Believe Me
by missjareau
Summary: Chapter 28 is up! Hotch and Emily have a surprise for the team.
1. Lingering Still

**Believe Me**

A/N: I'm not sure why, but the song "Believe Me" by Ellie Goulding inspired me to write this. Listen to the song and maybe it will help you get into my head a bit, even if you don't understand my particular brand of crazy you will at least have found an amazing new song to obsess over. Anyway, this will be a long story, it is my first (posted at least) so be kind, but also give me constructive criticism (constructive being the key word there…) I'll probably post about one chapter a week, my life is ridiculous and I've been ignoring my CM blog so this is my new outlet since I can't make graphics on my iPad during class and pretend like I'm taking notes but I can write…so here goes….please be kind!

xo, JJ

P.S. Every chapter is named after a song, (I'm a MASSIVE music nerd) sometimes the title is all that matters and the lyrics make no sense and sometimes the lyrics are all that matters and the title may make no sense and sometimes just one or two lines make sense. So you can take a musical journey with me or you can just ignore the chapter titles, either way I hope you enjoy my CM altverse!

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><p>Chapter 1: Lingering Still (She &amp; Him)<p>

_Family faces are magic mirrors. Looking at people who belong to us, we see the past, present, and future. We make discoveries about ourselves. ~ Gail Lumet Buckley_

_**November 2011**_

"Ella!" Emily yelled as her three-year-old daughter bolted up the stairs in the BAU bullpen. Emily hurried after the little girl, luckily everyone in the office was used to Ella, she was adored by even the gruffest of FBI agents, she caught up to Ella and couldn't help but smile at the scene before her eyes. Ella had made her way to her favorite person's office, Emily smiled at the sight of Ella sitting on her boss' lap and explaining to him something of extreme importance in the world of a three year old. Hotch's usually stoic face was replaced by a rare smile as Ella reenacted her story.

"Hey, Hotch. Sorry about her barging in on you like that." Emily said, making her way over to Ella to grab her.

"Don't worry about it. The distraction was welcome." Hotch said, the sincerity evident in the smile still present on his face.

Emily smiled back, "Come on Ella, it's time to go. Say goodbye to Hotch." She said, offering her hand to the little girl. Before getting down, Ella turned to Hotch and threw her arms around him. "Bye." Ella said, throwing her arms around his neck and hugging him tightly. Hotch hugged her back and then helped her back to the ground where she grabbed on tightly to her mother's extended hand.

"You heading home?" Emily asked him.

"No. Jack's with his grandparents tonight so I thought I'd stay and finish up some paperwork since I'm alone for the night." Hotch responded.

Ella took the opportunity to jump in to the conversation, "You should come with us!" She said excitedly.

Hotch smiled again, "Thanks for the offer Miss Ella but you should spend some quality time with your Mom."

"PLEASE?" Ella begged, "Mommy doesn't mind. Tell him, Mommy." Ella said, looking up at Emily, her expression indicating that she wanted Emily to invite Hotch.

Emily contemplated for a moment, she enjoyed spending time with Hotch, quite a lot actually, and she wanted to appease Ella, but time spent outside work with Hotch always brought about the more than friends feelings she had been harboring for her superior for years.

In the end, making Ella happy won out.

"Come on Hotch, you've gotta eat sometime. You can always finish up paperwork on Monday." She said, smiling warmly at him.

Hotch looked at Emily and then at Ella, who looked as though she was about to burst from anticipation. He was hungry and he always enjoyed spending time with Emily and Ella, he supposed the paperwork could wait.

"All right. Just give me a few minutes to pack some things in my briefcase for the weekend.

An hour later he arrived at Emily's, knocking on the door of her brownstone he was greeted by an overly excited three-year-old.

Hotch smiled down at the little girl, she was quite the child, always happy and smiling. Akin to her mother, she possessed long dark hair and big dark brown eyes, but Hotch's favorite quality of Emily's that Ella had inherited was her laugh, she had a beautiful laugh. Her laughter always managed to make Hotch smile, it was the infectious kind of laughter, it just overtook you and made you feel lighter. Hotch, and usually Jack, who considered Ella to be somewhat of a little sister, were always thrilled to spend quality time with Ella.

"Come on!" Ella said, grabbing Hotch's hand and leading him to the kitchen.

"Hey. I hope you're hungry." Emily said with a smile as Hotch and Ella entered the kitchen.

Hotch couldn't help but smile, Emily compartmentalized so well that she managed to separate herself completely between the hard ass BAU agent she was at work and the maternal side she wore so well when she was with her daughter. Here she wasn't Supervisory Special Agent Emily Prentiss, intelligent and strong FBI profiler with nerves of steel, here she was Emily Prentiss, caring and loving mother. Hotch enjoyed seeing this side of her.

"Starving." Hotch said, eliciting smiles from both Prentiss girls. "What can I do to help?" He asked, taking off his jacket and setting it across a chair.

Emily knew it was useless to argue with him that he was their guest and he didn't need to help, she knew how that argument would end so she just skipped to the end, "I'm just about done with the pasta but you can grab us some drinks. There's juice in there for Ella and there's some wine in the pantry if you want to open up a bottle, I know I could use a glass."

Hotch opened the refrigerator, "So Miss Ella, would you prefer grape or cranberry apple?"

"Cranberry apple!" Ella said happily.

Hotch took the drink and poured it into Ella's favorite cup, fastening the lid tightly to ensure she didn't spill.

"Red or white?" Hotch called to Emily after opening the pantry and noting a few bottles of wine to choose from.

"Uhh…white." Emily answered.

"White it is." Hotch said, grabbing a bottle of Sauvignon Blanc and heading back out to the kitchen.

"Oooh good choice." Emily said with a smile, after noticing his selection.

Hotch uncorked the bottle and poured glasses for Emily and himself while Emily piled the fettuccini she had made onto three plates. "Ella, come grab your plate." She yelled.

The three made their way into the living room, Hotch knew their Friday routine as he and Jack had been invited to their Friday dinner and a movie night quite a few times. "So what movie are we watching, Ella?" Hotch asked.

Ella held up a dvd, grinning from ear to ear. Hotch read the title, "Ghostbusters," he let out a small laugh, "good choice, you're becoming more and more like your Mom every day." He said, the smile still bright on his face.

Emily smiled and laughed along with Hotch, he was definitely right; sometimes she didn't know if that was a good or bad thing.

Ella put the dvd in and sat down right in between Emily and Hotch, scooting up to the very front of the sofa so she could eat her food.

The three ate their dinners and watched the movie, making casual conversation every once in a while but mostly just enjoying the silent presence of each other while they watched the movie. When the movie ended, Ella was fast asleep and had snuggled herself into Hotch's side. He gently picked Ella up and took her to her bedroom, Emily following closely behind. Emily pulled back the covers on Ella's bed and Hotch laid her carefully on it, kissing her on the forehead before he left the room.

After Emily tucked Ella in, she and Hotch both made their way out to the hallway.

Emily spoke first, "Thanks for helping me put her to bed. And…thanks for coming over tonight, Ella just adores you."

Hotch smiled, "The feeling is mutual. And thanks for inviting me, I had a great time."

"Ella and I were planning on going to the park on Sunday since it's been so oddly warm, so if you're up for it, I know Ella would love it and she's been dying to see Jack." Emily said, trying to sound casual when inviting him out.

"Jack's been talking about Ella too, the park sounds good, I'm sure he'll be excited." Hotch replied.

Emily smiled. "Good. Then I'll see you Sunday."

"Bye." Hotch said, smiling back at her as he walked out.

Emily shut the door behind him and turned around and leaned back against it, exhaling heavily.

Sunday came around and Emily was woken up at six by a heavy feeling on her chest. She opened her eyes to see Ella's big brown eyes staring down at her as she sat on her stomach. Emily smiled up at her daughter, "Hi baby." She said, grabbing Ella and pulling her down next to her in bed for a hug. Ella giggled as Emily placed kisses on Ella's face, pulling the little girl close to her.

"Why are you up so early?" Emily asked, shutting her eyes as Ella curled her head into the crook of Emily's neck.

"Because we're going to the park!" Ella said, her voice still full of excitement but being in Emily's warm bed was clearly sending her back to sleep.

"El, we're not going to the park until this afternoon. We've got a long time, it's Sunday sweetie, today we get to sleep in." Emily said, yawning.

"But I want to see Jack." Ella said, trying to keep her eyes open but obviously about to fall back asleep as well.

"Sweetie you'll get to spend all afternoon with Jack, I promise. Can we please go back to sleep for a little while?" Emily begged, her voice fading as she slowly fell back to sleep,

"Okay." Ella agreed, clearly half asleep as well.

Ella and Emily arrived at the park at one o'clock, both well-rested and ready to go, they spotted Hotch and Jack in the parking lot and Ella bolted for them as soon as Emily let her out of her car seat.

"Jack!" Ella screamed running toward him at full speed.

"Hi Ella!" Jack said, clearly just as excited to see Ella.

Jack was two years older than Ella but they had always enjoyed playing together. They were like siblings, Jack looked out for Ella and Ella looked up to Jack, it was a good relationship for both of them.

"Can we go play in the sand?" Jack asked, looking up at Hotch.

"Of course buddy, have fun." Hotch said, smiling at his son as Jack grabbed Ella's hand as they made their way over to the sandbox.

Emily and Hotch followed close behind and made themselves comfortable on a bench a few feet away from the kids. They knew they would be forced to make countless trips down slides and through playground equipment so they took advantage of the little time they had to sit down.

"So how was your weekend?" Emily asked, starting out with casual conversation.

"Uneventful, Jack and I stayed home and hung out yesterday. It's nice to have some downtime with him." Hotch replied.

"That sounds nice, yesterday I had to take Ella to get new tennis shoes. God, that was an ordeal. I think she tried on twenty pairs. That turned into a longer trip then I originally planned. We also had an intense game of hide and go seek. Ella won. She's good." Emily said, smiling over at Ella.

"You mean you let her hide and you sat on the sofa and read for twenty minutes?" Hotch said, trying to stifle a laugh.

Emily started laughing too, "God, I'm terrible, aren't I?"

"Hey, you're there for the important stuff. Don't sell yourself short." Hotch said, looking right at her, the grin on his face still present but the sincerity evident in his eyes.

Emily smiled back at him, "Thanks, Hotch."

The two talked for about twenty minutes until the kids decided they wanted to go on the swings.

"MOMMY!" Ella screamed as she ran the short distance to Emily and Hotch and full speed, Jack right there with her. "Will you push us on the swings? Please?" Ella begged, grabbing Emily's hand and pulling her toward the swings.

Jack did the same with Hotch, "Come on Dad!" He said, dragging Hotch with him to follow Ella and Emily to the swing set.

Jack and Ella jumped into two swings and waited for their parents to start pushing. Emily and Hotch started pushing the kids on the swings. Their laughter as they soared higher echoed throughout the park.

Emily smiled to herself, she loved days at the park with Ella, Jack, and Hotch. It was a nice reminder of the innocence in life as opposed to the darkness they came across every day in their jobs.

Emily's thoughts were soon interrupted by Ella who yelled, "Switch! I want Hotch to push me because he makes me go higher!"

"Hey, you're going just as high as Jack!" Emily said, pretending to be offended.

"Yeah but since I'm lighter and Hotch is stronger he can push me higher!" Ella said, the look she gave Emily was one that said, 'You should already know this.'

Emily laughed, "All right, Jack is it cool if I push you?"

Jack nodded eagerly, he didn't care who pushed him, he just wanted to swing.

Emily and Hotch switched placed and they began to push the kids again.

Ella's squeals of delight could probably be heard from miles away.

After spending quality time on the swings the children ventured to the jungle gym and all four of them spent the rest of their day playing games on it.

Finally it was time to leave, Jack was tired and Ella was clearly fighting the urge to fall asleep right there.

They walked to the cars and said their goodbyes.

"Bye Jack." Ella said, giving him a big hug, which the little boy reciprocated.

"Bye Ella." Jack replied then moving to Emily.

"By Emily, thanks for inviting us." Jack said, hugging Emily.

"Anytime kiddo." Emily said with a smile, giving the little boy a kiss on the forehead.

Ella was saying goodbye to Hotch at the same time, "Will you come over again soon? I like it when you come over. And will you bring Jack next time?"

Hotch laughed, "We will try to hang out as soon as possible Miss Ella. I like coming over too." He said with a smile, then kissing the little girl on the forehead as she threw her arms around him to pull him into a big hug.

"All right, Ellabella. Into the car." Emily said, grabbing Ella who willingly held her hands up for her Mom to pick her up.

Hotch helped Jack into his seat at the same time. Both adults then turned around.

Hotch spoke first, "See you tomorrow, Emily."

"Bye." She said with a smile. She loved it when he called her Emily, something he only called her outside of work.

They got into their cars and drove off, all four content with the day of play they had.

_Call it a clan, call it a network, call it a tribe, call it a family. Whatever you call it, whoever you are, you need one. ~ Jane Howard_

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><p><strong>REVIEW PLEASE! I want to know what you think! Good things? Please?<strong>


	2. Maybe

**A/N: Hi all! Thanks for the reviews! A lot of you asked for background on Ella and don't worry, we will get there! I'll be putting up chapters that are "flashbacks" and they will help the story fit together piece by piece! Thanks for reading!**

**xo, JJ**

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><p>Chapter 2: Maybe (Ingrid Michaelson)<p>

_I get by with a little help from my friends. ~ John Lennon _

_**November 2011**_

Emily and JJ walked into the crowded bar where Garcia was already waiting for them. The girls looked around, noticing their friend quickly in the sea of people and made their way over.

"Sorry we're a little late." Emily said as she and JJ slipped into the booth Garcia had saved for them.

"Yeah, there was a surprising amount of traffic on the way here." JJ added.

"Not to worry my loves, you are here now. Now tell me, how are the munchkins? I feel like I haven't seen them in ages!" Garcia asked excitedly.

Emily and JJ exchanged eye rolls.

"Pen, you saw them both two weeks ago." JJ said.

"That's forever in the toddler-verse!" Garcia exclaimed.

Emily laughed, "I promise you, nothing is different with Ella, she's her usual self. We did go to the park with Hotch and Jack yesterday. That was nice."

Garcia grinned like a cheshire cat. "Did you and the boss man have fun?" She asked, her eyes twinkling.

"Garcia, really? We took the kids to the park, that's it. Plus it's Hotch, he's our boss." Emily responded trying to brush off the conversation.

"But what if he wasn't our boss?" Garcia asked, her eyes still sparkling with deviousness.

"NOTHING would happen. Seriously we're just friends. Ella likes to spend time with Jack." Emily said, trying to play it casual.

"Come on, Em, you've never even thought about it before?" JJ chimed in.

"JJ!" Emily said, surprised she was on Garcia's side. "Come on, it's Hotch."

"Yeah, it may be Hotch but the man's sexy, you can't deny that." JJ said, smiling as she took a sip of her drink to try to control her laughter.

"Nope, we are not talking about this!" Emily said as Penelope and JJ both tried to control their laughter.

"Seriously Emily," Garcia started, "Don't you want to get married and have more perfect little Ella replicas running around?"

Emily took a deep breath, "Garcia, one Ella is enough. I'm happy the way things are."

"But seriously, when was the last time you got some?" JJ added.

"Oh my gosh, we are not talking about this!" Emily exclaimed, she could feel the redness creeping up on her cheeks.

"I bet boss man hasn't gotten any in a while either, you two would be perfect! You've both been celibate for so long even if it's bad you'll think it's good!" Garcia said, her laughter coming out louder and louder as she spoke.

"Come on Em, you really haven't been attracted to anyone since Ella's Dad?" JJ ventured.

"No, not really. I just want to focus on Ella, I'm happy. Come on you guys, let it go, please?" Emily begged.

"All right, all right in the interest of a peaceful girls night lets drop the discussion on Emily's lack of romance and catch up on that office gossip, Miss Penelope, you have the floor." JJ said, gesturing to Garcia.

The girls spent the rest of their night talking about casual stuff; office gossip, shoes, how Ella and Henry were doing in preschool, and Garcia's fiery relationship with Kevin, they stayed away from anything related to serial killers. Girls night was their chance to act like normal friends, they were happy not to discuss the horrors they saw every day.

The girls parted ways at the end of the night, Garcia heading home and JJ and Emily heading back to JJ's where Will had volunteered to watch Ella along with Henry so they could have the night out.

JJ and Emily got into JJ's car and headed back to her house.

"Em, I know you don't want to hear this…but I think a date would be good for you. I know you're happy, but I think you deserve some romance in your life." JJ said, looking seriously at her friend.

"Jayje, I'm just not ready yet." Emily said, frustrated that this topic had resurfaced.

"Okay." JJ said calmly, noting the look of frustration in her friend's eye.

"Thanks JJ." Emily said sincerely.

"But when you do decide to date again you need to let me know because Will has this colleague who is totally your type." JJ said, a wicked smile on her face.

Emily laughed too, "Okay, I promise."

The girls arrived at JJ's house, both Ella and Henry were fast asleep. They said their goodbyes and Emily and Ella headed home. When they got there Emily placed Ella in her bed, stroking the little girls hair softly so as not to wake her. Emily couldn't believe Ella was already three. It had seemed like just yesterday that she was this tiny little baby who Emily had almost no idea how to take care of. Ella was always a happy child, not having her Dad around was okay for now, after all she had so many "Uncles" who doted on her as if she were their own, but when she was older Emily knew she would ask questions about him and she was terrified of when that day would come. She wanted to tell Ella about how she never stopped loving her father and how she knew that if he knew of Ella's existence that he would want to be there for her too, but she didn't think she could handle that, to have him know about Ella would mean facing the facts; he didn't feel the same way about her. She felt selfish sometimes for keeping this secret to herself, she reminded herself that she had initially done it to protect him and his own family and now the secret was so far woven into their lives that she didn't know how to even bring it up again, it just didn't seem possible. And Ella was happy, if there was ever a time that Ella wasn't happy she would reconsider, but right now things were good. She wasn't alone and that was good enough for right now.

_We need people in our lives with whom we can be as open as possible. To have real conversation with people may seem like such a simple, obvious suggestion, but it involves courage and risk. ~ Thomas Moore_

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><p><strong>REVIEW PLEASE :]<strong>


	3. Real World

A/N: Just wanted to quickly say that it's really important to pay attention to the dates, they'll tell you whether or not the chapter is a flashback! Hope you enjoy this chapter!

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><p>Chapter 3: Real World (All-American Rejects)<p>

_Love me when I least deserve it, because that's when I really need it. ~ Swedish Proverb_

_**October 2007**_

Emily had been back at her apartment for about an hour, she was in a strange mood, she was glad that they had done something good today but at the same time she was feeling somewhat alone. They had saved a woman today and with everything that had been going on she knew this victory should be making her happier than she was. She supposed being hit on the head with a board and the resulting headache weren't helping her mood either.

She walked over to her kitchen, the aspirin hadn't helped her headache but she assumed alcohol would and she figured being nailed on the head with a board earned her the right to drink on a work night.

She heard a soft knocking on the door; she walked over to it, slightly confused as to who would be visiting her tonight.

She looked in the peephole to see a familiar face looking distraught on the other side. She opened the door.

"Hotch, um…what's up? Is everything all right?" She asked, genuine concern evident in her voice.

Hotch shook his head, 'no'.

She opened the door and gestured him into her apartment.

They walked to her kitchen and they stood there in silence for a moment until Hotch finally spoke.

"Haley took Jack and left." He said, his voice heavy and silent as if he was trying not to show his true emotions.

Emily didn't know how to respond, "Oh Hotch, I'm so sorry." She said, walking over to him and putting a hand on his shoulder.

She had only known Hotch for a year but in that time she knew he wasn't the type to talk about his emotions so she suggested another way of dealing with the emotional pain.

"I think you and I are going to need something stronger than wine." She said, leaving the room quickly to grab her jacket and keys.

"Come on." She motioned for him to follow her and they headed out the door.

They arrived sometime later at one of Emily's favorite bars, Emily made her way up to the bar and immediately snagged the bartenders attention and ordered two scotch and sodas. She found Hotch a moment later; he had snagged them a high top table in a corner.

She set the drinks down at the table and took a seat.

Hotch stared at the drinks, "Is it that obvious that I'm a scotch man?"

Emily laughed, "Only to a profiler."

"So, why are we here?" Hotch asked, taking a long swig of the amber liquid.

"Because, you don't really want to talk about this but at the same time you don't want to be alone. And the happy medium is drinking. It's the only thing I know that cures emotional and physical pain at the same time, yeah only for a couple hours but hey, any amount of peace you can get in this job is welcome." Emily said.

Hotch looked down at his glass and smiled. "Thank you, Emily."

Emily smiled back, "Anytime."

Emily and Hotch spent the next couple hours drinking glass after glass of scotch and beer and talking about everything except his family problems.

"You did not have an unsub strip down while running away!" Emily exclaimed.

Hotch was laughing, "He did. He thought it would make us less likely to tackle him."

"Oh my gosh, that is disgusting!" She exclaimed, almost falling out of her chair.

"I've never been thankful that Morgan runs faster than me but I was then." Hotch said, the grin on his face not fading.

Emily burst out laughing again, this time managing to slip out of her chair.

Hotch bent down to grab her but in his state of heavy intoxication he stumbled out of his seat as well. He grabbed onto her waist, pulling them both up.

Her skin felt like it was on fire underneath the touch of his strong hands. She'd known he was in shape but she'd never before been close enough to him to feel the muscles of his arms and chest.

The bartender called out to them so they would know that the bar was now closing and they made their way outside.

Emily stumbled into a cab and Hotch followed, if she had been at all sober she would have realized that this was a dumb idea considering they lived in completely different directions. But she didn't really care right then, they were having a good time in their drunken states and she really didn't want to go home just yet.

They arrived at Hotch's house and to Emily's surprise he grasped her hand and pulled her out the door with him.

They stumbled up to his front steps, laughing and holding each other up as the navigated their way to his door.

He unlocked the door quickly and pulled her into the house, his lips crashing upon hers as he shut the door behind them.

Even in her state of extreme intoxication she knew she should stop this before it went any further but his lips felt so good against her own. Her desires she had held deep within her for so long finally being quelled. She couldn't say no, not tonight.

Emily woke up around 4AM in an unfamiliar bed. She looked around, forgetting for a moment the events of last night until she turned to see the sleeping form of her boss spooned against her.

'Shit.' She thought to herself. 'Shit, shit shit.'

She got up as quietly as possible, not wanting to wake him. She was slowly recalling how she had ended up naked in bed with her boss.

She quickly dialed her phone and called for a cab, the sooner she could get out of here the better. This couldn't happen, shouldn't have happened. He was her boss, not to mention the fact that he was still technically married.

She crept back out to his bedroom where thankfully he was still sleeping. She grabbed her discarded clothing from around the bedroom, being careful to pick up any evidence of her being there.

She looked at him, sleeping so peacefully, she couldn't deny that she had wanted last night to happen, wanted it for a long time-and it had been good, no, it had been great-but he was married still and she just couldn't be that girl, couldn't be the other woman. His life was destroyed enough, she couldn't hinder a possible reconciliation with Haley because she felt something he probably had only reciprocated because he was heavily intoxicated and needed an emotional release.

She looked around the room as she straightened it up a little bit from the trail of destruction they had made on their way to the bed. This was the bedroom he shared, or at least had shared, with his wife. The thought made her sick to her stomach. She had to get out of there; she looked out the window, praying for her cab to come quickly.

She finished tidying up evidence of their indiscretion when she saw the cab arrive outside. She hated to leave him, all she wanted was to curl up in his arms and be with him again. But that would only have been possible in another world. She quietly made her way downstairs and out to the cab.

Emily arrived at work on time, looking up to his office to see if he was there, not surprised to see his lean figure hunched over his desk. She shuddered, she had told herself she was going to deny it happening, act like nothing was out of place. He didn't need the guilt from this weighing on him in addition to his already difficult issues with Haley.

She thought maybe she should make the first move, show that she was going to act like her usual self.

She walked up to his office and knocked on the door.

"Come in." She heard him say from the inside.

"Hey, Hotch. I just wanted to see how you were doing?" She asked, nonchalantly.

He looked confused for a moment and then stood up, "Oh, yes. Uh yeah I'm all right. Thank you."

"Good." She said, nodding and preparing to head back down to the bullpen.

"Prentiss…" He said, before she could go out the door, she turned to acknowledge him. "Did…something happen between us last night?"

She managed a look of confusion and surprise on her face, "No, we just drank and then you took a cab home." Her voice steady as she spoke, at least those two things actually had occurred.

"Okay." He said, clearly still a little confused, "I just woke up and felt…a little off and I thought I recalled something happening."

"I promise Hotch, we were good. And what you were feeling was probably a hangover." She said jokingly, trying to make light of the situation.

Hotch offered her a small smile in return and said, "Thanks, Prentiss."

"Anytime." She said, and walked out the door.

She hated lying to him but right now it just seemed like the best thing. He already had enough emotional turmoil in his life; he didn't need any more added to that. He was still a good man and he deserved to able to fix things with Haley if that was what he wanted, she couldn't-she wouldn't-compromise that.

_**November 2007**_

Emily paced back and forth in her bathroom; she couldn't believe she had gotten herself into this situation.

She's missed her monthly friend last month, but one month off wasn't unusual for her-plus there had been some spotting-so she hadn't been worried. The stress of her job and her less than spectacular eating habits made that a regular occurrence. When she'd been late she hadn't even thought twice about it. But now she was late again-very late-and the dots had finally connected. So, she had gone to the drugstore and come back with a little box she had been absolutely terrified to open, she had peed on that little white stick-all three of them actually-and now she was waiting out the time.

She couldn't believe how the minutes seemed to drag on; she had been in hostage negotiations that seemed to go faster than this. She looked down at her watch for what seemed like the thousandth time. Finally, time was up.

Reaching for the little white sticks she felt sick to her stomach. She knew she had to look at them; this wasn't something she could just ignore. She turned them over to read the results, the pink eight-letter word on each test practically screaming at her.

She sank down to the floor, her head in her hands as she began to cry. Normally the logical side of her would have overcome her and made her realize that crying wasn't going to help the situation at all, but at that moment she didn't care about logic, she just needed a good cry.

After a while she calmed herself down and stood up, looking at her reflection in the mirror and fixing her ruined make-up. This was going to be all right, it had to. She had always wanted children, preferably in a more conventional way, but so what? She'd never really been the type of girl to adhere to convention anyway. Plus she was 36 years old and her job left practically no time to date and even if once in a blue moon she actually found a guy she liked enough to tell what she really did at the FBI, they were always either way too interested or were repulsed by it.

This was going to be a good thing, it had to be. She could do the single mom thing but it broke her heart that she wouldn't be able to tell Hotch.

He had been so stressed since Haley left, trying his hardest to patch things up with his broken family. She couldn't jeopardize that for him, he deserved to be happy with his son and the woman he'd loved since high school. She could get through this; she had to get through this. And she knew she wouldn't be alone, the team was like her family, they would always be there for her, and at least she could be certain of that.

_Some of us think holding on makes us strong, but sometimes it is letting go. ~ Herman Hesse_

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><p><strong>PLEASE REVIEW? Let me know what you think so far! xo, JJ<strong>


	4. Dear Prudence

A/N: This is a little short because it's a bit of a filler, just some needed character development! So I hope you enjoy the JJ/Emily interaction! I LOVE writing JJ, you will definitely see more of her :] Hope you all enjoy the chapter and THANK YOU SO MUCH for all the reviews, you are all so sweet! I would love to answer every question you asked right now but I don't want to ruin the story! So I hope you stick with me and keep letting me know what you think! THANKS!

xo, JJ

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><p>Chapter 4: Dear Prudence (The Beatles)<p>

_Any man can be a father but it takes someone special to be a dad. ~ Anne Geddes_

**December 2011**

Emily and JJ sat next to each other on the same side of a table at the indoor jungle gym they had taken the kids to, watching and laughing as Hotch tried to keep up with Jack, Henry, and Ella as they scurried along the soft mats and down the slides.

Even though the kids were different ages, they all enjoyed spending time together, after all they were practically family, so at least once a month JJ, Emily, and Hotch would get them together for a play date. Jack had been to this indoor jungle gym for a party and had begged the adults to take Henry, Ella, and himself back there on their next outing.

Hotch had graciously offered, or rather insisted, that he would keep the children occupied so JJ and Emily could have some time to catch up as both their work schedules had been hectic lately.

"So where's Will?" Emily asked, taking a big gulp of her soda.

"He got called into work, a bunch of the guys are out sick so he thought he'd help out a bit." JJ answered.

"That was nice." Emily responded, nodding her head.

"Yeah, he won't be out too late so it's no big deal. Speaking of nice, thank god for Hotch offering to entertain the kids while we're here. I don't think I can bend down enough to be able to maneuver my way through some of those tunnels." JJ said, grimacing as she watched Hotch hurry after Ella who had crawled through a tiny tunnel.

Emily laughed, "Me either. I can't believe how well he's keeping up with them." She said, smiling as her eyes were focused on Hotch and the children.

"Well, look at the man, he's in better shape than the majority of people half his age. If I wasn't taken and he wasn't my former boss, man I would have been all over that years ago!" JJ said, raising her eyebrows to indicate her attraction.

"Jayje!" Emily said, somewhat shocked.

"What?" The blonde said, looking at her innocently. "Can you honestly tell me that you've never even thought about Hotch sexually? Because I'm pretty sure you'd have to be blind not to." She said, matter-of-factly.

Emily could feel the blush creeping up to her cheeks so she shook her head quickly and shot JJ down, "No! He's still MY boss, that would make for an extremely awkward work environment." She said, hoping her answer was sufficient enough to merit a change in conversation topics.

JJ, however, wasn't satisfied. "So you're saying that if you didn't work together you WOULD be interested in him?" She was baiting her.

"JJ, seriously, I don't know. I mean he's good looking and sweet when he wants to be and he's great with kids, but I can't ever go there, he'll always be my boss." Emily said, turning away to look back at Hotch, rather longingly if JJ thought so herself.

JJ, happy with the response she'd gotten from Emily, decided to be kind and slightly change the subject.

"He is so great with the kids. Henry just adores him. If anyone at the office saw how different he acts here they would literally be shocked." JJ said, motioning to the children who were rolling on the floor laughing from something Hotch had done or said.

Emily looked over and smiled, "Yeah, Ella adores him too. With both Hotch and Morgan acting as her surrogate dads that poor child is never going to be able to bring a boy home!"

"Oh god, can you just imagine them interrogating him?" JJ chimed in, laughing as she pictured the scenario in her head.

"Oh but wait, that doesn't matter, she's betrothed to Henry anyway!" Emily said.

"How could I have forgotten that?" JJ exclaimed, both the women were now laughing loudly in their seats.

The girls continued their laughter while watching the children. Emily loved how Hotch interacted with the kids, she watched as Hotch grabbed Ella and tickled her, making the little girl burst out in a fit of giggles, he laughter carried through the room as she fidgeted out of Hotch's grasp, still laughing as she collapsed onto a mat on the ground. Hotch soon joined her, he was still laughing as well. Ella attempted to retaliate by tickling him back but he just pulled her over his shoulder, handing her upside down. Ella continued to laugh and Hotch finally pulled her forward and into his lap, enveloping the little girl in a big hug and placed a kiss on top of her head.

This action made Emily's heart break a little bit, it was painful to watch these two people she loved so much interact with each other without knowing their true relationship.

While Emily was observing Hotch and Ella, JJ took that as her opportunity to observe Emily. JJ watched her friends face take on an expression of quiet pain, it confused JJ, she then turned her glance to Hotch and Ella.

She didn't know why but for some reason she noticed a certain similarity between Hotch and Ella that she had never taken note of before. Ella had picked up a fair amount of traits from Hotch, but that was to be expected, they did spend a lot of time with one another, but this was something different. Hotch didn't smile very often but when he did it was an intriguing sight, he was undoubtedly a handsome man, his chiseled features and stern facial expressions made him undeniably attractive in a dark and mysterious sort of way, but when he smiled it was different. He didn't smile often but when he did, his entire face lit up, his eyes grew wide and bright and it was impossible to not think he was beautiful when he smiled. The same held true for Ella, she was a beautiful little girl even when frowning but there was something about her smile that just seemed to light up her face, the way her smile took up her whole face was clearly a trait of her mother's but the way her eyes lit up as well was something that bared a curious resemblance to Aaron Hotchner.

JJ decided to break the silence, turning to look once again at Emily.

"You okay, Em?" JJ asked, a little concerned.

Emily snapped out of her daze. "What? Oh, yeah sorry Jayje. I got lost in my thoughts for a moment."

The girls sat in silence for a moment longer when JJ decided to venture a comment, "It's a shame you're so stubborn, you two would be good together." JJ said, timidly, hoping Emily wouldn't take her words the wrong way.

Surprisingly Emily just smiled, though it was a smile laced with sadness and released an unconvincing laugh.

JJ scooted closer to her, grabbing Emily's hand in her own and squeezing it. She didn't know what exactly was going on with her friend, but she did hope they Emily knew that she was always there for her and there wasn't anything she wouldn't do for her.

_The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and can tolerate not knowing…not healing, not curing…that is a friend who cares. ~ Henry Nouwen_

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><p><strong><em>REVIEW PLEASE! Let me know what you think! Since this was short I'll be posting the next chapter tomorrow, thanks for reading! xo, JJ<em>**


	5. Sea of Love

A/N: I meant to post this last night and got sidetracked, whoops! Hope you enjoy the Emily/Hotch interaction! Leave me some love in the form of a review!

xo, JJ

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><p>Chapter 5: Sea of Love (Cat Power)<p>

_The informality of family life is a blessed condition that allows us to become our best while looking our worst. ~ Marge Kennedy_

**July 2008**

Emily walked through the door of her apartment, tightly gripping the car seat that held her infant daughter.

Hotch held the door open for her and entered after her, carrying her suitcase into the house and then shutting the door behind him.

"Thanks so much for driving me home." Emily said, all of a sudden getting nervous about the idea of Hotch leaving her alone with Ella. Her two days at the hospital had gone extremely well, so far Ella hadn't fussed practically at all and Emily had quickly picked up on the tricks to feeding and cleaning and taking care of her. She looked into the car seat, smiling at the sleeping infant safely bundled in it. She was thrilled to finally have her daughter in the world and she had read all the books and taken all the classes, there was no doubt she was ready to be a mother, what she was terrified of was the moments in between where it would just be her and this little baby, this tiny thing who depended completely on her. Hotch grabbed Emily's suitcase and brought it to her bedroom and then came back out to the kitchen where Emily was standing there just observing the baby silently.

Hotch walked over to them, "Ready to get her settled?" He asked, finding himself unable to pull his eyes away from the beautiful baby girl in front of him.

Emily looked up at him, surprise present on her face, "You're staying?"

Hotch turned to look at Emily, "Only if it's all right with you, I know how difficult it is to adjust to having a baby in the house so I thought I'd stay for a while as long as you're okay with that?" Hotch said, seeming somewhat unsure of his words.

Emily smiled at him, "No, that would be great actually."

Hotch returned her smile, obviously relieved she had chosen to accept his help.

"How about we get the little one settled in the nursery?" Hotch asked, looking at the soundly sleeping baby.

Emily smiled and carefully lifted Ella from her car seat. She slowly walked to the nursery, not wanting to jostle the sleeping infant. Hotch opened the door to the nursery and Emily walked in and headed straight for one of the big comfortable rocking chairs in the corner and carefully sat down.

Hotch stood in the doorway for a moment, smiling at the visual of Emily cradling the baby in her arms.

She looked up and saw Hotch standing there and smiled at him and he made his way over to sit in the rocker next to her.

"Two of these?" He asked, gesturing to the rockers.

Emily shook her head, grinning and holding back a laugh. "Morgan. He helped me set up this place and he decided that I needed another chair for when he came over."

Hotch laughed silently, typical Morgan.

They both watched the tiny baby sleep peacefully in Emily's arms.

"You never told me why you picked her name?" Hotch asked, looking at Emily.

Emily smiled, still looking at Ella. "Elena was my Grandmother's name. She died when I was in middle school but she was always the happiest person. She just had this light surrounding her; she could put me in a good mood with just a look. She just had this ability to make everyone around her happy. Whenever my Mom was driving me nuts, which was pretty much all the time, I would call her and she could always calm me down and bring me back to reality. Everyone called her Ella and I always thought it was the most beautiful name. And then I picked Jade just because it sounded pretty and flowed well."

Hotch smiled at her, "Elena Jade Prentiss." He said, looking at Ella. "It suits her."

Emily smiled back at him, "I think I could just sit here and watch her forever." She said, turning her gaze once again to Ella.

Emily and Hotch sat in silence for a little while when Ella started to stir.

"She probably wants a bottle." Emily said, hoping her guess was correct and looking to Hotch to get confirmation.

"Yeah probably, want to head to the kitchen and make one?" Hotch asked her, getting up from his chair.

Emily followed him and made her way to the kitchen. "I should probably get the bottle so I can get used to preparing it. Will you hold her for a minute?" Emily asked.

"Of course." Hotch said enthusiastically as Emily carefully transferred Ella to his open arms.

Emily paused for a moment as she watched her usually stone-faced boss develop a wide grin on his face as her cradled the little girl in his arms. She prepared the bottle, barely taking her eyes off the adorable sight of Hotch and Ella for a second. He was so natural with her, seeing him so comfortable with her made her heart ache to tell him the truth, but she knew she couldn't, not right now.

Emily finished making the bottle and headed over to Hotch, they both moved to the sofa where Hotch reluctantly handed the infant off to Emily.

Hotch didn't more from his spot right next to Emily as he watched her feed Ella silently.

"You're a natural." He said, focusing on Emily.

She looked up at him and smiled, "You remembering when Jack was this little?"

Hotch smiled, "Yeah, it's hard to believe he's already two."

"How's he doing?" Emily asked, sensing a slight sadness in Hotch's tine.

"He's doing well. Still tells me that everything's going to be okay." Hotch replied.

Emily grinned, "He's a smart kid."

Hotch smiled again and moved his hand to touch the thick black hair already present on Ella's tiny head.

Ella finished the bottle and fell into a soft slumber once more.

"Hey, why don't you try to get some sleep?" Hotch asked Emily,

"Oh no, I'm all right," She responded.

Hotch gave her a knowing look, "Emily you've got a lot of sleepless nights ahead of you, it'll be good for you to rest for a little while. I'll stay here with Ella and you take a quick nap. I promise Ill wake you up when she wakes up." Hotch said.

Emily thought for a moment, now that she was thinking about it, she was a little tired. "Okay, but I'm just going to stay right here, promise you'll wake me the moment she gets up?"

"I promise." Hotch said with a smile.

Emily carefully handed Ella to Hotch and laid back on the sofa, closing her eyes. A moment later she spoke, "Thank you, Hotch."

He smiled at her already sleeping form and only because he knew she couldn't hear him he responded, "Always."

Emily slept while Hotch held the tiny baby, he couldn't get over how perfect this tiny little human was. He also couldn't get over how lovely her mother looked even when she was kind of a mess; her hair was back in a messy bun, her too big sweatpants were tucked into her thick fuzzy socks, and the crew neck Yale t-shirt she had on was ripping at the collar. Hotch smiled, at the visual of her, especially the smile present on her sleeping face, she was utterly exhausted but there was no denying she was ecstatic to finally have her little girl here with her.

A while later, Ella woke up and began to cry. Hotch knew she needed to be changed so as promised, he woke up a peacefully sleeping Emily. He scooted next to her, covering her hand with his own and she quickly came to.

Emily saw the fussy baby in Hotch's arms and immediately awoke, knowing Ella needed to be changed. She stood up and Hotch handed her the baby. They made their way into the nursery and Emily carefully set Ella on the changing table.

Emily quickly and easily cleaned the little girl up and fitted her snugly in a little night outfit with bears on it, undoubtedly a gift from Garcia. The baby was now awake but she didn't fuss, she just looked around in awe at her surroundings, the sight of which made both Hotch and Emily grin from ear to ear.

The rest of the afternoon passed like this, Ella staying true to character and barely making a fuss over anything while the two adults stared back at her in awe, watching her every move, no matter how tiny.

Ella had been about a half and hour into one of her naps when Hotch looked at his watch, it was almost five and about time for him to pick up Jack.

"All right, I should go, I've got to pick up Jack soon." Hotch said, standing up but not moving toward the door just yet.

"Is there anything you need before I go?" He asked, hoping she wouldn't be too stubborn to let him continue helping her if there was something she needed.

Emily shook her head, 'no' and said, "Thank you so much for today Hotch, I was really nervous about being alone with her and you really helped me. So thank you."

Hotch smiled, brushing the tiny baby's head one more time, and replied. "Anytime." He then made his way to the door. He paused, "Just to give you a heads up, Morgan will probably be stopping by when he's done with work, he's been texting me all day asking how things are going."

Emily laughed; she really did have the most wonderful friends. "Thanks for the warning."

Hotch waved goodbye and headed out the door.

He sighed as he shut the door and walked down the stairs, he had always imagined himself with a little boy and Jack was everything he had imagined and more, the most wonderful little boy he asked for, but spending the day with Emily and Ella had made a little part of him realize that he would love to have a daughter of his own someday as well. Unfortunately right now his marriage was beyond repair; another baby might never be in the cards for him again. He found himself a little sad about this but quickly reminded himself that he had a wonderful son who was the light of his life and that was enough. He smiled to himself, Jack; he got a whole weekend with Jack. It was still a great day.

As Hotch walked out of her apartment, Emily made her way back to the nursery with Ella. It had been wonderful to have Hotch there all day; he had made things so much less terrifying. Emily looked down at Ella and couldn't help but hope that the perfect little girl in her arms would inherit the same beautiful dimples her father had.

_The light of friendship is like light of phosphorus, seen plainest when all around is dark. ~ Crowell_

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><p><strong>REVIEW PLEASE! THANKS :]<strong>


	6. Daylight

A/N: So I've never been to the National Aquarium in DC because well…I'm from San Diego and frankly nothing beats SeaWorld. So I'm just modeling their day after what I'd do if I was at the Shedd Aquarium which is located in Chicago, where I currently live, it's a pretty amazing place, but still no SeaWorld.

And thanks for the reviews! You are all so very sweet! Extra thanks to **charlotteprentiss** who has reviewed every chapter!

xo, JJ

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><p>Chapter 6: Daylight (Coldplay)<p>

_Friendship without self-interest is one of the most rare and beautiful things of life. ~ James F. Byrnes_

**January 2012**

Emily Prentiss couldn't help but laugh out loud at the sight before her. Her partner and friend, Derek Morgan, was holding Ella up over the starfish exhibit at the aquarium and he was teasing her by telling her the starfish clinging to her arm was going to attach permanently to her skin. Ella was squealing in laughter and everyone around them was staring, something that was a common occurrence when Morgan and Ella were together.

Morgan finally put the starfish down and began tickling the little girl as they turned around to face Emily.

"You two shouldn't be allowed in public together." Emily said, still laughing.

"Oh come on, everyone else is just jealous that we're having more fun than they are." Morgan said, "Right pretty girl?" He said, ceasing his tickling of Ella.

Ella, who was still in the middle of a fit of laughter, managed a response.  
>"Yeah. Mommy. Everyone else just wishes they had an Uncle Derek because he's a chocolate god."<p>

"Derek Morgan, you did NOT teach my daughter to call you a 'chocolate god'. Emily spat; half amused, half horrified.

"I swear I did not do that." Morgan said, laughing hysterically.

Thankfully, Ella chose this moment to pipe up, "That's what Aunt Penny calls him!"

Derek and Emily both said "Ohhh" at the same time, suddenly everything making perfect sense.

"Well, sweetheart lets just let Aunt Penny use that name, okay? You just keeping calling him Uncle Derek." Emily said, and then quietly adding, "And Mommy's going to have a talk with Aunt Penny about proper conversation topics for three year olds." She said through clenched teeth.

Morgan stifled a laugh, earning him a glare from Emily.

"Okay." Ella conceded.

"Can we go see the dolphins and beluga whales now, PLEASE?" Ella begged. Sliding herself out of Morgan's arms and grabbing both his and Emily's hands and attempting as best she could to pull them in the direction of the exhibits.

The three of them headed towards the dolphin exhibit first where Ella was thrilled to see all the different dolphins housed there. Her favorite though were the beluga whales nearby.

As Ella was standing and listening intently to everything the trainers were telling her about the whales and dolphins, Emily had made herself comfortable on a bench nearby and Morgan decided to join her as Ella was still enthralled by the beluga whales.

Emily had been reading a text on her phone, a small smile showing on her face, when Morgan walked over.

"Well, well, well, what are we grinning about over here, Princess?" Morgan said, taking a seat next to her.

Emily showed Morgan the text on her phone, "It's from Hotch, Jack won his soccer game and he wanted Hotch to send me a picture of him." Emily said, still smiling from ear to ear.

Morgan took the phone and smiled, "That's a good kid right there."

He handed it back to Emily who looked at it once more before putting it away, "He really is."

"So how are things going with Hotch?" Morgan asked.

"Morgan, we both have kids, it's as simple as that." Emily replied, the smile fading from her face.

"Princess, I know you, I know you still want something more from this relationship. You've gotta stop pretending like it doesn't hurt you to just be his friend." Morgan said, placing his hand on Emily's knee.

Emily didn't speak; she just placed her head on Morgan's shoulder and watched as the beluga whales continued to mesmerize her daughter. She knew better than to make up a bullshit excuse with Morgan, he knew everything about the situation and it was no use lying about the subject, he could read her like a book, a qualitiy she loved and hated all at once.

A few hours later, after a full day at the museum, they arrived back home at Emily's. Ella was completely exhausted and had passed out on the way home, her sugar high from all the candy Morgan had bought for her finally resulting in a crash. Morgan picked her up out of the car and carried her into the apartment and into her room where he and Emily tucked her in for a nap before walking into the living room and collapsing on the sofa themselves.

"Oh my god, I don't know how I can chase UNSUBS around all day but for some reason an afternoon with a three year old manages to completely wear me out." Morgan said, putting his legs up on the coffee table.

Emily leaned into his side and exhaled contentedly as he put his arm around her.

Their relationship had changed a lot since Ella was born, he had always been a good friend from the moment they had met but since Ella was born he had taken on the role of surrogate father to Ella and been the one person who Emily could be completely open and honest with.

"So I guess that rules out having kids of your own?" Emily joked.

"Right now one little girl in my life is enough." Morgan said, laughing. "Plus it's going to be hard enough to be okay with Ella getting older and starting to date, I don't think I'm going to be able to deal with that more than once."

Emily then received another text, her smile bright as she read it.

"Let me guess, Hotch again." Morgan said, slightly rolling his eyes at how obvious she was being and yet still insisted on playing coy in regard to her true feelings for Hotch.

Emily nodded her head, this time burying it in Morgan's chest.

"Emily, are you ever going to tell him?" Morgan asked.

"What am I supposed to do? Waltz into his office one day and say 'Hey Hotch you know that one night where we drank together and I told you we didn't have sex? Well I lied and we actually did have sex and I got pregnant and Ella is actually you're daughter.' Because that's going to go over SO well." Emily said sarcastically.

Morgan sighed in exasperation, "I get why you didn't tell him in the first place, you didn't want to make his family situation worse and that was a good thing you did. I agree with your decision but you made it because you wanted him to be able to work things out with his family and then he couldn't and then everything happened with Foyet and Haley and I get why you didn't tell him then, but Emily all of that is over, your reasoning isn't valid anymore."

"I know, Morgan. I know." Emily said softly, a little angry that he was right. "I'm just, I'm afraid to tell him. It's been so long, and I'm just so afraid he's going to hate me for it, I just couldn't handle that." She said, her hand playing with the soft fabric of Morgan's shirt. "Things are so good now, Ella has Hotch in her life right now and she also has you and Reid and Rossi. Everything is so wonderful for once, I just, I don't want to ruin things right now."

Morgan pulled her in and kissed her forehead softly, "I get it, Princess, but promise me you'll think about it, eventually it's going to come out and it's going to be easier if you do it on your own terms. Hotch is a great guy, as much as he can drive me nuts on the job, he's someone I know I can always count on. He's a stand-up guy; he'll want to be there for Ella. Hell, Emily, he cares about you too. He'd want to be there for both of you."

Emily sighed, "But I don't want to be an obligation. Morgan this thing is so much more complicated than that. I know you're right, he will want to be there for her and I know he'll try his hardest to be there for Ella and me as well, but that's what I don't like. I don't want to be an obligation for him, he's in our lives right now because he wants to be and I like that, Ella likes that. I just…I just don't want to ruin what we have."

Morgan pulled Emily closer to him, wanting to comfort her. "I get it, Emily. I do. There's nothing easy about this and I don't mean to imply it is, I just want you to be happy. I see how you look at him, don't think I can't see all those longing glances you send his way." Morgan said, teasing her.

"Shut up, Morgan." Emily said, smacking him yet still laughing.

"Emily, you're a catch, he'd be lucky to have you." Morgan said, becoming serious again.

"Yes but what if something happened and then we couldn't get married in Vegas when I'm 45? How sad would you be?" Emily said, not wanting to be serious again just yet.

Morgan laughed, "Princess, I'd be willing to give up our back-up plan if it meant you being happy."

Emily groaned and buried her head in his chest again, "But I AM happy. My life is good right now and I'd be perfectly happy living the rest of my life as your back-up plan wife."

Morgan smiled again, "Don't you think I know that? I mean, I'm a catch too!"

Emily rolled her eyes and laughed out loud at this comment.

Morgan spoke again, "But seriously, Em, you deserve to be happy, truly happy."

Emily exhaled deeply and buried her head in his chest once more.

"Now, I know it's hard to do better than Derek Morgan, but Hotch is a pretty good choice." Morgan said.

"Oh my god Morgan, stop while you're ahead." Emily said, starting to laugh.

Morgan started laughing with her and a few minutes later the two fell into a comfortable silence, just enjoying being in the presence of another person they trusted so completely. They both sat there in silence until their exhaustion from their day at the aquarium set in and they both fell asleep.

_Wherever you are, it is your own friends who make your world. ~ Henry James_

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><p><strong>REVIEW PLEASE! <strong>


	7. Get There From Here

A/N: Thank you so much for all the nice reviews you guys left! You are all amazing! This chapter is a Morgan/Prentiss flashback and I know you guys want more Hotch but I promise he'll be back in the next chapter! Hope you enjoy!

xo, JJ

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><p>Chapter 7: Get There From Here (Ben Harper)<p>

_In a friend you find a second self. ~ Isabelle Norton_

**August 2008**

Hotch had only left a few hours ago when Emily heard a knock on the door, assuming it was Morgan stopping by to check on her she opened the door expecting to see him there.

She opened the door and was shocked at the sight before her eyes, it was Morgan all right, but with him he had several bags of things.

"Hey Princess." He said, making his way into the house. "Now where's my goddaughter?" He asked, looking around.

"Good to see you too, Morgan." Emily said, rolling her eyes. "Ella is sleeping in her nursery, what is all this?" Emily said, pointing to all his bags.

"My stuff, I'm here to help." Morgan said

"Right, I get that. But why do you need so much stuff?" Emily asked, pointing again to the bags.

"Because I'm moving in for a while." Morgan replied.

"What? Morgan, no, you don't need to do that." Emily said, waving her hands in front of her.

"Look, Princess, no arguments. It's hard enough to take care of a baby with two people; you're going to run yourself dead trying to do it alone. I'm not taking any time off work, I'm not here to bug you, I'm here to help. Think of me as a live-in boyfriend, minus the sex." He said, winking mischievously at her.

Emily rolled her eyes again but also couldn't stop the smile that was beginning to form on her face. "Morgan honestly, you don't need to do this. We'll be fine."

"I know you'll be fine, but that doesn't mean I still can't try to make this a little less stressful for you." He said, staring her down.

Emily smiled and shook her head, "Oh boy, this is going to be crazy. But thank you, Morgan." She said shyly.

"Anytime Princess, you're not alone in this." He said, pulling her into a hug, which she gladly reciprocated.

After a moment Morgan pulled away, "Now seriously, where's my goddaughter?"

Emily laughed and pushed him away from her playfully. "In her nursery, come on." She said, leading him to Ella.

Morgan walked into the room; the smile on his face grew as he stepped into the room. "There's my baby girl." He said, walking over to the crib.

"Do you mind if I hold her for a little while?" Morgan asked, looking to Emily for approval.

Emily smiled, "Of course you can." She reached down for the tiny infant and carefully helped Morgan situate her into his arms.

Morgan looked down at Ella's face and smiled at her facial expression. "Well look at this, baby girl already knows her godfather is going to spoil her rotten. Look at that smile." He said, carefully rocking the baby in his arms.

Emily shook her head, laughing softly. "Oh god, just no pony's."

Morgan looked down at Ella and then over at Emily, "I can't make any promises." He said seriously.

Emily laughed again, "Oh god, maybe I should have picked Reid for godfather." She said, trying to push his buttons.

"I'm going to ignore that comment since you're probably exhausted." Morgan said, making his way over to one of the rockers in the corner of the room and taking a seat. Emily moved to take the rocker next to him.

Morgan turned his face to Ella and started talking to her, "We can't promise Mommy no ponies because what would happen if you decide you want to be an equestrian rider when you grow up? You'd have to start learning early, wouldn't you baby girl?" Morgan said, kissing the infant on her nose.

Emily laughed, "You know, you're going to need a new nickname for her, Garcia might get jealous if she finds out you're calling Ella 'baby girl' too.

Morgan once again addressed Ella, "Uh oh, we can't make Auntie Penelope angry now can we? How about she's my baby girl and you're my pretty girl? What do you think?" He asked.

Ella made no indication that she had even been listening to Morgan, she just continued looking around.

Morgan shrugged, "I'm going to take that as approval."

Emily laughed once again, "Well, I'm glad you two have come to an understanding." She said sarcastically.

Morgan moving in ended up working better than Emily had expected, he hadn't taken time off work so he was still gone a couple days a week on a case but that was okay, Garcia tended to come over and help when he was away. Morgan had definitely been right, just having someone else in the house to split the late night wake-ups with made everything so much easier.

Morgan had been living with them for a month when Ella got a small fever. It wasn't a big deal, just made the normally calm and agreeable baby rather fussy and unable to sleep, keeping Emily and Derek up for most of the night.

By four in the morning they were completely exhausted. Thankfully Ella had finally stopped crying and the two adults were slouched on the floor of her nursery, leaning back against the crib.

They both were a mess, Emily's hair was frizzy and half out of the ponytail she had put it in earlier that day, her clothing was stained and definitely smelled. Morgan's appearance practically mirrored hers, minus the hair of course.

Emily leaned her head back against the crib, "I'm afraid to move in case we accidentally jostle something and wake her up again."

Morgan put his head in his hands, wiping his eyes. "Me too, god I don't know how some parents deal with babies who are like this all the time."

"Oh god, I think I'd cry every day." Emily said, horrified at that thought,

Morgan chuckled softly.

"So does this extremely fun night make you want kids of your own?" Emily asked, she was at the point where she was so tired that she wasn't even going to be able to sleep.

Morgan laughed again, "Oh god, I haven't thought about it. Maybe someday, I've still got time. As long as they turn out to be as good of kids as Ella."

They were silent for a moment more when Morgan spoke again, "What about you? You ever going to want to do this again?"

Emily smiled, "For as sleep deprived as I am, so keep in mind that I'm probably delirious, I still think I would want to do it again. Although that would mean I'd have to find a man."

Morgan turned to her at this point, "Princess, I know you've kept this close to the chest so if you don't want to tell me the deal then that's all right, I get it, but I want to be here for you, I'm not going to judge you, I just want to be here for you. What exactly happened with Ella's dad?"

Emily sighed; she was too tired to lie about this right now. "He's married." She said quietly.

Morgan didn't comment, he just looked at her, knowing she wasn't done yet.

"Well, at least he was married when we slept together, well technically he was separated. He's not anymore, married I mean. He's not married anymore." Emily said, still not looking at Morgan.

Morgan's eyes grew wide, "You still see him?"

Emily nodded her head.

Morgan tried to wrap his head around the situation, "So, he just doesn't want to be in Ella's life? He's just going to ignore the fact that she's his daughter?" He was getting angry; he couldn't comprehend why someone could just ignore the fact that he had a child.

Emily turned to Morgan, placing her hand on top of his, signaling him to calm down.

"Morgan, he doesn't know Ella's his daughter. I didn't tell him." She said, grasping his hand tightly with both of hers and staring at the floor.

Morgan's face looked slightly shocked, he put his head back on the crib, trying to process what she was telling him. A few moments later he looked up at her, placing his free hand on top of both her hands.

"Emily, why not? What if he wants to be in her life?" He really didn't know how to process what she had just told him.

Emily took a deep breath, "Well, when I got pregnant he was trying to patch things up with his wife and I couldn't ruin that. I just wanted him to be able to happy and now his life is such a mess I just don't feel right putting this burden on him."

At that, something in Morgan's brain clicked and he said, "Emily, do I know this man?"

Emily nodded her head, the tears threatening at her eyes.

"Emily." Morgan said softly, letting her know it was okay to confide in him.

Emily couldn't help the tears that started to fall from her face as she responded, "It's Hotch."

"Oh, Emily." He said, pulling her close to him.

He held her close for a few moments as she cried in his arms, stroking her hair.

As her tears quieted, Morgan spoke again. "How…how did it happen?"

Emily took a deep breath preparing to tell Morgan the story.

"You remember last year when Hotch and I came to that case in Milwaukee even though I had technically resigned and he had technically transferred?" Emily asked.

Morgan nodded his head signaling he did.

"Well, when we got home Hotch came over to my apartment and told me Haley had left and taken Jack and I was feeling terrible after getting hit with that two by four so I suggested we go out for drinks. We both ended up blacking out and when I woke up I was in his bed, I left before he woke up and the next morning at work I pretended like nothing happened and he believed me. I just…I didn't want to screw his life up even more. I didn't even consider the fact that I could get pregnant. It all just happened so fast, and I was doing so well compartmentalizing and then I found out I was pregnant and I couldn't just turn back the clock. I couldn't ruin what little was left of his family." Emily spoke, the tears falling silently from her eyes again.

They sat in silence for a while as Derek rocked Emily back and forth, soothing her as she cried.

A little bit later Morgan spoke, "Emily, answer one more question for me and I promise I'll drop it and I'll never tell anyone else. But, Emily, do you have feelings for him?"

Emily thought for a moment about if she really wanted Morgan to know the truth or not, she finally figured he knew everything else so she might as well confess this as well.

"Yes." She whispered.

Morgan closed his eyes, feeling his heart break for the woman in his arms.

"How long have you had feelings for him?" He asked, knowing she would tell him if she wanted to stop talking about it.

"Since I can remember. It was always just a little crush when he worked for my mother but it all came back when I started work at the BAU two years ago."

"Emily, I'm so sorry." Morgan said, he didn't really know what else to say at this point, he just held her and let her cry.

Morgan slowly pulled them both up from the ground, deciding that Ella seemed to finally be out for the night, he grabbed the baby monitor and pulled Emily into his arms, carrying her into her room.

He laid her carefully in her bed and climbed in next to her, he just didn't have it in him to leave her alone right now.

He pulled her close to him and Emily buried her head in his chest, her sobs growing softer. Finally she felt like she could breath again and she looked up at Morgan, "Thank you." She whispered.

"This is what partners are for Princess, I'm always here for you. We're family." Morgan replied.

Emily hugged him closer as they both fell silent, quickly giving in to the sleep they both so desperately needed.

_Oh, the comfort, the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person; having neither to weigh thoughts nor to measure words but to pour them all out, just as it is, chaff and grain together, knowing that a faithful hand will take and sift them, keeping what is worth keeping, and then, with the breath of kindness, blow the rest away. ~ George Eliot_

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><p><strong>REVIEW PLEASE :]<strong>


	8. I Believe In Symmetry

A/N: Thanks for all the reviews! You are all so kind, it makes me so happy to open my e-mail and see all your messages, thank you! I'm glad you liked how understanding Morgan was, I tried to write him being really upset at first but I just kept going back to him being nice, it just felt right, so I'm thankful it went over well! Anyway, back to Emily and Hotch! Hope you enjoy their interaction in this chapter!

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><p>Chapter 8: I Believe in Symmetry (Bright Eyes)<p>

_Life is the sum of all your choices. ~ Albert Camus_

**February 2012**

Emily and Hotch sat in Emily's living room, a mess of files spread out on her coffee table. Emily had retreated to the floor to make herself more comfortable while Hotch still sat on the sofa. They were working while the kids were playing the newest Wii game Ella had gotten earlier in the week, in her room. Normally they preferred the kids to play outside or at least do something that didn't involve video games, but the Wii kept them quiet, except for the sound of a Wiimote slamming into some piece of furniture and a loud "OOOPS" from one of the kids every once in a while, luckily Emily had thought ahead and the controllers had rubber covers on them as to not injure a kid or anything in her house.

Hotch bent down to retrieve a piece of paper he saw on the ground and picked it up to see what file it had fallen out of, but it wasn't a file. It was some sort of application. He turned to Emily with a confused look on his face.

Emily looked over to see what the file was, "Oh, whoops! I must have dropped that last night." Emily said, taking the paper.

"A preschool application?" Hotch asked, somewhat shocked.

Emily shook her head, "Yeah Ella got placed in this talented and gifted program and now all her teachers are telling me that it would be good for her to go to one of these private preschools and get a head start on getting into a good college. I mean, she's three years old for god sakes! And look at this application process, they want to interview her, how ridiculous does that sound?"

Hotch contemplated her question for a moment, "Honestly, it all sounds a bit crazy but what's wrong with Ella getting a head start? Have you seriously considered sending her to a private school?"

Emily exhaled deeply, "Well, I went to private schools when we lived in Europe and that was fine but whenever we lived in the US I just went to regular public schools. I mean, I turned out fine, I still got into Yale without all that fancy preschooling."

"Do you think Ella would like changing schools?" Hotch asked, smiling as he heard another clunk of a wiimote crashing against the wall and the squeal following it from the other room.

"I don't know, I mean she does love her school but she's never had trouble adjusting or making friends so I think she would be all right." Emily said, the look on her face questioning her reasoning.

"Okay, so I think the main question is do you think it would help or hurt her?" Hotch asked.

Emily gave him a confusing look, "What I mean is do you think she'll be happy focusing on all academics or do you want her to be able to just be a kid. I'm not trying to say those private schools are bad, I just think socialization with all kinds of kids with different interests and intelligence levels is better for kids in the end. Ella's an extremely smart kid, she's going to do well wherever she goes."

Emily smiled at Hotch, "You know, honestly, I don't think I want her to go. I just want her to have fun, it's hard enough having to worry about college once you get to high school, I want her to enjoy grade school and just have fun trying new things and making friends. I mean she's got Reid, he'll teach her everything she'll ever need to know and more."

Hotch smiled at her, "See that wasn't too hard."

Emily smiled back, "Thanks Hotch." She said, placing a hand over one of his.

In that moment Ella and Jack burst back into the room. "We're hungry." They both exclaimed.

Emily and Hotch looked up at them. "Well, it is about one o'clock, we should probably get some lunch." Emily said.

"Ohh Mommy can we make pizzas like we did last week?" Ella squealed.

"Oh yeah, pizzas sound so good!" Jack chimed in.

Emily groaned, the last time she and Ella had made pizzas had been a blast while they were making them but a bitch to clean up. Unfortunately she couldn't say no to the adorable faces of the two kids in front of her.

"All right, both of you go wash up and make pizzas." Emily said, standing up. "I really hope you aren't too attached to that shirt. This is going to get messy.

Hotch stood up, shaking his head and laughing.

Emily and Hotch made their way into the kitchen to start getting out the supplies. One of Emily's favorite things about her relationship with Hotch was that they were so comfortable in each other's houses. Hotch knew where everything was and he wasn't shy about helping and this made Emily feel like for a little while at least they were a real family.

They pulled out the ingredients and supplies when the kids came running back into the room and catapulted themselves into the chairs by the island.

"All right, we've got a few ground rules here before we begin. Ella, where does extra sauce not go?" Emily asked.

"In the garbage can." Ella answered, shyly.

"Good answer!" Emily said, "Okay so if you're under five feet tall you are not allowed to touch the sauce pan, capisce?"

"Capisce." Ella and Jack both responded at the same time.

"Okay, all of our toppings are right in front of you, put whatever you want on your pizza and when you're done either tell me or Hotch and we'll put it in the oven for you, everyone understand?" Emily asked the two kids.

They both nodded, eager to start their pizzas.

"All right, here are your pizzas, make tasty treats my munchkins." Emily said, placing the premade personal pizza dough in front of them. Jack and Ella immediately began to make their pizzas.

Emily then placed a plate in front of herself and Hotch and they started on their own pizzas.

Ella was barely five minutes into making her pizza and already had more food on the table and on herself than the pizza. Jack wasn't far behind, although he had done a better job of at least keeping the food off himself.

Emily wasn't worried though, the toppings were easily cleanable and at least Ella had managed to keep the sauce on the plate. Then there was the 'oops'. With a small thud, a big pile of cheese fell to the floor. Ella looked up innocently at her Mom and Hotch.

"Oops." She said quietly. "Sorry, Mommy."

Emily laughed, "Don't worry sweetie, cheese is easily picked up. You did well with the sauce this time. I'm still proud of you." Emily said smiling at her daughter and reassuring her.

Ella's grin returned to her face as she realized her Mom wasn't mad at her. Then, Hotch announced he would clean it up and bent down at the same time Emily did. They both knelt down at the same time, not realizing their close proximity and their heads crashed together causing Emily to fall back against the cabinets, luckily Hotch caught his balance and managed to grab Emily before she could fall onto the floor completely.

For a moment they were both lost in their own thoughts, their faces only inches apart, staring at each other without blinking, and Hotch's hands grasping Emily's waist. Neither of them spoke, they just stared at each other for a moment.

Fortunately Jack was the one to break the awkward silence, "Um, can I cook my pizza now?" He said, clearly aware that he was interrupting an awkward moment between his Dad and Emily.

Emily was the first to shoot up from the floor, "Sure, sweetie. Let me get that." She said, walking over and grabbing the pizza from him to put in the oven.

Hotch stood up a moment later, still a little flustered from their awkward encounter.

Emily put both the kids pizzas in the oven and the four of them sat in the kitchen and talked. Once the pizzas were done they all ate quickly and the kids even helped clean up.

Ella and Jack wandered into the living room, both of them looking sleepy.

The kids plopped on the sofa, curling up on the pillows staring up at Hotch and Emily who had followed them into the living room.

Ella finally spoke, "Mommy can we watch a movie?"

"Yeah, of course, sweetie. What do you guys want to watch?" Emily asked, walking over to the tv and looking through the dvd racks.

"I don't care, Jack can pick." Ella said, yawning.

Emily smiled, Ella probably wouldn't even make it through five minutes of a movie. She turned to Jack, "Hey buddy, got any movie preferences?" Emily asked the half asleep five year old.

Jack yawned and sleepily shook his head, indicating he didn't care. "Okay," Emily said, looking through the dvd racks. "How about some Scooby Doo?" Emily asked, turning around. "All right, no one really cares." She said, only loud enough for Hotch to hear.

He let out a small laugh as Emily grabbed the dvd and put it in, walking over to where he was standing by the sofa.

"Want to make some coffee?" She asked.

"Yeah, that sounds great." He said, smiling at her.

They both walked into the kitchen and Emily started making the coffee.

"God, you know it feels like it was just yesterday she was this tiny little baby, now we're talking about college." Emily said.

Hotch laughed at her sarcasm, "It definitely goes by quicker than you expect."

Emily smiled, "So does Jack still like kindergarten?"

"Yeah, he's doing very well. He seems to like it a lot, we read together every night which is always fun." He said, smiling as he thought about reading with Jack.

"Yeah, Ella's getting big on the books too, which I love. We just started this giant book of Disney stories, not the Princess ones, the good ones, you know, like The Laughing Place and the Wonderful Tar Baby?" Emily said, clearly excited about Ella's love of goofy stories.

Hotch laughed, "Of course she'd rather here about tar babies and breer rabbit instead of reading about damsels in distress, she IS your daughter." He said, his eyes twinkling as he teased her.

"Hey!" Emily started, "All right I'm not even going to try to pretend like you're way off here." She started to laugh as well.

The coffee was ready and Emily poured them both cups.

Hotch lifted his mug up, "I think we should toast, to two great kids who keep us on our toes."

Emily smiled and held her mug up, "To Jack and Ella."

_There is always a moment in childhood when the door opens and lets the future in. ~ Graham Green_

**REVIEW PLEASE :]**


	9. Waterfall

A/N: Hey all, sorry for the lack of updates this weekend, Halloween is my absolute favorite holiday so I had to celebrate ALL weekend! And not only did I party but I sang at two bars with my good friend and his band, it was an absolute blast! Anyway, this chapter is SUPER short, just kind of a little filler before the next chapter because it didn't feel right just jumping into it; it's a flashback so pay attention to the date! And I do have the chapter after this ready to go so I'll probably post it later today since I went two days without posting at all. Read and leave me some review love!

xo, JJ

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><p>Chapter 9: Waterfall (Gavin DeGraw)<p>

_Every child begins the world again. ~ Henry David Thoreau_

**July 2008**

Emily sat up straight in her hospital bed holding her infant daughter in her arms. Jennifer Jareau sat next to her and they both were staring in awe at the tiny girl in Emily's arms.

Just then they heard a voice coming from the door, it was slightly opened and the blonde hair of one Penelope Garcia was perfectly visible peaking through the door.

"Is it okay if we come in?" Garcia squealed.

Emily laughed, "Yeah, of course everyone come in." She said, looking up to the door.

Garcia, Reid, Rossi, Morgan, and Hotch all filed into the room, all of them grinning at the sight of the baby in Emily's arms.

"Ohh my goodness, look at the mini Emily!" Garcia squealed, rushing over to Emily side.

"So what's this little beauty's name?" Rossi asked, not once taking his eyes off the baby.

Emily smiled, "Guys, I'd like you all to meet, Elena Jade Prentiss."

"Ohhh, that's so beautiful!" Garcia exclaimed.

"Thanks." Emily said, "I'm going to call her Ella for short."

"That's perfect." Rossi said, still smiling at the baby.

"Hey, Emily?" Reid asked. "Would it be okay if I held her for a minute?"

Emily smiled up at him, "Of course you can."

Reid moved over to Emily so her could pick up Ella.

Emily carefully handed her to him and he cautiously held the little girl, slowly becoming more confident.

The team chatted and passed Ella around, of course Morgan kept insisting he get turn after turn.

Finally it was Hotch's turn, Emily watched as he carefully picked up Ella from Morgan's arms, his face breaking out into a big smile as the little baby opened her eyes and looked at him as if she was studying him.

Emily took this opportunity to watch Hotch with Ella, she smiled as she saw the huge smile on his face as he cradled Ella in his arms, rocking her back and forth.

Emily felt her heart skip a few beats witnessing Hotch holding Ella like that, it made her wish so much that she'd be able to tell him Ella was his daughter. She knew though that at this point in their lives that would be a bad idea, he was in the process of a divorce and he barely got to see his son, it just wouldn't be fair to throw her and Ella into the mix.

Emily watched as Hotch smiled down at Ella, one of his rare and brilliant smiles. It was wonderful to see his face light up, especially now that he had less and less in his life to smile about and his smile was becoming even more rare than it already had been.

While Hotch was holding Ella, JJ bent down to Emily.

"Hey, you all right?" JJ asked, leaning onto Emily's bed.

Emily shook her head, "Yeah, yeah I'm fine, sorry. Kind of got lost in my thoughts for a moment." She said, smiling at JJ who just returned her smile and grasped Emily's hand in her own.

Emily spoke again, "Hey, Jayje. I have a favor to ask you."

JJ's eyes became serious, "Of course, Em, anything."

"I was hoping you would agree to be Ella's godmother?" Emily asked.

JJ's face lit up, "Oh my gosh, really? Of course I will be!" The blonde jumped up and hugged Emily. The two had gotten closer and closer since Emily had joined the team and Emily thought of her as a close friend, she hoped that by asking JJ to be Ella's godmother it would convey that to JJ.

JJ finally pulled away from Emily, happy tears running down her face.

"Jayje, oh my gosh don't cry." Emily exclaimed, grabbing the blonde's hands as she pulled back.

JJ laughed, "Sorry, I just didn't expect this. But thank you, this means a lot to me." She said, smiling at Emily.

"Thank, JJ. It means a lot to me too." Emily said, smiling back up at her.

"So who am I sharing godparents duties with?" JJ asked, looking around the room.

"Well, I was going to ask Morgan, I just haven't had a chance yet." Emily said.

"Hold on." JJ said, moving away for a minute and grabbing Morgan from where he stood a few feet away.

"Hey, hey!" He said, as JJ pulled him toward Emily.

"Emily needs to talk to you." JJ said, pointing in Emily's direction and walking the few feet back to where everyone else was standing, still mesmerized by Ella.

"What's up, Princess?" Morgan asked, his eyes showing his confusion.

"Well, I just asked JJ to be Ella's godmother and I was hoping that you would be her godfather?" Emily asked him.

Morgan's face instantly lit up in a huge grin. "Are you serious? Of course I will. Oh, Emily. Thank you." Morgan said, leaning in for a hug. "This really means a lot to me."

"Me too." Emily said with a smile as she clung to Morgan as he warmly embraced her.

The team stayed for a little while longer until they finally had to head home and Emily was left alone with Ella. She held the tiny baby in her arms and thought about how different her life was going to be. She had done a lot of things in her life she wasn't proud of, her past at Interpol still haunted her and her indiscretion with Hotch would loom over them for the rest of their lives. But right now, those things didn't matter. Right now she got to start over, she was going to be able to reinvent herself as a Mom, she was going to do all the things for Ella her own mother had never done for her. She knew nothing was perfect, but she was going to try her hardest to make sure that no matter what, Ella knew that she was loved.

_In ordinary life we hardly realize that we receive a great deal more than we give, and that is only with gratitude that life becomes rich. ~ Dietrich Bonhoeffer_

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><p><strong>REVIEW PLEASE! Also, be warned, the next chapter is…intense. ;]<strong>


	10. Twist of Fate

A/N: Thank you for all the nice reviews! You are all so sweet, so here's the next chapter. I hope you like it!

Oh and I hope you all saw Valhalla and Lauren because this chapter takes place right after Emily left the BAU at the end of Valhalla. I didn't think to explain this before, sorry, but all the events of the show happened the same exact way, I just added in Ella. (I also added a year to make it work a little better). So this chapter goes from when Emily left the BAU. I really hope you like it! And if this was confusing…just message me and I'll explain. Thanks for reading!

xo, JJ

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><p>Chapter 10: Twist of Fate (Bad Lieutenant)<p>

_A mother's love for her child is like nothing else in the world. It knows no law, no pity, it dares all things and crushes down remorselessly all that stands in it's path. ~ Agatha Christie_

**March 2012**

Emily almost couldn't believe she had just walked out of the BAU, away from everyone she loved. She just couldn't do it anymore, she couldn't let her friends and family be in danger because of her. She had spent so many years trying to forget Ian Doyle, she had thought her life was getting back together, she was finally happy and now all that was going to hell. She had watched her former team be killed off one by one and she couldn't let that happen to her team at the BAU, they were her family. She had to protect them and she had to protect her own daughter. Doyle wanted her, no one else, and she was going to give him what he wanted. This had to end now.

Her first priority was to get Ella out of the country. She would never let anything happen to her daughter and right now the best option was getting her as far away as Ian Doyle as possible.

She walked into her house and Ella came bolting toward her, Emily tried to smile as she hugged her daughter back and explained to the nanny that they were going on a vacation for a little while and she'd call her when they got back.

The nanny left and Emily bent down to talk to Ella.

"Mommy, what's wrong?" Ella asked, sensing something wasn't right.

Emily couldn't drag Ella into this, "Sweetie you're going to go visit Grandma in India for a while, how does that sound?" She asked, trying to sound excited.

Ella frowned, "By myself?"

Emily nodded her head and tucked a loose strand of hair behind Ella's ear. "Yeah, sweetie, Grandma and Grandpa want to see you and Mommy has too much work."

Ella shrugged, she didn't seem very enthusiastic about the prospect of her vacation.

"Ella, I promise it will be fun, you love hanging out with Grandpa, don't you?" Emily asked.

Ella nodded her head reluctantly and buried her head into Emily's shoulder.

"Okay, sweetie, how about you keep playing your game and I'll pack quick for you?" Emily asked, giving Ella a hug before releasing her.

"Okay." Ella said, skipping off to play with her game again.

Emily sat on the ground in Ella's room throwing her things into a suitcase as quickly as possible

For the first time in years, Emily Prentiss was truly scared. She had stared down serial killers, come face to face with sociopaths, and interviewed rapists but that all seemed like a piece of cake right now. Her daughter, her only daughter, her baby, could be in trouble and it was because of a course of action she had chosen long before Ella was born, but it had come back to haunt her in the worst way. Emily couldn't lose Ella, she wouldn't, which was why she was getting her out of the country.

Emily quickly folded Ella's clothes and put them into a suitcase. She packed enough for a week, praying that Ella would be able to come home before then. Emily then went to grab Ella's favorite stuffed animal from her bed. It was a tan dog, ratty from the years of Ella taking it everywhere with her. Emily smiled at the dog thinking of where it came from. Hotch and Jack had given Ella the dog on her first birthday. Emily remembered Jack giving Ella the dog and telling her that he picked it out himself, Ella hadn't put the dog down since, it was one of those things she just couldn't sleep without. Emily clutched the dog tightly to her chest not realizing she was crying until a tear splashed onto the face of the stuffed animal. She quickly wiped away her tears, composing herself before she went out of the room to get Ella.

She grabbed Ella's suitcase and turned to leave the room, taking in everything she saw. The stars they had placed on Ella's ceiling so she wouldn't be afraid of the dark, the blue and pink comforter she had been so proud to pick out herself, all the pictures of the team hanging around her room. Ella had been an accident, but she was the best thing in Emily's life, there was no doubt about that. Emily shut the light off and left the room, hoping it wouldn't be the last time.

Emily and Ella left the house in a comfortable silence, Ella knew something was troubling her mother and being the intuitive child that she was, decided to just stay close to her mother before she had to leave.

Emily and Ella arrived at the airstrip, Emily had called her parents and explained part of the situation, she couldn't give them any details but they understood how anxious Emily was to get Ella out of DC and they had made sure a plane would be ready to take Ella to the US Embassy in India as soon as possible.

Emily reluctantly got out of the car, not wanting this moment to come, not wanting to have to say goodbye to daughter.

As she got out of the car an Agent came up to her and introduced himself, his name was Agent Rob Owens and he would be escorting Ella to India on direct orders from Ambassador Prentiss.

Emily walked around to the other side of the car, pulling Ella out of her car seat.

Agent Owens grabbed Ella's bag and told Emily she could have a some time to say goodbye before they left but they really needed to get going as soon as possible.

Emily nodded at him and he stepped out of earshot so she could say goodbye to Ella.

Emily bent down to Ella's level, staring deep into the beautiful dark brown eyes of her daughter. She was trying her hardest not to cry as she brushed a strand of Ella's curly brown hair behind her ear.

"Okay, sweetheart, you ready?" Emily asked, trying to look happy so as not to worry Ella.

Ella nodded, clearly a little skeptical about what was happening. "Why can't you come with me?" She pleaded.

Emily tried harder to fight back her tears. "Because sweetheart, Mommy needs to take care of some things here, okay? You're going to have so much fun with Grandma and Grandpa." She said, forcing a smile.

Ella shrugged, "But I'd rather stay here with you."

Emily tried her hardest to hold back the tears she so badly wanted to let flow freely. "I know, baby, I would rather you stay here with me too, but right now Mommy isn't going to be around for a while and I just want to make sure that you are taken care of."

Ella didn't say anything, she just looked deep into Emily's eyes, her face pleading not to leave her.

Emily spoke again, "Look, Ella, Mommy did some things in her past that she isn't proud of and right now she has to make those things right." Emily said, trying to be as honest as possible with Ella without scaring her.

Ella nodded, "Okay." She paused for a moment. "But Mommy, please be careful. And remember Uncle Derek says that you always have to call him when you need someone because he's your partner and that's what he's there for."

Emily smiled, this time unable to stop the tears from falling from her face. Sometimes the logic Ella employed in her reasoning was so far out of the league of a three year old that Emily almost had to think about it twice, but then again, Ella was Hotch's daughter.

Emily wiped away another tear that fell from her eye.

Ella looked at her with concern, "Mommy, why are you crying?"

Emily tried to keep smiling through her tears as she put her hands on the sides of Ella's face, "Because you remind me so much of your Dad." Emily said, now letting the tears fall freely and pulling Ella in for a big hug. "And I love you so much, from the moment you came into this world I have loved you and I will never stop loving you." Emily said, clutching a now sobbing Ella.

They clung tightly to each other for what seemed like a far too short amount of time when she saw Agent Owens coming back toward them.

"Sweetheart, it's time to go." Emily said, trying to compose herself. She pulled Ella away from her and held her by the shoulders, looking straight in her eyes that were still red from crying. Emily took a deep breath and spoke, "Ella, I need you to remember baby that whatever happens, I love you more than anything in this world. You will always and forever be the light of my life and I've been so lucky to be blessed with such a wonderful daughter."

"I love you too, Mommy." Ella said, her eyes still watering.

Emily pulled the little girl back into a hug, wishing she never had to let go.

"Can I come home soon, Mommy?" Ella asked, her voice slightly muffled from burying her head in Emily's coat.

Emily sighed, she didn't want to lie but she knew Ella just needed a little reassurance right now, even if she didn't believe it. "As soon as everything is taken care of you can come right home, okay baby?" Emily said, a sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach.

Agent Owens finally came back over to get Ella. He grabbed her hand and led her onto the plane. Before they entered the plane Ella turned around and looked back, waving one last time at her Mother.

Emily waved back and smiled as her daughter boarded the plane, trying to think positively.

She waited until the plane took off almost a half an hour later and as the plane lifted up into the sky she broke down and let herself cry, a horrible feeling in the pit of her stomach knowing that she may never see her daughter again and knowing what she had to do now. She had to protect her family; she would do whatever it took.

_Only in the agony of parting do we look into the depths of love. ~ George Eliot _

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><p><strong>Review…please? And don't hate me, I promise I have a plan. <strong>


	11. Tears Dry On Their Own

A/N: Thank you all for the reviews! I know you want your questions answered and I promise they will be eventually, but I have to keep you reading somehow! Also, please don't hate me for using this plotline, I promise I have a plan!

xo, JJ

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><p>Chapter 11: Tears Dry On Their Own (Amy Winehouse)<p>

_Do not think of a painful experience as a dark time in your life. You emerge out of everything learning something or becoming a better person. You realize who your real friends are and how much your loved ones mean to you. ~ Colleen Ho_

_**March 2012**_

Although Hotch's stoic face signaled a look of calm understanding, underneath the surface he was going crazy, he could barely process what JJ was telling him. All he could think about was that for a moment, when JJ had come in and told them Emily was gone, his heart had felt like it had fallen out of his chest, now he didn't know whether to feel ecstatic that she was alive or even worse, knowing that she was alive but he would never get to see her again.

"She wants to see you." JJ said.

His heart stopped, he was a little confused, "She what?" he responded.

"She said that she needed to see you." JJ said, her expression showing that she didn't know anything further.

"Okay." He said, trying to remember to breath. "Okay."

JJ told him quickly how to get to her room and they both walked out to join the rest of the team. Hotch stayed for a few moments, there was hugging and crying and an eerie silence had come over the group. Hotch turned to Dave and excused himself, stating that he needed some time alone and he would be outside getting some air. Dave nodded in understanding and Hotch made his way out of the lobby. When he hit the stairwell he ran up the stairs. He found her room and hesitated for a moment before going in. He finally worked up the courage and his heart broke at the sight before him, there was Emily, lying in a bed motionless, monitors hooked to her body, keeping track of her vitals. She looked so helpless, a word that under even the worst of circumstances he would never have used to describe her. She looked over at him and tried to sit up, but grimaced immediately in pain. Hotch quickly came to her side, throwing protocol out the window he placed one of his hands on her head, smoothing back her mussed up hair while his other hand found hers, squeezing it tightly. He had so many things he wanted to ask her, to tell her, but somehow he just couldn't find the words. The only word he managed to get out was, "Emily", he didn't know if he meant it as a question, a statement, or simply a plea. She struggled as she tied to find the energy to speak, her voice failing to mask the pain she obviously felt.

"Hotch, I can't explain everything to you, we don't have time. But there is one thing I had to tell you myself." She paused for a moment, taking a deep and painful breath. "Hotch…" she said and the paused, unsure of how to continue, finally deciding to just say what she needed to outright, "Hotch, Ella is your daughter."

Hotch stared blankly at her, bewilderment evident in his expression. Emily continued, "That night you came to my apartment, after Haley left, we went out and drank…I…I denied it afterword because I didn't want you feeling guilty for anything else. I understand if you're mad at me but please don't take it out on her, you're Ella's father and she needs one of her parents, she deserves that." Emily said, the tears starting to fall from her eyes. Hotch moved the hand placed in her hair down to his other hand, holding hers. He gripped her hand tightly and just stared at it for a moment, he wanted to be angry, he wanted to yell at her and take back the last four years, he wanted to be furious about the situation, but somehow he couldn't, he couldn't make himself be angry at Emily who was lying so helplessly in the hospital bed, actually when he really thought about it the only thing he was angry about was that he had denied what should have been so blatantly obvious to him. She only wanted to protect him, as always, because that was who she was, she was the kind of person who would do anything for the people she loved. He was still at a loss for words so she spoke again.

"Hotch, I need you to tell her something for me." Emily asked, once she felt Hotch had finally come out of his stupor.

"Anything", he responded, taking her hand and holding her hand tightly to his chest, as if he was afraid to let go.

"Please tell her that I love her and please don't ever let her forget it, please don't let her forget me." Emily said, the tears now falling steadily from her eyes.

Hotch bent down and kissed her forehead. "I promise. But you're her Mom, I don't think she ever could." Hotch said softly as silent tears started falling from his eyes, he wanted to hold her, to pull her into his arms and comfort her, but not wanting to hurt her he settled for placing his forehead on hers. They stared into each other's eyes, both wanting to say so much but realizing their time together was running out. As Hotch looked into her eyes, this amazing woman, this woman who was going to give up her life so that her loved ones would be safe, he realized what he felt for her, the feelings he had been burying for so many years, afraid to let out. The happiness he got from spending time with her and Jack and Ella, the way he could count on her to watch out for him even when outwardly he was adamant that he was fine and did everything to push her away, that warm feeling he got whenever she smiled at him or he heard her beautiful laughter. In that moment he realized that what he felt for her couldn't be quantified through friendship, what he felt for her was love, he didn't even know how long he had loved her, if he was honest with himself he couldn't remember a time when he hadn't felt this way about her. He moved his hands to her cheeks, cupping her face and pressing his lips lightly against hers. The kiss wasn't passionate or lustful, it was soft and meaningful, a small gesture to let her know she was loved. Hotch pulled back after a moment, looking deep into her eyes. He wanted to tell her how he felt about her, how he didn't know how he was going to manage without her, he wanted to beg her to for once be selfish and think of herself. But he couldn't fathom making this harder for her than it already was. He pulled away, knowing he had to go before someone went looking for him.

"I swear to you, this isn't the end." He said, looking at her, his voice steady and assuring. She nodded her head, she didn't believe him even though she wanted to, but right now the reassurance that he wouldn't forget about her was enough. Hotch squeezed her hand one last time and reluctantly walked out of the room, he hurried down the stairs and rushed out the door, his chest felt heavy and his stomach felt like it was turned upside down. He collapsed against the wall of the building, finally allowing himself to fully break down. He didn't know if it was just a few seconds or many minutes later but he suddenly felt arms around him, he looked up to see the familiar face of JJ. He never allowed people to see him break down but right now JJ was the only one who understood, JJ had allowed herself to be vulnerable around him and he knew her opinion of him would never change because he allowed himself to be vulnerable in front of her as well. They sat together on the cold ground and cried.

_To die and part is a less evil; but to part and live, there, there is the torment. ~ George Lansdowne_

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><p><strong>REVIEW PLEASE? <strong>


	12. Where Is My Mind

A/N: Seriously, thank you from the bottom of my heart for all your kind reviews. It makes me so happy to know that my writing makes other people happy other than just myself. Thank you :] Anyway, I know this is extra short but it's a needed bridge between two chapters. The next chapter will be up tomorrow either afternoon or night depending on how busy my day is.

xo, JJ

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><p>Chapter 12: Where Is My Mind (The Pixies)<p>

_There are people in my life who give me comfort. When the going gets tough, as it invariably does, I can count on them for a shoulder to cry on – they will lift me up when I fall, they will hold me in their arms as I cry and tell me, 'Everything's going to be okay.' I am so thankful for those people. They are priceless. ~ Dawson's Creek_

_**March 2012**_

Dave found Hotch and JJ outside a while later. They had composed themselves by then, Dave announced that the team was getting ready to leave, Morgan was taking a still sobbing Garcia home while he was going to take Reid and Seaver out for some food and then home as the two younger agents seemed to be in a daze.

Hotch offered to drive JJ home, he needed to tell her about Ella. They got in his car and started driving, silent at first until Hotch finally spoke. He didn't know how to ease into the conversation so he came right out with it, "I'm Ella's father."

JJ's face showed no hint of surprise; in fact her facial expression seemed to show relief.

Hotch looked at her, confused, "Did you know?" He asked.

JJ took a deep breath, "She never told me, but I put it together."

Hotch looked at her again, his questioning expression begging her to delve further into an explanation.

JJ exhaled calmly, "Hotch, I spend a lot of time with you and Emily and Ella, you don't have to be a profiler to realize that half the traits Ella gets from you aren't ones she could have picked up from just spending time with you. I don't know, maybe it's because I'm a Mom because the rest of the team seems to be just as oblivious to this little secret as you were, but Ella is definitely your daughter."

Hotch sat there stunned for a moment, JJ was right, as usual. They sat in silence for a while until he finally spoke as he pulled into her driveway, "JJ, how do I do this?" He asked, his eyes dark and heavy, the dark circles under his eyes more prevalent. Hotch looked stern the majority of the time, at work he could get angry, and when they were on play dates with the kids his frown was easily transformed into a smile, but this, this sadness in his face, the way he looked so completely lost and confused. He hadn't even looked this broken when Haley had been killed. He looked like a little lost boy who just didn't know how to keep going. JJ's heart broke as she took in the complete sadness she saw in Hotch's face. She took a deep breath and responded to his question.

"You just do." She replied. "You tell her you love her and you be there for her. You're a great Dad, Hotch. Be the guy you've always been for her, the one she can count on. You just do what you can every day to convince her that she's loved. And you won't have to do it alone." JJ said, placing her hand over his on the middle console in the car.

"Thank you." Hotch said quietly to her, squeezing her hand in his before letting it go.

"Anything you need," JJ said, "please call me. I've already notified Emily's parents. They're expecting another call from me tonight so I'll explain the whole situation to them. Emily sent Ella to India to keep her out of Doyle's reach so right now she's there. Emily's Mom agreed with me that getting her back in the states as soon as possible was the best decision so she's been setting up a flight, I'll let you know when it's supposed to come in."

Hotch nodded in understanding as JJ got out of the car and walked into her house.

His drive home was slow and deliberate. Jack was with Jessica so he had no one to get home to. He walked into his apartment and got ready for bed after sending the team a short text saying he didn't expect anyone to come in tomorrow, they all needed to do what was right for them, if they needed to be in the BAU to keep their minds off the grief then that was fine, if they needed some time to adjust, that was fine too.

He changed and lay down in his bed, realizing after a while that there was no way he would be sleeping much tonight. His mind was racing a mile a minute.

He wandered into the kitchen, grabbing a bottle of scotch from his cupboard, pouring it into a tumbler and taking a large swig from it. He winced as the smoky liquid made it's way down his throat, instantly relaxing him.

He made his way to the living room and made himself comfortable on the sofa, placing the glass and the bottle on the table in front of him.

He turned the television on, flipping through channels until he found an old movie. He couldn't remember the name but it was some ridiculous romantic comedy that he remembered Haley making him watch numerous times. But right now he didn't care, he just needed some background noise.

He barely paid attention to the movie, his attention faltering as he poured himself glass after glass of scotch, willing himself into a restless dreamland where he fondly recalled the first interaction with Emily Prentiss he'd ever had, over twenty years ago back when she was just an ambassadors daughter and he was still a young and ambitious security agent.

_The thing people forget is how good it can feel when you finally set secrets free. Whether good or bad, at least they're out in the open, like it or not. And once your secrets are out in the open, you don't have to hide behind them anymore. The problem with secrets is even when you think you're in control, you're not. ~ Grey's Anatomy_

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><strong>Leave me some review love, please? This will get less sad, I promise. <strong>

**Also, you know you're addicted to tumblr when you're talking about the type of glass and you think spelling it "tumbler" looks strange. Am I right?**


	13. If I Knew Then

A/N: Thanks for all your reviews! Especially greengirl82 for pointing out my date mistake, I went back and fixed it. The year should have been 2012, I added in an extra year to make Ella one year older, I hope you all aren't too confused!

Anyway, I'm a little obsessed with this chapter, there's a part of me that really wants to write a story about Hotch and Emily starting a relationship while he's working for her mother….oh brain….maybe that will be my second story…anyway, I hope you enjoy this chapter, it's a flashback but it's not sad like the last few chapters.

xo, JJ

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><p>Chapter 13: If I Knew Then (Lady Antebellum)<p>

_Memory is the diary we all carry about with us. ~ Oscar Wilde_

_**December 1991**_

Aaron Hotchner walked down the hallway of Ambassador Elizabeth Prentiss' home. This was his first command and he was one of the youngest agents to be given such an honor. He had been doing a late night canvass of the house. Ambassador Prentiss and her husband had gone to bed and their daughter, Emily, had come home around ten, although he hadn't met her, the agent doing the canvassing before him had logged that she had not left her room since arriving home. Hotch changed his path as he made a final sweep around the house. He passed Emily's bedroom and heard a noise, he paused outside for a moment thinking he had just heard a muffled 'oww' after a soft 'bang' coming from inside the room. He walked into the room slowly, not wanting to wake Emily up if she was asleep and he just happened to be hearing things. He opened the door to find her halfway through a window, partially sitting on the ledge, her upper body inside the house, while her legs and lower body were outside the window, she looked like she was stuck.

He moved quickly over to her. "Are you all right?" He asked quietly, not wanting to wake up anyone else in the house.

Emily looked up to see him standing there. "Shit", she muttered when she saw him.

He didn't know exactly what to say next, "Do you need some help?" He finally spit out.

Emily exhaled deeply, "My skirt is stuck." She pointed down to the hem of her skirt, which was tangled into a rough part of the wood that looked like it had been previously damaged. He looked down at her skirt-if you could call the tiny piece of fabric that-and saw what she was referring to.

"Here, I can help." Hotch said, asking her with his eyes if it would be okay to lean over her.

"Yeah, thanks." She replied timidly, looking a little embarrassed.

Hotch bent over her body so that he could reach the spot where her skirt was caught. She slung her arm around his back and gripped the back of his suit so as she wouldn't lose her balance from having to lean back to accommodate him. Their bodies were dangerously close to each other, his hands centimeters away from her upper thigh, Hotch was acutely aware of this as he tried to focus solely on untangling her skirt without ripping it. He expertly freed her skirt from the wood slivers and put his arm around her as he backed up so that he could help her back into the house.

She stood up, brushing the dirt and leaves she had collected on herself from her climb up to her window.

Hotch took a good look at her, sure he had seen pictures of her many times before but seeing her in person was different. She had always looked like a pretty girl in the pictures but the woman standing before him was nothing short of beautiful. She was tall and thin, her long legs seeming to go on for miles, her brown eyes stood out on her face, and her gorgeous long brown hair was hanging loosely down her back and arms in beautiful waves. Her choice of clothing looked fantastic on her, Hotch studied the striped green and navy miniskirt she was sporting and the white t-shirt with a navy screened imagine of The Smiths on it. She sported grey sky-high booties with silver studs on them to match the silver detailing on her skirt.

She stared at him for a moment too. Most of the security details her mother had were older and extremely unattractive, not to mention would have scolded her immediately for sneaking out instead of helping her right away. But this man was different; this agent was young and handsome. He had dark black hair, perfectly combed on his head, he was tall, at least 6'2" she guesstimated, and his black perfectly tailored suit accentuated what she could tell was an extremely fit figure.

At the same time they both seemed to notice that the other was staring and they both reverted to some awkward stuttering and glancing anywhere but at each other. Hotch was the first to come out of his stupor

"Are you okay?" He asked, concern evident in his voice but also a hint of nervousness indicating he wasn't one hundred percent sure that this was the right question he should be asking.

Emily looked at him for a moment as if she hadn't processed what he said. She came to after a moment, "Oh yeah, I'm good, thanks. My skirts not even ripped." She said, fingering the hem of her skirt with her hands. "Thank you." She added quietly, clearly a little nervous-and a little embarrassed-as well.

Hotch smiled slightly, "That's good." He didn't know what had come over him, he never got nervous, he was always confident in his communication abilities and he prided himself on being able to adapt to any situation. But there was just something about this woman, this beautiful, tall, and somehow fascinating woman, who was completely off limits for a countless amount of reasons, the main two being he was in a serious and committed relationship and the second being even if he wasn't, she was still his boss' daughter.

"Well, I'll let you get to bed." He said, backing out of the room slowly, shutting the door behind him.

"Goodnight." She whispered, just before he shut the door.

The next morning he had an early meeting with Ambassador Prentiss to discuss the security plan for an event she would be attending later in the week. Emily then came into the room, Hotch immediately noticed her, she wasn't wearing any make-up today, her long brown hair was now laying straight behind her back, kept out of her face with a low ponytail, she was just wearing jeans and a fitted t-shirt and yet he was still struck by her beauty. He had written off the spark he had felt the night before as an adrenaline rush from the events that had transpired and was trying to block it out of his mind. But now, seeing her again, he felt the spark come back and tried to shake it off.

Ambassador Prentiss then acknowledged her daughter. "Emily, was everything all right last night? I thought I heard commotion from your room late last night."

Ambassador Prentiss' question sounded more like an accusation to Hotch; her face was stern as she stared Emily down. Emily looked at Hotch for a moment, her eyes begging him not to rat her out.

Hotch took that as his cue to jump in, "That's right, Emily got up to get some water and ran into her desk in the dark. I heard the noise and came to see if she was all right." He said, his face stoic and serious.

Emily couldn't believe he had covered for her.

She jumped in, "Yeah I got up for a glass of water and stubbed my toe trying to find my way to the door. Agent Hotchner was kind enough to make sure I wasn't hurt and even got me the water himself." Emily added.

"That was very kind of Agent Hotchner." Ambassador Prentiss looked from Hotch to Emily.

"Yes it was." Emily responded, not breaking eye contact with her mother.

"Well, I should go get ready for my next meeting. Excuse me." Ambassador Prentiss said, and then left the room.

Emily and Hotch were silent until they knew for sure Ambassador Prentiss was upstairs.

Emily let out a huge sigh of relief. "Thank you so much, you really didn't have to do that."

"Don't worry about it, I understand that it's hard to be a college student coming home and having to live by your parents old rules." Hotch said, his face still serious.

Emily smiled, her brilliant thousand-watt smile at him, "Well, thank you. I really do appreciate it."

Hotch smiled a tiny smile back at her. "I should get going." He said, pointing to the door.

"Of course. Me too." Emily said, but instead of taking a step away from him she stepped up to him and placed a kiss on his cheek.

"Thank you again." She said, and then walked out of the room.

Hotch made his way outside, he didn't know what it was but something about Emily Prentiss intrigued him.

_In your life, you meet people. Some you never think about again. Some, you wonder what happened to them. There are some that you wonder if they ever think about you. And then there are some you wish you never had to think about again. But you do. ~ The Wonder Years_

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><p><strong>REVIEW PLEASE? I REALLY want to know if you liked this chapter, a bunch of ideas are running around my mind in regards to writing a story about Hotch and Emily starting to date when he works for her mother, it's probably been overdone but I think I have a pretty original idea. What do you guys think?<strong>


	14. Not The Same

A/N: Wow, thank you all so much for all the comments about me keeping the characters true to their personalities, that's my biggest concern when I write and it means so much to me that you all think I'm doing well in that area. Thank you SO much, you guys are amazing!

xo,

JJ

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><p>Chapter 14: Not The Same (Ben Folds)<p>

_A tragedy need not have blood and death; it's enough that it all be filled with that majestic sadness that is the pleasure of tragedy. ~ Jean Racine_

_**March 2012**_

Hotch waited on the tarmac, leaning against his car as the plane taxied to the gate and they prepared for the deplaning process. He watched as the plane doors opened and the stairs came down. His heart raced as he saw a security agent open the doors and he knew it would only be moments before Ella would be within sight.

A few moments later they started to deplane, Elizabeth Prentiss walked down the stairs, her three-year-old granddaughter tucked into her arms.

They walked toward him and Hotch felt his eyes well up at the sight of the tiny girl looking so fragile in her grandmother's arms.

Elizabeth stopped a couple feet in front of him and Ella turned her head to see why they had stopped moving. She spotted Hotch and immediately loosened her grip on her grandmother and lunged at him, her arms begging him to take her from her grandmother.

Hotch reached out for the little girl and pulled her gently into his arms.

"Hotch, I want my Mommy." She pleaded.

His face tightened, trying to prevent the tears from falling, and hugged her closer.

"I know sweetheart, I know." He said, rocking her back and forth.

Ella clutched him tightly, her tiny hands gripping his suit, her face buried in the crook of his neck.

Elizabeth instructed her security detail to place Ella's things in Hotch's car; neither of them really knew what to say, but what did you say in this situation? There was nothing either of them could say to make it any easier; to make it hurt any less. The pain wouldn't go away any time soon.

Hotch decided he would be the first to speak, "Thank you for bringing her back."

Elizabeth nodded, running a hand down Ella's back. "Take care of her Agent Hotchner."

Hotch nodded, his lips pursed tightly, fighting back his emotions, still clutching Ella close to him.

They each went their separate ways, Hotch took Ella back home, the little girl had fallen asleep in the back of the car within moments of them getting on the freeway. When they arrived at his apartment, Hotch looked at the clock, it was 4PM, she had obviously missed her nap from earlier in the day. So he took her gently from the car and moved her into his apartment and laid her down carefully to sleep in Jack's room. Tucking her in gently he sat next to her and made sure she was fast asleep before leaving the room to head out to the living room so he could lose himself in some work he brought home.

An hour later Hotch looked up from his hunched over position at his desk to see Ella standing next to him, her eyes red and puffy as she rubbed them with her hands.

Hotch looked up and turned around in his chair so that he was facing Ella directly.

She immediately closed the gap between them and Hotch reached down to help her and pulled her up to his lap where she immediately curled herself into his side.

Hotch let her bury herself in his arms for a few moments, stroking her hair softly as she quietly sniffled into his side.

Hotch stood up slowly and grasped the little girl tightly in his arms as he made his way to the sofa, hoping to make it a more comfortable place to talk to her about the situation they were in.

Hotch sat back down on the sofa, looking at Ella and asking her, "You all right, sweetheart?"

Ella shook her head 'no', unenthusiastically and immediately cuddled back into his side.

Hotch took a deep breath, "Ella, I know this is very hard but we need to talk, do you think you can talk to me for a little while?" Hotch asked, stroking the little girls hair gently.

Ella looked up and nodded, then adjusted herself so she was seated on Hotch's lap, her hands still gripping his shirt as if she was afraid to let go.

Hotch ran his hand through her long dark hair and started to speak, "Okay El, you know how your Mom always told you that you didn't have a Dad?"

Ella looked at him, confusion evident in her eyes, and nodded her head.

"Well, that's not exactly true." He said, taking a deep breath, "I'm your Dad, Ella." Hotch said, not really knowing what kind of reaction to expect from Ella, after all, she was only three years old.

Ella continued to look at him, somewhat expressionless as if she understood perfectly what he was saying.

"I'm sorry, sweetheart. I'm sorry that I haven't been there for you before now. But I'm here now and I will never leave you. I promise." Hotch said, tears threatening from his eyes.

Ella still stared at him, but instead of speaking she reached her hand up to his eye to brush away a rogue tear.

Hotch continued to speak, "I know that you miss your Mom and it hurts a lot, there's nothing I can do or say to make that better, but I want you to know that I love you and I'm here for you and Jack is here for you. You have a lot of people who love you and care about you."

Ella finally spoke, "I miss Mommy so much. Why did she have to go? It's not fair." She said, the tears finally falling from her eyes.

"I don't know sweetheart, I wish she didn't have to go too. You're right, it's not fair. Nothing about this is fair." He didn't know what else to say to the sobbing child in his arms because it wasn't fair, there was nothing about this situation that was fair. Emily was still alive, she deserved to be here with her daughter but she wasn't because she didn't want to risk the lives of so many people she loved.

Hotch cupped her head in his hands, brushing the tears from her eyes. He wanted so badly to comfort her but at the same time he just didn't know what to say. He then remembered something JJ had told him after Haley died, something that had helped him get through it and he couldn't think of any better way to phrase it than the way she had.

"Ella, losing someone is never easy. But one day you'll remember her and it won't hurt. You'll be happy. You had a wonderful Mom and she loved you more than anything in this world. Never forget that, okay?" Hotch said, staring into the little girls eyes. He knew from experience that JJ had been right, but he knew the road to happiness was a long and difficult one.

Ella nodded her head in understanding and finally gave up on trying to hold in her tears and let them fall freely from her eyes.

Hotch pulled her tightly into his arms, holding the little girl with everything he had and for the first time he made the connection that this was his daughter, his flesh and blood. This beautiful little girl was HIS little girl, this dainty little brunette thing who looked so much like her mother, the little girl he had taken to the park so many times, tucked into bed, read her stories, brushed her hair, and told he loved. He couldn't screw this up any more than it already was, he wouldn't.

_Hope is important because it can make the present moment less difficult to bear. If we believe that tomorrow will be better, we can bear a hardship today. ~ Thich Nhat Hanh_

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><p><strong>REVIEW PLEASE?<strong>


	15. When It Rains

A/N: As always, thank you so much for the kind reviews. They mean the world to me! This chapter is sad again, there will be a few more gloomy ones but don't fret, I do have a plan! Thanks for reading!

xo,

JJ

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><p>Chapter 15:When It Rains (Paramore)<p>

_What you leave behind is not what is engraved in stone monuments, but what is woven into the lives of others. ~ Pericles_

**March 2012**

Ella sat silently on Hotch's bed as she watched him put on his tie and then help Jack do the same. She hadn't spoken a word all morning and since Hotch had picked her up from the airstrip she had refused to be more than a few feet away from him at all times. It was as if she thought that if she let him out of her sight she would never see him again.

Jack had been wonderful with Ella, unfortunately he knew what it was like to lose a mother and therefore understood what Ella was going through. He had spent the whole week quietly making sure that Ella felt comfortable in the house, giving her toys to play with, and silently keeping an eye out for her in case she needed something. Hotch couldn't have been prouder of his son, he had even helped Hotch set up old bed so that Ella would have her own place to sleep.

Hotch had explained to Jack, in the about the same terms he had used with Ella, their new situation. He felt horrible having to tell Jack that Emily had died, Jack was devastated about losing Emily, ever since Haley had died he had looked to Emily for motherly advice. Fortunately Jack was thrilled to find out that Ella was his sister, Hotch had been nervous about Jack's reaction, they already had so little time together and he was afraid Jack would react badly to the news that now he had to share the little time he had with his Dad. But the more Hotch thought about it, the more he understood Jack's happiness, when Hotch was away he was alone, having Ella around all the time was a comfort, it would help him feel like he wasn't so alone and Hotch knew that would be a good thing for both kids. Hotch also thanked god for Jack still being little enough to not ask for the explanations behind why Ella was all of a sudden his little sister, the little boy was just happy to be a big brother and intent on helping Ella through such a hard time in her life.

Knowing it would be hard for Hotch, JJ had taken it upon herself to go to Emily's brownstone and pick up most of Ella's things for Hotch, she even picked out an outfit for Ella to wear to the funeral. Hotch was extremely grateful for this, as he would have had no idea what to pick out for Ella to wear. If he was honest with himself, he was terrified about this whole thing; he was now a single father to two children. He had known Ella her whole life, but he had never been her father, he was clueless on how to father a little girl. Knowing he had JJ to turn to made his slightly less terrified.

Ella was silent the whole way to the funeral and throughout it, she stood close to Hotch the whole time, clutching his hand tightly, Jack stood on the other side of Ella, taking his newfound big brother duties very seriously and holding her other hand throughout the funeral until JJ motioned for him to come to her, which he did reluctantly, not wanting to leave his sister alone but at the same time knowing his Dad just wanted to help Ella in whatever way he could. Hotch couldn't have been more proud of Jack if he tried.

They stood in the graveyard, watching as the coffin only Hotch and JJ knew was empty, was lowered into the ground. As everyone in attendance silently filed out of the graveyard, Hotch stood stone still with a similarly frozen Ella by his side, her hand grasping his hand tightly, as if letting go would mean losing him forever as well. JJ was taking Jack with her so that Hotch could focus on Ella. At this point, JJ was still the only one who knew about Hotch being Ella's dad but the entire team was so focused on their grief that they didn't find it odd that Ella was with Hotch instead of her grandparents, after all, it wasn't surprising for Ella to be with Hotch in the first place.

He looked back at JJ, who nodded her head, her silent confirmation that she knew Hotch wanted to give Ella a chance to say goodbye to her Mom. He nodded back to her and then turned his attention to Ella.

Hotch looked at Ella as he saw the little girl step forward to place her hand on the cold stone that was her mother's gravestone. Her tiny fingers tracing the letters of her mother's name as she stood there in silence.

Hotch took a knee next to the little girl, not caring that he would be getting his slacks dirty, he pulled the now sobbing child into his arms, trying his best to comfort her. She had remained so stiff and stone-faced throughout the funeral; he had been wondering when her façade of strength would fall.

"Elly." He said softly, hoping to catch her attention.

Ella looked up at him, her face still shining from the fresh tears running down it.

"Sweetheart." Hotch started, tucking a loose strand of hair behind her ear. "Can I tell you something?" He asked her.

Ella nodded her head, looking at him intently.

"You know that your Mom can't hold you or talk to you anymore but that doesn't mean you can't talk to her." Hotch said, trying to put this in terms a three-year-old would understand.

"Why would I talk to her if she can't hear me?" Ella asked, confusion evident on her face.

Hotch took a deep breath, "Because, she may not be able to respond to you but that doesn't mean she can't hear you. Sometimes just saying the things out loud that you want to say to her can make you feel a little better."

"But why would it make me feel better?" Ella asked, clearly skeptical of Hotch's suggestion.

"Because it lets you get things off your chest, it helps you to let go and to remember that your Mom is always watching out for you." Hotch said, hoping she understood.

Ella nodded her head, though her facial expression still conveyed that she wasn't too fond of this idea. "Okay." She responded.

Hotch turned them both so they were facing the headstone. "Is there anything you want to tell your Mom right now?" He asked, putting both his hands on her shoulders.

Ella looked at the headstone for a minute and then turned her head up to look at Hotch, "Can you go first?" She asked.

Hotch was surprised by her answer at first but agreed. He sat still and speechless for a moment more, thinking of what he wanted to say.

He then slowly moved forward, still managing to keep himself at Ella's level, placing his free hand on the headstone.

"I miss you, Emily. Every day. I won't let those responsible get away with this. I promise you that." Hotch paused before adding his final sentence, something that pained him greatly knowing he would never get to say it directly to her. "I love you, Emily Prentiss."

He could feel the tears threatening at his eyes but he refused to let them fall, instead he turned to Ella.

"You ready?" He asked her.

Ella nodded, following Hotch's lead she stepped forward and placed her hand on the headstone, never letting her other hand leave Hotch's.

"I wish you didn't have to leave." Ella said quietly, still unsure about what she was doing.

She looked back at Hotch, looking to him to tell her if she was doing this right. Hotch nodded at her and patted her on the back soothingly, signaling that she was doing well.

Ella looked back at the grave, a frown forming on her face. "I don't want to do this, she can't hear me." Ella said, her voice filled with anger.

Hotch pulled her closer to him to calm her down, "Sweetie, I know that this is hard. If you don't want to talk to her now you don't have to, but I really think it would make you feel better. You know your Mom can't hear you, but sometimes just saying things you wish you could say to her might make you feel a little better. Okay?" Hotch asked.

Ella exhaled deeply, "Okay."

She turned around, still sticking close to Hotch.

"Mommy." She started, pausing to collect her thoughts. "I miss you. I wish that you could still be here. I wish you could have come with me to see Grandma and Grandpa, and then maybe you would be okay. I love you, Mommy."

Ella turned around and buried herself in Hotch's chest once again.

"You did good, sweetheart." Hotch said quietly, hugging the little girl close to him.

Ella let herself cry in Hotch's arms for a little while longer, finally looking up at him and asking, "Can we go home now, Daddy?"

Hotch nodded, picking her up from the ground and carrying her to the car. As much as he hated to see Ella so distraught, he was strangely comforted by Ella calling him 'Daddy', it was the first time she had done it since finding out and honestly he hadn't really thought about it that much. But hearing her refer to him as 'Daddy made his heart swell, it felt so right, he just wished Emily could be there with them.

_Perhaps they are not stars, but rather openings in heaven where the love of our lost ones pours through and shines down upon us to let us know they are happy. ~ Eskimo Proverb_

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	16. Between Two Lungs

A/N: Wow, I honestly thought I'd be updating this thing like once a week but reading all your kind reviews energizes me and I just can't stop writing! So thank you all so much for your sweet words! The next couple chapters are still sad but I PROMISE you it gets better! And just because some people asked I wanted to clarify this: Morgan was the only one who knew for a fact that Ella is Hotch's daughter, JJ suspected it and Hotch confirmed it a few chapters ago, but no one else on the team has any idea. Okay, hope that answered a few questions. Thanks for reading!

xo,

JJ

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><p>Chapter 16: Between Two Lungs (Florence+The Machine)<p>

_Friendship is something that creates equality and mutuality, not a reward for finding equality or a way of intensifying existing mutuality. ~ Rowan D. Williams_

**March 2012**

It had been two days since Emily's funeral. The entire team sat at the conference room table, unsure to why Hotch had called them all together, they weren't taking any cases other than written consults right now so there was no reason for them to be gathered in the conference room.

Morgan turned around to face Rossi in his chair, "Do you know why we're here?"

"No idea." Rossi responded, leaning on the armrest of his chair with his head in his hand.

"Does anyone? We're not supposed to be taking anything other than in-office consults for the next two weeks, what could be so important that Hotch had to call us all in?" Morgan asked, no one in particular, he just wanted some answers.

Jennifer Jareau sat silent in the corner of the room, not wanting any of the profilers to realize that she knew what was about to happen, it was odd enough for her to be there anyway being as she didn't work there anymore.

Garcia's face was still red from crying, Reid looked like he hadn't slept in a week, Seaver hadn't spoken a word since arriving, and Rossi looked lost. Morgan was the only one who just looked angry.

He turned to JJ, "Jayje, you're here, does this have to do with Ella? She's still staying with you for the time being, right?" Morgan said, finally connecting the dots slightly.

JJ winced at the vocalization of the little lie she and Hotch had told the team about Ella, they wanted to wait a few days before letting the team know about Hotch being her father so they had told everyone that Ella was staying with JJ, it made more sense, JJ was her godmother and it was logical to think Emily might even leave Ella to her if anything happened. She looked up at Morgan, trying not to make any indication that he was right, she remained still as she responded, "Morgan, I think you should just wait for Hotch. He'll explain everything."

Morgan didn't look satisfied with her answer, "Is this about where Ella is going to live? Because I can take her?" Morgan asked, his eyes almost pleading, in his mind the one thing he had left of Emily was Ella and that was when JJ realized what Morgan was really worried about was the idea that Ella might be leaving DC if Emily had decided her parents got custody.

JJ took pity on him, "Morgan, I promise you Ella's staying in DC but that's all I can say right now." JJ said.

Thankfully before Morgan could ask another question Hotch walked into the room, clad in jeans and a t-shirt, surprising everyone with his casual attire.

"Good morning, everyone. Thank you for meeting me up here. I have a few things I need to discuss with you regarding Ella." Hotch took a deep breath, his voice as serious as if he was talking about a case.

The team was silent, staring at him, waiting for him to start speaking.

Hotch took another deep breath and started to explain.

"I'm sure you've all been wondering about Emily's wishes for custody of Ella, like all of us she didn't have many close friends outside the team she would trust with taking care of Ella and with her parents moving so much it was her wish to have Ella not grow up moving from place to place and stay here in DC." Hotch paused before he said the next part of his speech.

"Emily's request was that custody of Ella go to her father." He said, noticing the blank stares of the team, clearly they were all shocked, all except JJ of course and Morgan who looked strangely relieved.

"The night Haley left me, I went to Emily for comfort and we both ended up drinking a lot and sleeping together. Though she left before I found her the next morning and I didn't exactly remember what happen, when I asked her if anything did happen between us, she denied it. I realize now that she did what she did to protect me and my failing relationship with my family but the truth had to come out sometime and the truth is, Ella is my daughter." Hotch said, looking down to the ground, almost afraid to look his teammates in the eyes.

No one spoke so Hotch finally looked up and continued to speak, "It's fine if you're furious with me, hell, I'm furious with me, but right now Ella needs her family. I will be assuming custody of Ella and I'm going to try to be a good father to her but I would really appreciate your help. You are all her family and I think we all owe it to Emily to make sure Ella is okay; I know she would do it for any one of us if the situation were reversed."

Everyone was still silent; trying to process what Hotch had just told them.

Finally, Garcia broke the silence, "How is she?" She asked, tears falling down her face.

"She's not great, honestly I'm worried about her. Grief for children comes in waves because they can't process exactly what death means yet. Bad moments come at bedtime, when they're reading a book or doing something they would normally do with their parent who passed, something to trigger a memory. Ella is barely speaking, she cries at the drop of a hat, and she's not eating much. She spends most of the day practically attached to me. I don't know if it would help but I would appreciate it if you could help me try to distract her, to take her mind off everything and do something normal with her." Hotch asked, his plea sincere.

Rossi responded, "Of course, Hotch. We'd all be happy to help. We love that little girl."

The rest of the team voiced their concurrence.

Hotch looked at the clock and noticed that he needed to be heading back home. "I will be taking the next week off and when I come back I will be only working from the office for about a month. I've talked with Strauss about it and she understands, Morgan will be your lead in the field and I will still be in contact with you to offer my insights into any cases we take while I'm working from the office. Right now Jack and Ella both need to adjust and I know that you all can succeed without me. Well, I need to get going but feel free to drop by any time. Thank you all for being supportive during this time, it means a lot." He said, turning to exit the room.

As he got to the elevator he felt a tap on his shoulder, it was Morgan.

"Hotch, I…I was wondering if I could stop by tonight? I'll bring dinner for you, Jack, Ella, and me. I just, I really need to see her." He said, his eyes conveying the sadness his face refused to show.

Hotch nodded, "That would be great, thank you Morgan."

Morgan patted Hotch on the shoulder in response and they were silent for a moment until Hotch spoke again.

"You knew I was Ella's father, didn't you." He asked, looking Morgan straight in the eyes.

Morgan dropped his hand from Hotch's shoulder and took a deep breath, deciding then that honesty was the best policy. "Yeah, I did. And I'm sorry, man, I'm sorry I didn't tell you but it wasn't my place, Emily should have been the one to tell you and I'm sorry you had to find out this way."

Hotch looked at Morgan, slightly confused, "So, you're not furious with me?"

Morgan responded, "You know, when she first told me about it I was. I wanted to go knock down your door and tell you myself but then over time I watched you interact with Ella and take care of her and be there for her and I couldn't be angry with you. I finally got Emily's reasoning; she wanted you in Ella's life because you wanted to be, not because she was an obligation. You're lucky, Hotch, you haven't missed anything important in her life, you've been able to be there for her for everything so don't beat yourself up about this, you may have just found out that you're her dad, but you've been acting like it since the moment she was born. You're a good guy, Hotch, give yourself a break."

Hotch gave a small smile, "Thank you, Morgan. Thank you for everything you've done for her and for us."

The two men shared a handshake, no other words were needed, there was a mutual respect between them that just didn't need verbal assurance.

_There is nothing we like to see so much as the gleam of pleasure in a person's eye when he feels that we have sympathized with him, understood him. At these moments something fine and spiritual passes between two friends. These are the moments worth living. ~ Don Marquis_

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	17. Miss You

A/N: As always, thank you for all the kind reviews! I hope you enjoy this chapter, sorry it's a little later than usual, I forgot my ipad at home today, it was torture! haha

xo,

JJ

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><p>Chapter 17: Miss You (Foster The People)<p>

_If you have a wounded heart, touch it as little as you would an injured eye. There are only two remedies for the suffering of the soul: hope and patience. ~ Pythagoras_

**April 2012**

JJ opened the door to Hotch's apartment and let Jack and Henry run in before she headed in herself, Ella was currently perched in her arms, her head buried in her neck, not making a sound.

Jack and Henry ran to Hotch, who was sitting at the dining table clearly doing work he had brought home, they attracted his attention and started to explain how funny the movie they had just seen was. Hotch listened, a smile plastered on his face as they boys jabbered on about the movie.

Hotch looked up after a moment to glance at where JJ and Ella were, his smile faded when he saw Ella curled in JJ's arms. He turned back to the boys and suggested they play a game in Jack's room, they quickly agreed and ran off into Jack's room.

Hotch stood up and walked over to where JJ was standing with Ella. He put his hand on the little girls back and she finally turned to him, adjusting her head on JJ's shoulder.

"Hey El, did you like the movie?" Hotch's asked.

Ella shrugged, proceeding to play softly with the necklace JJ was wearing.

JJ looked down at the little girl and then back to Hotch. "She's been like this all afternoon." She said, frowning.

Hotch held his arms out and JJ transferred Ella to him.

Ella still didn't speak; she just made herself comfortable in Hotch's arms.

"Has she eaten?" Hotch asked JJ.

"No, she didn't even want popcorn." JJ said, reaching out and running her hand through Ella's long brown hair.

"Hey sweetie, lets get some food in you, how does grilled cheese sound?" Hotch asked, only eliciting another shrug in response from Ella.

He walked into the kitchen, JJ following close behind them. Hotch set Ella down at the table and sliced up some apple pieces while JJ grabbed Ella a glass of water. They set them in front of her.

"Here Ella, eat these and I'll have your grilled cheese ready in a few minutes. Okay?" Hotch asked, brushing the top of her head softly.

"Okay." Ella said quietly, before taking a piece of apple and slowly nibbling on it. Hotch and JJ started making Ella's grilled cheese and talking softly about her.

"It's been like this for almost a month now." Hotch said, the worry present in his eyes.

"I know." JJ said, looking back at the sad little girl.

"I know this is a hard situation but she's barely talking or eating, she refused to play with friends or even Jack and Henry. I had a conference the other day with her teacher, she said that she doesn't interact with the other kids at all, she does her work but then she just likes to draw or do things on her own. She gave me some of her drawings and all they do is confirm to me that she's depressed." Hotch said, he felt so helpless and he hated that.

"I don't know what to tell you, Hotch. She's not even happy around Morgan. Have you been taking her to that child psychologist?" JJ asked.

Hotch nodded, "He says that it's normal for kids to withdraw like this after the loss of a parent, especially because Ella only grew up with one parent. I just, I don't know, I understand what he means, Jack was withdrawn too, but it was more of a thing that came in waves, not this constant sadness, that's what worries me." Hotch said, turning around to look at Ella.

JJ sighed as she tapped his arm in indication that he needed to flip the grilled cheese. "I'm worried too, I just don't know what else we can do for her."

"Me neither, I don't even know how long to wait this out, I don't want to wait too long to do something and have it negatively affect her even more so." Hotch's face showed he was truly conflicted on how to handle this.

"Just trust your gut, Hotch. That's all you can do." She didn't really know what else to tell him. Hotch finished Ella's grilled cheese and cut it in half before bringing it over to her.

Ella whispered a 'thank you' but continued to nibble the piece of apple in her hand.

Hotch walked back over to JJ and they both stood against the counter, watching Ella.

"Morgan's going to take her out of school next week so they can go to that new military aviation exhibit at the Smithsonian. He thought it might be nice to let her go on a school day so it would be less crowded. I thought that would be fine, make it a little more special for her." Hotch and JJ stood silently at the counter, watching Ella eat her lunch, both of them couldn't escape the worried feeling that had been haunting them since Emily had died.

A week later Hotch was again at home looking at files when Morgan and Ella arrived home from their trip to the museum. Hotch looked at his watch, it was only 12PM, he had assumed they'd be at the museum most of the day.

Morgan and Ella walked into the living room, Morgan was carrying several bags and Ella clutched her favorite ratty stuffed dog she had been taking everywhere lately.

Ella made her way over to Hotch as Morgan set the bags down on the ground.

Hotch stayed seated on the couch but scooted up as Ella walked over to him so her could pull her into a hug.

"Did you have a good time at the museum?" Hotch asked, tucking a loose strand of hair behind Ella's ear.

"Yes." She answered, not elaborating any further. She then turned to Morgan, "Thank you for taking me Uncle Derek and thank you for the stuff." She said before turning back to Hotch. "Can I go to my room now?" She asked him.

"Sure, sweetheart." Hotch said, squeezing her small hand in his before she turned and walked away.

"Bye, pretty girl." Morgan said, waving to her as she walked back to the bedroom she and Jack had been sharing.

She acknowledged him with a small wave and disappeared into the bedroom.

Morgan then moved to sit in a chair and sank down into it, his hands covering his face, he looked exhausted.

"How was she?" Hotch asked, looking nervous.

Morgan sighed, "It's like she's not even the same kid anymore. God, Hotch this is really making me nervous. We walked around and she took everything in and looked at everything but every time I made a joke or did something to get her to laugh she just stared at me, it's like she feels bad being happy."

"What's all this?" Hotch asked, pointing to the bags on the ground.

"We went to the gift shop and I asked he what she wanted and she said nothing so I walked around and picked out things I know she likes and just bought them all. Man, I tried so hard to just get her to crack a tiny smile. Normally, she would have been laughing so hard the whole place would have been staring at us, I just don't know how to get through to her." Morgan said, and then quietly he added, "I really miss Emily."

Hotch looked down at his hands, "Me too." He whispered.

The two men were silent for a few minutes until Hotch finally spoke, needing to change the subject.

"You want to stay and order a pizza?" Hotch asked, he had grown accustomed to Morgan's company and found that he quite enjoyed spending time with him outside the office.

"Yeah, sounds good. I wasn't planning on working on any of my files until tonight anyway. Oh and I talked to Garcia on our way home today, she said she had an idea and she'd be stopping by soon, I hope that's all right." Morgan said, sitting up in the chair.

"Yeah, thanks for warning me, I'm open to anything at this point." Hotch said, picking up his phone to order them some food.

Fifteen minutes later Garcia burst into Hotch's apartment to find the two men engrossed in a true crime documentary.

Garcia looked at the tv and then at Hotch and Morgan, "Really? You two don't get enough of this at work?" She asked, pointing at the program.

"Well hello to you too, babygirl." Morgan said, looking up at Garcia.

"Hey, Garcia." Hotch added.

"Hello my tall, dark, and handsome friends it is great to see your ruggedly handsome faces on this lovely day, now where is the munchkin?" Garcia asked, looking around the room.

"She's in her room." Hotch said, looking curiously at the bags in Garcia's hands. "What exactly is in those bags?" He asked.

"Magic, my dear boss man." Garcia replied.

Morgan laughed and looked at Hotch, "I don't think we want to know."

Hotch shook his head and they both turned their attention back to the tv as Garcia headed back to see Ella.

She knocked on the door and peeked into the bedroom, "Hello, my angel. How are we today?"

Ella, who was lying on her bed with her favorite stuffed dog in her arms, bent her head forward when Garcia walked into the room. "Hi, Aunt Penny." She said quietly.

Garcia dropped her things on the ground and went over to Ella's bed and sat right next to her.

"Get up my little monster. We're going to have some girly fun." Garcia said, taking the stuffed dog out of Ella's hands and placing it on Jack's bed and then grabbing her hands and pulling her up.

"All right, I bought you a few things at the store so we're playing dress up!" Garcia said excitedly.

Ella didn't move from her perch on the bed.

"Come on baby boo, upsie daisy, we're going to use Daddy's bathroom." Garcia said, snapping her fingers to get Ella to stand up.

Ella sighed and stood up, following Garcia to Hotch's bathroom.

Garcia quickly grabbed a chair from the living room and pulled it to Hotch's bathroom.

She indicated to Ella to sit down and Ella complied. Garcia then pulled out a palette of make up from her bag and set it down on the countertop.

"What are you doing?" Ella asked, a frown on her face.

"I'm making you into a fairytale character, now hush, it's time for me to make magic!" Garcia said, getting started on Ella.

It didn't take long for Garcia to put a little make-up on Ella's face and make her already wavy hair into soft curls.

Garcia turned Ella around so that she was facing the mirror. "Well look at that, you look like a pretty princess." Garcia said, bending down to Ella's level.

She turned to look right at Ella, "Has anyone ever told you how much you look like your Mom?"

Ella's face looked blank for a moment, almost as if she didn't know how to respond.

Garcia continued to speak, "You've got her eyes, definitely. Big brown eyes, they're beautiful. And her big smile, but I think the way you smile is more like your Dad. And your hair, you've got beautiful dark brown hair just like your Mom's."

Ella continued to stare at Garcia with a blank look on her face, as if she didn't know whether to cry or to thank her.

But Garcia just kept talking, "Did you know that my parents died when I was seventeen?"

"No." Ella responded, her face curious.

"They were in a car accident. After it happened I dropped out of school and I would just stay on my computer all day, I didn't know what to do. It was really hard. But you know what helped me?" Garcia asked Ella.

"What?" Ella asked, clearly desperate to find out what had helped Garcia.

"I finally figured out that being sad was okay but I couldn't let it define me, sweetheart your Mom would be heartbroken if she knew how unhappy you've been. I know it feels wrong to be happy when something so horrible has happened but you have to remember that your Mom still wants you to be happy and to have a good life. You need to smile and laugh and act like a kid, your Mom would want that." Garcia said, clutching Ella's tiny hands in her own.

Ella finally spoke more than a word, "Daddy says that one day I'll remember her and it will make me happy instead of sad, is he right?" Her eyes pleading with Garcia to confirm what Hotch had told her.

Garcia smiled at the little girl and ran a hand through her hair, "He is, munchkin. It might take a while but someday you'll think about her and all the things she did that made you love her so much and you'll be happy. Right now it's okay to be sad, but you can't let that sadness keep you from being happy ever again. I know it feels wrong but sometimes it's okay to just push everything out of your mind and be happy. I know that's what your Mom would want for you."

Ella had silent tears running down her face as she spoke again, "When she used to tuck me in bed at night and I wasn't ready to sleep yet she would read me "Where The Wild Things Are" then when she was done she would call me wild thing and tell me if I wouldn't go to sleep she'd eat me up because she loved me so." Ella said, a tiny smile present on her face.

Garcia grinned, "See, that's a happy memory."

"How did she make you smile?" Ella asked, the tears from her eyes were almost dry.

"Oh boy, that's a long list. But your Mom had this ability to make me laugh whenever I was feeling down; she could make a joke even in the worst situation. So whenever I'm sad I think about something Emily would say or do to make me a little happier and it always works." Garcia said, a rogue tear falling from her eye.

She looked Ella straight in the eyes. "Are you going to be okay?" She asked, sincerely.

Ella nodded her head, "I'll try. For Mommy." She said, managing a small smile.

"For Mommy." Garcia repeated.

The two girls were silent for a moment, lost in their own thoughts.

"Okay dollface, let me fix the make-up on those pretty brown eye's and then we're going to put you in the Alice in Wonderland dress I got your for our trip to Alice's Tea Cup." Garcia said.

Ella's eyes lit up, for the first time in a very long time, "Really, we're going to Alice's?"

"Yep! So lets fix this quick, we don't want to miss our reservation for tea!" Garcia said as she got to work.

_In the midst of winter, I finally learned that there was in me an invincible summer. ~ Albert Camus_

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**P.S. Alice's Tea Cup is a real place in NYC, I'm just pretending there's one in DC. It's adorable, if you're an Alice in Wonderland fan I HIGHLY recommend it. **


	18. Fix The World Up For You

A/N: Wow, we hit 100 reviews, I can't believe it! Thank you guys so much! This chapter is a bit happier, I promise we'll get to what's going on with Emily soon enough but for now I hope the fluff is good enough :]

xo,

x

JJ

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><p>Chapter 18: Fix The World Up For You (James Morrison)<p>

_The best way to make children good is to make them happy. ~ Oscar Wilde_

**May 2012**

It had been a long road, but Ella was finally on the road to being happy. She had good days and bad days but thankfully Garcia had gotten through to her so the bad days were becoming less and less frequent and the good days were even better, Ella smiled and played with Jack. She laughed and smiled and acted like a kid, life was becoming the Hotchner's own version of normal.

Hotch had been trying to do work all morning but he was distracted by the laughs and squeals of Jack and Ella as they ran around the apartment. He decided to give up on getting anything done that day and leaned back in his chair.

Suddenly he heard a crash coming from the kids bedroom, he jumped up from his chair to see if anyone had been hurt.

He burst into the kids room, thankful to find that just a box of legos had tipped over and no kid was hurt. He sighed, he really needed to find them a bigger place to live.

Ella and Jack looked up to him with innocent looks on their faces and Hotch laughed.

"How about we go outside?" He asked them.

Ella and Jack's eyes lit up, they both squealed in excitement, it was a nice day out and they were still too little to be going outside into the apartment complex courtyard by themselves.

"Can we bring Sergio?" Ella asked, her eyes begging Hotch to say yes.

Hotch shrugged, "Why not." He answered her. When he had taken custody of Ella he had also gotten custody of Sergio, Emily's cat. The kids loved the cat, especially Jack who had never had a pet before.

"All right, lets go." Hotch said, herding the kids and the cat outside.

It was a little muddy in the courtyard since it had rained the past couple days but Hotch wasn't too worried. They walked outside into the warm May air.

"Can we play football?" Jack asked.

"Is that okay with you, Elly?" Hotch asked, looking over to the little girl who was still clutching Sergio, who was practically her size.

"Yeah!" Ella exclaimed, putting Sergio down so he could run around in the fresh air.

The three Hotchner's started playing football, or at least Jack and Ella's version of football which involved them passing the ball to each other while Hotch ran around trying to catch them and when he did he would tickle them until they dropped the ball.

Even Sergio got into the game, running around back and forth with the kids as they laughed and squealed trying to keep the ball from Hotch.

Then it happened, Jack tossed the ball near Ella but it missed, landing in a big mud puddle, fortunately neither kid went after it, but Sergio did. The cat jumped into the mud puddle, splashing himself and sending mud flying all over his black fur.

"Oh boy." Hotch said, staring at the scene in front of him and frowning.

Ella couldn't suppress her laughter at the situation.

"Oh, you think this is funny?" Hotch asked, unable to hide his smile as he spoke to Ella.

She nodded her head, still laughing, Jack had joined in the laughter by then.

Hotch grabbed Sergio and held him out from his body so as not to get mud all over himself too.

Jack and Ella continued laughing at the sight of Hotch holding the cat.

"All right, come on monsters, you two are helping me give this cat a bath." Hotch said, walking back into the apartment, Jack and Ella close behind him.

"Hey Jack, will you go start running the bath water?" Hotch asked his son.

"Yeah, Daddy." Jack said, rushing ahead to the bathroom.

A few moments later Hotch and Ella entered the bathroom where Jack had the tub filled a little bit already.

"Good job, buddy." Hotch said, sending his son an approving smile.

"Okay, lets get this cat clean." Hotch said, unfortunately that was when Sergio decided to jump out of Hotch's hands.

The cat leaped out of Hotch's hands, splashing in the bathwater and then catapulting himself out of the bathtub, sending water flying all over Hotch.

He stood there soaking wet in silence as the kids looked at him and Sergio proudly sat by the bathroom door, clearly pleased with himself that he had managed to evade Hotch.

That was when Ella started laughing, it started out a quiet giggle and then grew until Jack couldn't help but join in.

Hotch smiled at the two children and said, "Oh, you two think this is funny." He tried to keep a straight face but it was becoming harder and harder for him not to join in the kids laughter.

Jack and Ella both nodded, their squeals of laughter growing louder and louder as they thought about how their tiny cat had bested their tough FBI agent father.

Hotch was already soaked and the bathroom was already a mess so he figured what the hell, why not make a bigger mess.

He bent down to the bathtub and splashed water at the unsuspecting children who immediately stopped laughing and started squealing. This time Hotch started laughing as both children lunged at him. Hotch grabbed them both in his arms pulling them to him as they squealed about how wet his shirt was, and he continued to splash them even more. The kids finally managed to take him to the ground, he leaned against the tub, all three of them still laughing. They finally caught their breaths and Hotch pulled the two kids to him once again. "I love you two." He said looking down at each of them.

"We love you too, Dad." Jack replied, hugging his father.

"Sooooo much." Ella added in, joining in on the hug.

Hotch smiled as he held the children close, their lives had no doubt been difficult and they had a long road ahead of them but they were lucky to have each other, that he was certain of.

_What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us. ~ William Morrow_

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	19. Wish I Stayed

A/N: Thank you for all the reviews! I know you all want to know when Emily is coming back and I promise you she will soon, you have to wait a few more chapters but I swear she will be back! I hope you enjoy this fluffy chapter!

xo,

JJ

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><p>Chapter 19: Wish I Stayed (Ellie Goulding)<p>

_There's no place better to search for hope than the future; a concept that gives everyone in existence a reason to live. ~ Amy Newak_

**July 2012**

As the weeks went by Ella slowly and surely started being more and more of her usual bubbly self. So, with her birthday approaching Hotch and JJ decided they wanted to throw her a birthday party. They decided to do it at JJ's house since Hotch's apartment was too small to hold everyone. Ella had asked that the party be Alice in Wonderland themed and Hotch had never been so grateful for Garcia's enthusiasm and eccentricity as she had been more than happy to shop for decorations since Hotch had no idea what he was doing. Thankfully the party had come together without a hitch. Only the team was coming to the party, Ella had requested that specifically, so Hotch had taken her and two of her friends to a swimming pool a few days earlier. Hotch was secretly thankful she hadn't wanted a big party with a bunch of kids, this way would be much less stressful for him.

The day of the party came and Hotch, Jack, and Ella arrived at JJ's. Will greeted them at the door and ushered them into the house where they walked straight into the "Wonderland" Garcia, JJ, Will, and Hotch had created the day before while Morgan had taken the kids out for ice cream. Ella's eyes grew wide with excitement as she took in all the decorations. A chorus of "Happy Birthday's" was heard as she walked into the kitchen. She squealed in excitement and jumped into Hotch's arms saying "Thank you thank you thank you!" repeatedly. She did the same to JJ, Will, and Garcia, bouncing up and down the whole time.

Garcia put her hands on Ella's shoulders and bent down to her level, "Whoa there munchkin, lets take a chill pull and calm ourselves down, you don't want to fall asleep before you open presents do you?" Garcia asked her.

Ella's eyes went wide and she shook her head 'no'. Just then, Henry walked into the room and both Ella and Jack ran to him. "Mommy, can we go outside and play?" Henry asked, looking at JJ.

"Yeah, that's fine, you guys can play outside and then we'll call you in when it's time for cake, okay?" JJ said, then adding, "But make sure you stay by the jungle gym, I need to be able to see you from the window." JJ said, her face serious.

The kids all nodded their understanding, they knew the drill, they went outside to play and a few minutes later Dave showed up, a gift bag in one hand and a bottle of wine in the other. JJ looked at him curiously, "I really hope that wine isn't part of Ella's present."

Dave rolled his eyes, "Very funny, this is for the lovely hostess." He said, handing JJ the bottle.

JJ smiled, "Thank you, well come in, we're all in the kitchen, we're going to let the kids burn some energy before we do cake and presents." JJ said, ushering Dave into the house.

Within minutes, Reid and Morgan also showed up. The adults talked for a while in the kitchen while the kids played happily outside. After a while, JJ looked at the clock, "I think it's about time for cake, I'm going to go rally the troops." She said, turning to head outside.

Morgan stopped her, "Jayje, I'll bring them in." He said, moving toward the door.

JJ shrugged and opened it for him, "Be my guest." She said, letting him outside.

Morgan walked out to see the kids playing in the upper part of the jungle gym. "Someone tells me there's a birthday girl out here." He said, looking up to the kids.

At the same time all three kids poked their heads out to see who was there, once Ella recognized it was Morgan she immediately climbed out of the jungle gym and bolted over to him.

"Uncle Derek!" She exclaimed, jumping into his arms.

"Hey, pretty girl." Morgan said, giving Ella a big hug, "Wait a minute, you can't be four years old." He said, looking at her, "You still look the same as you did when you were three, you still feel the same as when you were three." He said, squeezing her cheeks and making her laugh.

Jack and Henry had made their way over to Morgan. "Jack, Henry, what do you think? I'm pretty sure she's still three." He said to the boys, who just started laughing in response, they knew Morgan was just teasing Ella.

Ella protested, "Uncle Derek, I'm FOUR now, really!" She said, laughing a little herself because she knew Morgan was teasing her.

Morgan looked at her, "Well, if you really are four now I guess that means you get cake." He said, his eyes twinkling at her.

"Yeah, cake!" Jack and Henry both exclaimed, both rushing into the house as fast as they could.

Ella attempted to get down from Morgan's arms but he grabbed her and swung her over his shoulder, "Nope, you're mine pretty girl." He said, starting to walk inside as Ella burst out laughing.

They walked inside and Morgan let Ella down, she ran over to stand between Hotch and JJ. Hotch pulled her up into one of the dining room chairs, right in front of her cake. "Ready to blow out your candles, birthday girl?" Hotch asked her.

Ella nodded, everyone was gathered around the table and they all sang her happy birthday, as Ella looked around at them all, a huge smile present on her face.

"Okay, El, go for it." JJ said, indicating it was time for Ella to blow out her candles. She stood up in her chair, took a deep breath and extinguished all her candles at once.

Everyone clapped and cheered for her and Ella smiled proudly.

JJ and Hotch handed out pieces of cake and everyone sat down, suddenly the room becoming silent as they all devoured their cake.

Once everyone was finished and all the plates were put in the dishwasher, they all headed out to JJ's living room so Ella could open her presents.

They all made themselves comfortable on the living room furniture while Ella opened her gifts. The perk of having so many unmarried, uninvolved Aunts and Uncles was that they tended to spoil the children. Hotch sat on the sofa next to Ella while she excitedly opened her presents, she was thrilled with everything everyone got her, squealing and jumping around hugging everyone as she opened her gifts. Since she had opened Hotch's present the night before on her actually birthday, he had given her the pretty dress she was wearing for her party and the American Girl Doll she so desperately had wanted, it had been expensive but Hotch hadn't minded paying the money because he knew how badly Ella wanted it and seeing the thousand watt smile displayed on her face when she opened the wrapping paper to find the doll and all the accessories he had bought to go with it made every penny worth it. But he also had been happy to buy it because he knew it was something Emily would have enjoyed buying for Ella and he liked that.

Morgan was the last to give Ella his present. He handed her a card and Ella opened it, Hotch read Ella the note Morgan had written, making her smile.

Morgan grinned at her as she looked up at him, "You want your present now?" He asked, standing up.

Ella nodded her head cautiously; she was clearly skeptical of what was happening.

Morgan held out his hand and Ella walked over to him, grasping his hand tightly with both of hers, and he led her outside. Everyone else followed them.

"Why are we going outside, Uncle Derek?" Ella asked, looking up at him.

"Because I couldn't get your present inside." Morgan said, a huge grin forming on his face.

High groaned "Oh god please don't tell me you actually bought her a horse?" He said, hoping Ella's gift didn't involve any living thing.

They walked out the door to a little red electric car sitting in the driveway.

Ella's mouth dropped open, "Is that…is that for me?" She asked, looking at Morgan.

"Yep, that is for you, pretty girl." Morgan said, smiling at Ella and patting her on the head.

Ella walked down to admire it, "Wow, it's so cool!" She said.

Jack and Henry had come down to check out the car too, "Ella you can drive that all over the courtyard, it's gonna be so fun!" Jack said, clearly excited about the little play car as well.

Ella finally looked away from the car and up to Morgan, "Thanks Uncle Derek!" Ella said, running over to him and giving him a big hug.

"Anything for you, pretty girl." Morgan said, hugging her back.

Ella ran back over to the car, she and Henry and Jack were trying it out and having a grand time figuring out how it worked.

Hotch walked over to Morgan as they watched the kids play with the toy, "Thank you for not getting her a horse." He said, making Morgan laugh.

Hotch let a smile form on his face as they continued to watch the kids play, things were far from being back to normal and the road ahead of them was a long one but knowing that the team would always be there was making the journey a whole lot easier.

_Family is just by accident…they don't mean to get on your nerves. They don't even mean to be your family, they just are. ~ Marsha Norman_

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	20. My Aim Is True

A/N: Wow, seriously guys thanks so much for the reviews. They legitimately make my day! You are all wonderful, here's the next chapter, it centers mostly on JJ, hope you enjoy!

xo,

JJ

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><p>Chapter 20: My Aim Is True [Alison] (Elvis Costello)<p>

_Maybe we're not supposed to be happy. Maybe gratitude has nothing to do with joy. Maybe being grateful means recognizing what you have for what it is. Appreciating small victories. Admiring the struggle it take simply to be human. Maybe we're thankful for the familiar things we know. And maybe we're thankful for the things we'll never know. At the end of the day, the fact that we have the courage to still be standing is reason enough to celebrate. ~ Grey's Anatomy_

**July 2012**

Jennifer Jareau sat in her car, parked outside CVS, where she had just picked up the pictures she had developed from Ella's birthday party the week before. She pulled the pictures out of their envelope and started going through them. She smiled as she went through the pictures, remembering the many funny moments form the party. She had taken over Garcia's normal role as the photographer for the day and had ended up with over one hundred pictures. She came across one she immediately knew was her favorite. She remembered what had inspired the scene before her, Reid had been demonstrating some new magic tricks to Ella and the photograph showed her standing on the sofa next to Hotch, her arms around his neck and her head perched on his shoulder. Her face showed pure joy as she watched Reid mystify her, but JJ's favorite part of the picture was how just when she had snapped the picture. Hotch had turned his head to give Ella a kiss on the cheek. JJ smiled to herself, the picture perfectly demonstrated how far Ella had come, she was finally back to being her bubbly self. The picture also made her sad though, her smile turned into a frown as she thought about Emily. She hated that Emily wasn't able to watch her daughter grow up. It made her heart hurt to even think about being alive and having Henry be alive but knowing she could never see him again, she honestly didn't know how Emily was surviving. She quickly placed the pictures back into the envelope and ran back into CVS to grab a frame for it, she wanted to give Hotch a copy of the photograph and knew he'd never have time, or remember, to get a frame for it. She quickly found a simple silver frame she knew would look nice in Hotch's living room or in his office, whichever place he wanted to display it, she'd paid for it, inserted the picture, and headed to Hotch's apartment.

Ten minutes later she was knocking on Hotch's door. He opened up, a little surprised to see her there. "Hey, JJ." He said, smiling at her.

"Hey, Hotch, sorry to drop by unannounced but I was running errands and got Ella's birthday party pictures developed and I thought I'd drop off the copies I made for you." JJ said, holding out the picture envelope.

Hotch smiled as he took the envelope, "Thank you."

JJ then handed him the frame, he looked at it curiously and then took it to look at the picture more closely. His face broke into an even bigger smile as he studied the picture JJ had placed in the frame.

JJ smiled at his reaction, "I thought you might want to display that one and figured with how busy you are you'd never have time to get a frame so I picked one up."

Hotch looked up at JJ. "Thank you. Thank you for this, JJ. And for all you do. I don't know what we'd do without you." Hotch said, breaking form and pulling her in for a hug which she gladly reciprocated. They broke apart and Hotch was the first to speak, "The kids are playing with the Wii in their room but I'm sure they'd put it down to say hi." He said, motioning down the hallway.

JJ shook her head, "No that's okay. I don't want to interrupt their game, plus I need to get home, Will and Henry are waiting." JJ said.

"Gotcha." Hotch said, "Well, thank you so much for these." He said, holding up the pictures and the frame. "I'll see you tomorrow then."

"Goodnight, Hotch." JJ said, as she made her way out of his apartment building and down to her car so she could head home.

A few hours later JJ laid in bed, unable to stop thinking about Emily. She knew Morgan and Garcia had secretly been trying to track down Declan in hopes that somehow finding him would lead them to Doyle. She couldn't help but think that if they could find Doyle then maybe someday Emily would be able to come home, when Morgan set his sights on something he'd never give it up until he succeeded. She got out of bed and pulled the picture out of it's envelope. She looked at it for a moment and pulled out an empty envelope sticking the picture into it. She sat down at her desk, pulling out a pad of paper, she wanted to write a little note but what could she say? 'Miss you.' 'Wish you were here.' Those all sounded more like taunts and she didn't want to make Emily's life worse, she just wanted her to know that they had never stopped thinking about her. She picked up a pen and carefully write a short message that would hopefully convey to Emily all the things she wished she could tell her.

She stood up and placed the paper into the envelope with the picture and then placing the envelope into her purse. She knew she shouldn't be doing this, but right now she didn't care, hell she'd been playing online scrabble with Emily for months now, sending her this picture was probably safer than that, she was going to get that picture to Emily because Emily deserved to know that Ella was happy and loved.

Thankfully the next day they didn't have a case that required them to leave the BAU so JJ was able to meet up with a former co-worker from the State Department. JJ walked into the café they agreed to meet at, waving as she saw him during her scan of the café. He stood up to greet her.

"Dan, it's so good to see you." JJ said, giving him a quick hug.

"JJ, how's the big bad profiler?" He said with a smile.

JJ laughed, at they sat down, "I'm good, the BAU's great, it's goo to be back. How are things at the State Department?" She asked.

Dan shrugged, "Eh, same old, same old. A little less interesting without you." He said, smiling at her.

JJ shook her head; "I had a great time working with you guys but the BAU's where I belong."

Dan smiled again, "I know, I just wanted to tease you about it. So what's up? You look stressed." Dan said, his smile changing to a look of concern.

JJ sighed, "Yeah, work's been hectic, we're still one team member short and Hotch has had to take on Strauss' duties since she's been on leave. Now he's going to have to leave the country for a couple weeks to oversee some project so yeah, we're stretched a little thin." JJ said, her tone of voice clearly indicating that she was a little stressed.

"How are things going with your goddaughter?" Dan asked, knowing some of the issues JJ had been dealing with in terms of helping Ella adjust.

JJ smiled, "She's doing really well, making lots of progress. That's actually why I needed to talk to you, I need you to get something to Eric for me." JJ said, pulling out the envelope and setting it on the table.

Dan looked at it, he knew without saying that what JJ meant was she needed Eric, the agent in charge of checking on Emily, to give this envelope to Emily. Dan had been the one to help her establish Emily's new identity in Pars and get contacts to check up on her.

"JJ, I don't think this is a good idea." He said, a look of uncertainty present on his face.

JJ looked him in the eye. "Please, Dan I just need her to see this." The pleading look on JJ's face was so filled with pain that Dan couldn't say no. He reached out for the envelope and put it in his coat pocket.

"Okay, I'll make sure he gets it as soon as possible." Dan said.

JJ looked at him and smiled, her face showing relief, "Thank you.

_Do not think of a painful experience as a dark time in your life. You emerge out of everything learning something or becoming a better person. You realize who your real friends are and how much your loved ones mean to you. ~ Colleen Ho_

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><p><strong>REVIEW PLEASE?<strong>


	21. I'm So Tired

A/N: As always, thank you for all your reviews. You guys seriously keep me writing, you are my motivation and you are all amazing! Special thanks to HGRHfan35 and greengirl82 because they have commented on practically every chapter and always leave such sweet reviews. You guys rock! Thanks everyone for reading, you are all beyond wonderful!

xo,

JJ

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><p>Chapter 21: I'm So Tired (The Beatles)<p>

_Nothing makes us so lonely as our secrets. ~ Paul Tournier_

**July 2012**

Emily Prentiss opened her mailbox expecting to find nothing, as usual, she always checked just in case the CIA agent JJ had put her in contact with had left her an update.

She opened the mailbox, surprised to find a letter, Eric had checked in on her only a few days ago and she hadn't expected him to check back in for a week or so. She took the envelope out and headed up to her apartment.

She hated being in her apartment, it was plain and dark and she felt so alone when she was there. She spent most of her time playing online scrabble with a girl named 'cheetobreath' who she knew was JJ, that was really the only comfort she had, the fact that JJ cared enough to break the rules and even though they couldn't talk, it still proved that she cared and that meant the world to Emily. Life was lonely, she didn't interact with many people and as much as she hated being in her apartment, being outside of it was worse. Walking around Paris should have been a beautiful experience but for her it was just sad. Every little girl she saw was a reminder of Ella and how she might never get to see her again, every time she went out it was like her heart broke over and over again.

She had been trying to track Doyle, but not having access to the same tools she had at the FBI was making the process very long and tiring.

She sat down at her desk, setting her purse on the floor and placing the envelope on the desk. She stared at it for a moment, a little afraid to open it, it could be good news but it was most likely bad news.

She took a deep breath and opened the envelope. It was just a note and said simply, '1900 at the Café. I have something for you."

Emily furrowed her brows, what could he possibly have for her that couldn't be placed in her mailbox? She looked at her clock, it was only 1500, she had a few hours to kill before meeting Eric.

The hours passed even more slowly than usual as she waited. Finally it was time, she headed down to the café next to her building and ordered her coffee, taking a seat.

A few minutes later Eric walked into the café, getting himself a drink and then taking a seat at the table next to her.

The café was always so busy that they were able to talk without drawing attention to themselves. Emily liked Eric, he was nice and had offered to help her track Doyle, relaying her any information he managed to come across from his informants.

"How are you?" Eric asked, not looking at her, they still had to maintain some level of casualness so as not to draw attention to themselves.

Emily replied, "I'm all right. How are you?"

Eric sighed, "Tired, but what else is new?" He said, making Emily smile. "I don't have a lot of time but I couldn't put this in your mailbox in case it were to get lost somehow. He said, patting the newspaper he had set on his table, indicating whatever he had to give her was hidden in it.

Eric got up to leave, looking at her once, "Let me know if you need anything." He said sincerely, before walking out of the café.

Emily waited a few moments before heading out, she grabbed the paper as she left, tucking it safely in her purse. She quickly made her way back to her apartment, pulling the paper out of her bag and tearing it apart to find a small white envelope.

She opened it slowly, pulling out two items. The first of which was a picture. Emily's eyes flooded with tears as she looked at it, placing a hand over her mouth in shock.

The picture was of Ella and Hotch. Ella was wearing a pretty blue summer dress, her favorite jelly shoes, and a crown on her head that said 'birthday princess'. Emily felt the tears cascade down her face, she didn't like to let herself cry because she knew it wouldn't make things better, but last week on Ella's birthday she hadn't gotten out of bed. The thought of her daughter turning four years old and she couldn't be there made her feel like someone had drilled a hole in her chest and then filled it up with cement. It made her physically ill to think about her little girl growing up without her.

Emily closed her eyes, blinking away the tears so she could study the picture further. Ella was smiling, her eyes wide with excitement, probably from something one of her uncles was doing to entertain her, she was standing on what Emily could tell was JJ's living room sofa, her arms circled around Hotch's neck and her head perched on his shoulder.

Emily looked at Hotch, he looked good, as always, he was wearing a collared oxford shirt but without the tie and it was tucked into a pair of well-fitted jeans. His eyes looked a little tired, his face a little skinnier, but he still looked like Hotch. But, Emily's favorite part of the photograph was how Hotch had turned his head to place a kiss on Ella's cheek. Emily smiled through her tears; it warmed her heart to see how Hotch had embraced his role as the father to a daughter. She wiped the tears from her eyes, looking at the people she loved being happy together made her sad but the more she thought about it, the happier it made her. They deserved to be happy, it was hard being on her own but having confirmation that the people she loved were doing well made this whole ordeal a little easier to bear.

Emily then picked up the second piece of paper, it was just one sentence and the handwriting was unmistakably JJ's. It read simply, 'We love you.'

With that, Emily set down both the picture and the note and let herself sob. She missed her life back in DC, she had never expected to find so much happiness there, but she had. She hated that she had to give up that happiness, but it was for the benefit of the people she loved, people she hadn't expected to love. She had to find Doyle, if it was the last thing she ever did, she just had to, she wanted her life back, she wanted her family back.

_Life's choices are not supposed to paralyze you; they're supposed to help you discover who you are. ~ Bernice Johnson Reagon_

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	22. Waiting On A Sign

A/N: I took the weekend off; I kept rewriting this chapter because it just didn't feel right, so I hope it's decent. I'm still not 100% certain I got it right. Anyway, as always, I want to thank the amazing reviewers, I wish I had a chance to thank you all personally because you really do keep me writing. So here's my shout out to everyone who has left me a review: **HGRHfan35**, **charlotteprentiss**, **Cinnamon**,** Glorisbel**, **MarieRo**, **Rugbygirrl**, **FlamingPhoenix202**, **joliegrace**, **ForensicMidnightReader**, **greengirl82**, **a**, **julie3**, **Celina79**, **romiross**, **wombats-cup-of-tea**, **devikasharma1102**, **jltmysterylover**, **NicknHotchfan**, **Unexpectablee**, **Peanut84**, **KaitlinRoxUrSox**, **TheDarknessBelow**, **katrin1989**, **Steph**, **Pise7en**, **CMGA**, **rahrahloo**, **mcleagan**, **Ileana22**, **Daisyangel**, **&** **DreamerChild88**

If I left anyone out I am truly sorry, thank you all for your support, you are amazing.

xo,

JJ

P.S. This chapter is happening when 7x01 is happening, Morgan still looked for Declan but I'm just going by JJ's point of view and adjusting the sequence of events a bit and who did what….I really hope I didn't confuse you all by that.

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><p>Chapter 22: Waiting On A Sign (Ben Harper)<p>

_If you're going through hell, keep going. ~ Rob Estes_

**August 2012**

Jennifer Jareau raced down the hallway outside of the BAU, she couldn't believe that Morgan had actually found Declan. A few days before she had received a call from a contact at the Pentagon that Ian Doyle had been spotted in the US, unfortunately they didn't know Doyle as well as Morgan did and were unable to be certain where he was going, fortunately Morgan had figured that out.

JJ had been shocked, she honestly hadn't expected anyone to find Doyle so quickly, she knew this was their chance. This was the moment she and Hotch had been waiting for the past seven months.

She ducked into an abandoned office at the end of the hallway; she had to get a hold of Hotch.

She quickly dialed the number to Hotch's satellite phone, the only form of communication besides skype he had in Pakistan, it was really only supposed to be used for emergencies and she really shouldn't have even had the number but Hotch had given it to her since Jack and Ella were staying with her and he wanted to be sure that JJ could always contact him in case something were to happen for the kids.

The phone rang a few times before Hotch picked up, "Hotchner". He answered, his voice stern and serious.

"Hotch, it's JJ." She said, trying to talk quietly.

"JJ, are the kids okay? Did something happen?" He asked, slight panic evident in his voice.

"No, no, no, the kids are great Hotch, I just…I have some news that couldn't wait." JJ sputtered.

Hotch was silent for a moment before responding, "JJ, what is it?"

JJ could hear the concern in his voice even through the phone. "Hotch, a couple days ago I got a call from a contact, they found Doyle in the states but they couldn't pinpoint exactly why he was here or what his plans were. But then I found out that Morgan had been tracking him as well and he figured out why Doyle is here, he's looking for Declan."

Hotch was silent on the other end, he really didn't know what to say.

JJ let Hotch process what she had told him for a moment and then continued, "Hotch, I think it's time to bring her home."

Hotch was again silent for a moment, but before JJ could defend her statement he spoke, "Are you sure? JJ, you know I want her to come home but I don't want to bring her back while he's still alive, what if something were to happen to her?"

JJ took a deep breath, "Hotch, I agree, it's risky but she knows him better than anyone, she's going to be able to help us figure out his motives. We need her help. I'm worried about her too but what I'm more worried about is that without her we may lose him and then she never gets to come home. Hotch, I just, I just couldn't live with myself if that happened. We did this to protect her, so that she could survive, if we aren't able to bring her home I don't know how I'll ever be able to live with myself."

Hotch sighed, "JJ, are you sure we can't do this and then bring her back? I can't lose her again, I don't want to risk her safety even more."

JJ could feel the emotion in his voice, she knew this whole ordeal had taken a larger toll on him than it had everyone else. They all thought Emily was dead, they had made their peace with the fact that they couldn't bring her back and they got to believe that somehow she was in a better place. She and Hotch didn't have that luxury, they had to live every day thinking about Emily and if she was safe and happy and how she was managing alone. JJ knew it was harder for Hotch, yeah Emily was one of her best friends and losing her would always be hard, but JJ wasn't in love with her. She couldn't imagine how much pain Hotch was in, it was one thing to lose someone you loved and have them know how you felt about them, like with Haley, she knew Hotch loved her and even though she had died, at least now she was at peace. But with Emily, JJ couldn't imagine how much more it had to hurt. He had never said how he felt about her, JJ just knew. She knew he was in love with her and how he never had the chance to tell her, how he probably stayed up late wondering where she was and how she would have responded if he had told her how he felt when he had the chance. He hadn't told her how he felt and she knew he regretted that. She couldn't even imagine how much more he was hurting than everyone else and she so badly wanted to bring Emily back not only so she could come back to her family but so she could finally get the life she deserved, the life with Hotch she deserved.

JJ finally spoke, "Hotch, please, you have to believe this will work. We need her."

Hotch cleared his throat, it sounded like he was trying to hide how emotional he was feeling, "Okay," he agreed, "I'm coming home."

JJ smiled to herself, "I'll get in touch with my contacts in Paris so they can get her home."

"No, JJ let me do it. Let me go get her." Hotch said, practically begging.

JJ was silent for a moment; she was honestly a little shocked, "Um, yeah of course you can get her. I'll get you her information, just keep me informed about your plans and I'll try to help as much as I can."

"Thank you, JJ." Hotch said.

"Of course." JJ replied, "Bring her home, Hotch." She said and with that, they both hung up.

_With the new day comes new strength and new thoughts. ~ Eleanor Roosevelt_

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><p><strong>REVIEW PLEASE? I know this was a little short but I needed to bridge the gap between the chapters so the next one will be longer, I promise!<strong>


	23. Lithium

A/N: Wow, so many encouraging reviews! You are all so sweet! Thanks everyone for reading!

Please don't hate me for not bringing Emily back in this chapter; I thought Hotch needed to deal with some things first. I hope you enjoy!

xo,

JJ

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><p>Chapter 23: Lithium (Nirvana)<p>

_A man does what he must – in spite of personal consequences, in spite of obstacles and dangers and pressures – and that is the basis of all human morality. ~ John F. Kennedy _

**August 2012**

Hotch hung up the phone, he was in shock, he was actually bringing Emily home. He'd dreamed about this moment so many times that for a second he feared that he actually was dreaming.

When he finally snapped out of his stupor he realized that in order to get to Paris, first he had to get out of Pakistan. He was just the supervisory agent in charge, they could find someone else to do his job, plus he had only agreed to do this on the condition that if his family or the team needed him back home, he would be able to return, as they were his first priority. Planes came in and out of their camp at least once a day bringing supplies and other necessary items so he knew that getting a flight out wouldn't be too much of a problem.

He called Strauss, he didn't talk to her often since she was still technically on leave, but he knew she would be able to smooth things over and get another agent out much faster than he would be able to, and frankly right now he couldn't think about anything but getting out of there and getting to Emily.

After he talked to her he was surprised how quickly she had agreed to the idea of him coming home. He shook his head, he didn't want to think about why she was being so uncharacteristically supportive right now, he just needed to get to Paris.

He approached the agents he was working with, they were gathered at the camp, going over some intel they had collected. He announced that he would be returning to Quantico, they didn't need to know he was stopping in Paris first, because he was needed back there.

They all nodded their heads in understanding and wished him lucky. Hotch liked these agents, but they weren't his team; he needed to get back to where he belonged.

He made his way out of the tent and approached one of the Marines who had been accompanying them throughout their mission, hoping that the supply plane had arrived at the camp today, the Marine confirmed Hotch's speculation and Hotch quickly thanked him and rushed off, he had to get on that plane.

He arrived to the makeshift landing strip, grateful to find the plane still there. He quickly approached the pilot, introducing himself and explaining that he needed to get out of Pakistan as soon as possible. The pilot informed him that they were headed back to the US Naval base in Naples, Italy where the flight had originated. He breathed a sigh of relief, getting to the Naval base in Naples would actually make it easier for him to get to Paris. He rushed to get his things together, he wasn't going to waste a minute, he wanted to get to Emily as soon as possible.

Throughout the flight he was impatient, he had talked to JJ once more before he left Pakistan and she was booking him the earliest flight out of Naples to Paris that she could find.

When he arrived in Naples he called her again, it was late afternoon and she had only been able to get him on the first flight out in the morning, meaning he had a night to spend in Naples. Such an early morning flight made it not worth checking into a hotel and my the time he got off the Naval base and actually to the airport it was so late that he would only have a few hours of sleep anyway, plus he was so anxious he probably wasn't going to be able to sleep. He wanted to get to Emily as quickly as possible and the wait already felt like it was lasting longer than it really was.

He got to the terminal and sat down, pulling out his cell phone, deciding that he should call the kids. They had been staying with JJ, he looked at his watch, figuring out what time it was back in Quantico and knowing she would probably be home by then. So, he dialed her cell phone, she picked up right away, not even wasting time with a proper greeting.

"Hotch, did you get to Naples?" She asked.

"Yeah." He responded, "I made it to the Naval base a few hours ago and I just got to the airport now. I'm going to wait here." He paused before adding, "Hey JJ, are Jack and Ella up still?" He asked, hopeful.

"Yeah, hold on, let me grab them so you can talk to them." She said.

"Wait, JJ, you haven't told them anything yet, have you?" He asked, hoping she hadn't.

"No, I haven't. I figured we shouldn't get their hopes up and I also thought that you should be the one to explain everything to them." JJ answered.

Hotch breathed a sigh of relief, he would never not be grateful for JJ's intuition.

"Thank you." He replied.

"Of course, Hotch. Okay, I've got them here, I'm going to put you on speakerphone." She said, setting the phone down on the table in front of where Jack and Ella were trying, and failing, to hide their excitement at being able to talk to their Dad.

JJ set the phone down and left the room so Hotch could talk to his kids.

"Hey guys." Hotch said, already smiling even though he hadn't even head them yet.

"Daddy!" Both children squealed.

He laughed at their response, "How are you two?"

"We're good!" They both responded in unison.

Hotch smiled, he figured he would get right to the point. "So guess what?" He asked, getting another in unison reply of "what?"

"I'm coming home." He said, suddenly hearing squeals of excitement and cheers of joy from the two kids.

"When will you be home?" Jack asked, eagerly.

Hotch thought for a moment; he knew he wouldn't be able to see them right away so he didn't give them an exact date. "I should be home in a few days, I'm trying to get back as soon as I can." He said, hoping they wouldn't ask questions about why he didn't know an exact date.

"Are you still going to have a beard?" Ella asked.

With that, Hotch burst out laughing, typical Ella. She really was becoming more and more like Emily every day.

"Yes, Ella, I will still have my beard." Hotch answered, he had grown accustomed to his beard by now and wanted to keep it as long as he could.

"Ughh." Both kids said, their disapproval of the beard oozing through the phone.

"What, you guys don't like my beard?" Hotch asked them.

"It makes you look old." Jack said flatly.

Ella then added, "You look like a lumberjack."

Hotch burst out laughing, "How do you even know what a lumberjack is?"

Ella responded, completely serious, "Aunt JJ said that she likes Uncle Will's beard because it makes him look like a classy lumberjack. She said she liked yours too. Is that why you got a beard? You wanted to look like a classy lumberjack?"

Hotch could barely contain his laughter as he listened to Ella talk, he was glad he called the kids; they always managed to elevate his mood.

He finally caught his breath, "No El, I don't want to look like a classy lumberjack, I just didn't have time to shave over here." He said, still laughing a little bit.

"Oh, okay." Ella conceded.

"Are you going to keep your beard forever?" Jack asked, his voice making it clear that he hoped Hotch didn't plan on keeping it.

Hotch laughed again, "No, buddy. I won't have the beard for much longer."

Jack sighed, "Good, I don't like it."

Hotch couldn't help but keep laughing, "Thanks for your honesty buddy."

He looked at his watch, it was getting late for them and they should be getting to bed. "Okay monsters it's time for you to get to bed."

Like clockwork, JJ, walked into the room. "Com on, munchkins, Uncle Will's going to read us a bedtime story and then it's sleep time. Say goodbye to your Dad."

"Goodnight Dad, we love you." Both kids replied simultaneously.

"Goodnight Jack, Goodnight Ella. I love you both." Hotch said, smiling as he heard JJ herd the kids out of the room.

She then turned the phone off speakerphone. "Try to get yourself some sleep, Hotch. I have a feeling we're going to have a long couple of days."

"I'll try. Thanks JJ." He replied.

"Good luck." She said, he didn't respond, he didn't need to, they both knew that her well wishing wasn't just directed to his plans to bring Emily home.

Hotch hung up the phone, he was still smiling from his conversation with the kids; they never failed to make him happy. He thought about the kids and what would happen when Emily came home. What would happen if Emily didn't want to be with him? He couldn't give Ella up, even thinking about seeing her less than he already did made his chest hurt. And what about Jack, he absolutely loved having a little sister. He shook his head, he couldn't think about that right now. All that mattered was that Emily was coming home, if she didn't feel the same way about him he knew it would hurt but he would be okay, knowing she was alive and safe with her family would be enough for him if it had to be. Hell, he didn't even know what he was going to say to her, how he was going to confess his feelings, and even if she did feel the same way, was she ready? It was a lot to consider, so many factors that could prevent them from being happy, but right now he just didn't care. Emily was coming home and that was more important than anything.

_A faith is a necessity to a man. Woe to him who believes in nothing. ~ Victor Hugo_

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><p><strong>REVIEW PLEASE!<strong>


	24. You & I

A/N: Here it is….Hotch is bringing Emily back! Yay! Haha Anyway, we have only a few chapters left…I almost can't believe it! I hope you're all enjoying where this story is heading as much as I'm enjoying writing it! Thanks for all the reviews and alerts, you all are amazing!

xo,

JJ

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><p>Chapter 24: You + I (Lady Gaga)<p>

_Trouble is part of your life. If you don't share it, you don't give the person who loves you a chance to love you enough. ~ Dinah Shore_

**September 2012**

Hotch arrived in Paris early in the morning, he had jumped on the first flight JJ could find for him from Naples and that had been an early morning flight. He walked into the airport bathroom before heading out; he had taken an extremely quick shower while on the Naval base in Naples but even so he still felt like he had sand on him. He looked at his face, although he had gotten to shower he hadn't bothered to shave his beard, he had grown fond of it even though Jack and Ella had expressed their displeasure in the appearance of this facial hair. He quickly splashed water on his face to wake himself up a bit and headed out into the city. He had contacted JJ the day before and she had set up his meeting with the CIA agent assigned to look out for Emily. He looked at the address written on the piece of paper in his hand and hailed a cab. Her arrived at the specified location, it was a small park with lots of children playing around, a good place to have a casual conversation without people taking notice, he took a seat at a bench on the edge of the park and waited.

A few moments later a man sat down on the bench next to him. They sat there for a moment in silence until the man spoke, "I hear Naples is lovely in summertime." He said.

Hotch breathed a sigh of relief, JJ had told him this was the line he would use to confirm his identity.

Hotch waited a moment before speaking, "Not as lovely as DC." This was his confirmation that he was in fact there to talk about Emily.

The men didn't even look at each other, not wanting to draw unnecessary attention to them.

The agent spoke, "I hear there's a nice café near 172 Rue Plummet, they serve great pastries."

Hotch kept his head forward, "That sounds nice, maybe I'll head over there."

They both sat there in silence for a few moments, still not speaking. Hotch then stood up and made his way to a cab, he nodded to the agent, hoping he was conveying how thankful he was for his help.

He quickly hailed a cab and rushed over to the address, he was anxious to see Emily and he didn't think he had ever felt so nervous in his entire life, he was finally going to see her again and his heart felt like it was pounding out of his chest.

He arrived at the building and jumped out of the cab, rushing up to the door, he found the name of the alias she was using and pressed the button to ring her down. He rang it multiple times and finally conceded that she wasn't home. So he waited, he sat outside her building for about thirty minutes until he saw a figure turn the corner and walk toward the building. He recognized that figure, the tall and thin figure of Emily Prentiss. He stood up to get a better look, he felt his heart skip a beat, it really was her. He didn't want to startle her so he stood there, waiting for her to approach him.

Emily almost walked right by him; she looked at him and then had to do a double take because she thought she had been hallucinating. She stood stone still in front of him, her mouth open in shock.

"Hotch?" She asked quietly, clearly still skeptical that it was really him, she reached her hand up slowly, running it along his cheek.

He brought his hand up and grasped hers, holding it to his face.

"Hotch, what are you doing here?" She asked, the tears starting to form in her eyes.

"I'm taking you home." He said, looking her right in the eyes.

Emily didn't know what to say, she just looked at him and collapsed into his arms, not caring that her tears were now falling freely.

Hotch grasped her tightly, reveling in the feel of her body against his, finally feeling like he could breath again knowing for the first time in seven months that she was safe.

After a few moments she broke the hug and grabbed his hand, leading him up to her apartment. She unlocked the door and let him in, setting her things down on an end table and turning to look at him.

For the first time in what felt like years, she smiled genuinely, she was so happy to see him she couldn't help but run to his arms again, feeling so comforted by the feel of his strong arms grasping her tightly.

Hotch didn't complain, he loved holding her and he would have been perfectly happy to stand there with her in his arms for the rest of his life if that was what she wanted.

She spoke, her voice barely audible against his chest, "How is this possible?" She asked.

Hotch took a deep breath, "Morgan found Declan and Interpol tracked Doyle to the states. We know he's looking for him, it's just a matter of time, but we're going to need your help to figure out where he's going."

Emily reluctantly pulled away, "Morgan found him? He's been looking this whole time?" She said, putting her hands on her head as if she didn't know how to process the information.

Hotch spoke again, "They've been tracking Declan and they've caught sight of Doyle. We can't let him get to Declan." His voice was dead serious.

Emily sat down on a chair, "Oh god, Hotch I don't know how I'm going to look at everyone now that they all know what I did."

Hotch kneeled down next to her, taking her hands in his own. "Emily, no one cares what you did, you did what you had to do for your job and lives were saved because of it. We all just want you to come home. The team doesn't care about what you did in your past, we're your family, we are always here for you so let us do this, let us save you for once instead of the other way around. You deserve to come back to your life, the team needs you, Ella needs you," He paused before he said his last words, "I need you."

Emily bent down, pressing her forehead against Hotch's, the tears streaming down her face once again and she nodded her head in assurance.

They packed Emily's things without much thought; she didn't have much of value anyway considering she had to leave everything she loved back home in DC. Hotch quickly called JJ so that she could book them on the first flight home she could find. She got them on the earliest one and they had to hurry to make it to the airport on time. They got there just in time to board and hurried on the plane.

As they prepared for take off Emily pulled something out of her coat pocket and turned to Hotch.

"I know I wasn't supposed to have this, but JJ slipped it to me in the file with my new identities when I got out of the hospital and she set everything up for me." Emily held up a laminated picture and Hotch squinted and moved his head closer to her in order to see what it was.

He smiled, the photograph was of him, Emily, Ella, and Jack on a visit to the Natural History Museum, it was one of those picture backgrounds with dinosaurs and all four of them were making faces pretending they were actually with the dinosaurs. Hotch laughed, he remembered that day, it had been a particularly great one.

"I looked at this every day, it was the only picture I had of any of you, that is until JJ sent me one of you and Ella from her birthday party, but this picture got me through my worst days, I don't think I went a day without crying for the past seven months but looking at this picture made everything hurt a little less. I would pick it up and remember that at least I left my daughter with a wonderful family who would love her and look out for her and teach her to be a good and kind and loving person." Emily could feel her eyes starting to water but she kept talking.

"Hotch, I just, I wanted to apologize for not telling you about her and I want to thank you for not even blinking before you agreed to take her, I know it couldn't have been an easy thing to come to terms with."

Hotch looked at her, wanting so badly to just take her into his arms and tell her he loved her but he knew it wasn't the time or the place. Instead he took her hand in his own and said, "You don't have anything to apologize for, you did what you thought was best and I understand that. I respect your choices and I'm not mad about anything. She is my daughter, Emily. No matter what happens I'll always be there for her, I will always love her."

Emily's smiled as Hotch spoke, knowing she couldn't have asked for a better father for her daughter. Her expression quickly turned into a serious expression as Hotch looked back up at her, "Hotch, I can't see her until we get Doyle, I can't lose her again, I won't survive it." Her eyes filled with tears once more and Hotch lifted the armrest and pulled her into him.

"I promise this will all be over soon. I promise you will never have to live a day without Ella ever again." Hotch said, rocking Emily back and forth. They stayed like that for practically the whole flight, both of them sleeping more on the flight than they had in a long time. When they got back to DC it would be time to face their demons, but right now it was just Hotch and Emily and the only comfort they needed was each other.

_The whole worth of a kind deed lies in the love that inspires it. ~ The Talmund_

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><p><strong>REVIEW PLEASE? Did anyone catch my Les Miz reference? ;)<strong>


	25. Violet

A/N: Hey everyone, I'm Amanda-JJ's sister-and since she is in Paris at the moment (yeah, you're allowed to hate her) she has asked me to post the two chapters she has ready on her computer, so I'll probably post the next one Friday or Saturday. She apologizes for forgetting to post this one before she left, she got busy and spaced it off. She'll be back on Sunday and she will try to finish up the story as quickly as she can!

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><p>Chapter 25: Violet (Hole)<p>

_We cannot destroy kindred: our chains stretch a little sometimes, but they never break. ~ Marquise de Sevigne_

**September 2012**

Hotch and Emily arrived in DC early in the morning. Hotch figured she wanted to shower so he took her straight back to his apartment. He wanted to call Jack and Ella but he knew he couldn't, they had to take care of Doyle first and he didn't want to burden the kids, it wouldn't be fair.

Hotch opened the door to his apartment, Emily walked in and just looked around, a huge smile present on her face.

Hotch furrowed his brow as he looked at her, "Are you okay?" He asked.

Emily smiled, "Yeah, I'm great. It just, it feels so good to be in a familiar place."

Her response caused Hotch to smile, he decided to just be quiet and let her take in her surroundings for a moment.

"I'll get the bathroom ready for you." He said, heading down the hallway.

"Thank you." Emily said, making brief eye contact with him but continuing to walk around the room. It was exactly as she remembered it, simple furniture, simple decorations; the only thing that had changed was the pictures. She picked one up; it was of Jack, Hotch, and Ella on their first day of school for the year. Her eyes filled with tears thinking about how she had been so upset to miss it. She held back the tears, she wouldn't let herself cry right now, she would be seeing Ella soon and she just had to keep that in mind.

Hotch walked back into the room, "Everything's ready."

Emily turned to him and walked over, smiling at him, and as she walked by she grabbed his hand in her own. "Thank you, Hotch."

He smiled at her and replied simply, "Always."

She squeezed his hand quickly and released it, making her way to the bathroom to get ready.

An hour later they were ready to leave, Emily had taken the first long shower she was able to have in seven months and it had felt wonderful.

Hotch was finishing up getting ready when he found Emily in Jack and Ella's room. She was sitting on the toddler bed that had been Jack's before and was now Ella's.

Emily was holding a cardigan of Ella's that must have gotten thrown on the bed when Ella and Hotch were packing her bag for her stay at JJ's. Her eyes were red and puffy.

Hotch came to sit down across from her on Jack's bed. He just sat there, waiting for her to be ready to talk.

"Hotch, what if she hates me for this?" She asked, her voice quivering with fear.

Hotch reached his hands out and took hers in his own.

"Emily, that's not going to happen." He said, his voice confident and sure.

She finally looked up at him, "How do you know that? She thinks I'm dead. How is this ever going to be okay? What if she can't forgive me?"

Hotch squeezed her hands in his own, trying to reassure her with his actions. "Emily, every night I'm home, Jack, Ella, and I read bedtime stories together, after that they talk to their moms. We light candles and they both get a turn to tell their moms about their day and what's going on in their lives. Every time we do this Ella ends her conversation with you by saying how much she loves you and how much she wishes you were still here. Trust me," Hotch said, his eyes reaffirming how serious he was, "She could never hate you for what you did because you did it to save her and I know she's only four, but she understands that, you have to believe that. She loves you more than anything in the world."

Emily nodded her head, the tears still falling from her eyes. Hotch moved to sit beside her and she fell into his open arms, finally letting herself cry the way she wanted to. Hotch held her until her sobs were calmed. He squeezed her reassuringly and they both stood up from the bed.

"You ready?" He asked, extending his hand for her to take.

She managed a smile, took his hand in hers and nodded her head; it was now or never.

Hotch had called JJ on the way to Quantico and she was going to call everyone into the conference room and explain the situation. The whole car ride over had been silent; they were both anxious about the impending conversation with the team. They both knew it wouldn't be the most well received news but she hoped that they would eventually forgive her.

They arrived at the BAU and Hotch texted JJ, wanting to make sure the entire team was in the conference room, he would have felt terrible if any of them were to see Emily before they could explain.

They made their way to the BAU, Emily hadn't let go of Hotch's arm since walking into the building. He turned to her but didn't speak, she knew he had to walk into the conference room first, she reluctantly released his arm and he gave her a small smile and walked into the room.

They were all clearly confused, Hotch walked in to the room, they all looked up, studying his appearance, he hadn't shaved yet and he was just wearing cargo pants and a t-shirt, he hadn't felt like wearing a suit.

Everyone was silent, staring at Hotch. He cleared his throat, preparing himself to speak. They all had known he was coming back because of the Doyle situation, they just had no idea he had made a stop along the way.

"If you could all sit down." Hotch said, indicating for everyone to take a seat. "Seven months ago I made a decision that affected this whole team. After Emily was stabbed by Doyle she had lost a lot of blood but they managed to stabilize her, after that she was covertly transferred to Bethesda, her identity was strictly need to know. There she recovered and when she was well enough to travel she was relocated to Paris."

Hotch paused for a moment while Garcia interrupted him. "Wait, so she's alive?" She asked, her voice hopeful.

Hotch nodded his head, "If any of you have a problem with this please take it out on me. I made this decision to save Emily's life and I would do it again in a heartbeat. I understand if you are mad but right now I urge you to push those feelings aside because right now we have a chance to end Ian Doyle for good and I know you all want that.

At that moment, Emily came through the doorway, for a moment everyone just looked at her. JJ's face lit up in a smile, Garcia was smiling but was also beginning to cry, Morgan looked a mix of shock and lost, while Reid and Rossi just looked shocked and happy.

Garcia was the first to run to her. She enveloped her in a huge hug and although it took Emily a minute, she sunk into the hug, a great comfort from her fri

Reid was next, he wasn't as enthusiastic but it was obvious he was trying to hide the tears that were now streaming down his face as he pulled her into a hug.

Then there was Morgan, who just looked at her like she was a ghost.

Emily's eyes got sad again when she turned to him. "I'm so sorry." She said, moving toward him and cautiously putting her arms around him, he hesitated but hugged her back.

"You're alive." He said, looking at her, she could tell he was still in shock.

"I am and I promise to explain everything to you guys soon but right now we need to find Declan. Please?" Emily asked.

The team members nodded and jumped right into telling her everything they knew.

Hotch watched silently from the corner of the room, he knew Morgan was going to be furious with him and he hated that given the level of friendship they'd ascertained throughout the past few months, but the most important thing was that Emily was okay and he knew it might take a while, but eventually they would all come to that same conclusion. He smiled as she talked about the case like she had never been gone, they had a long fight ahead of them but he knew that she was back for good, they wouldn't let her down again.

_My Mama always said you've got to put the past behind you before you can move on. ~ Forrest Gump_

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><p><strong>REVIEW PLEASE?<strong>


	26. Difference Is Time

A/N: Hello, this is Amanda again, I hope you enjoy JJ's next installment of her story, she's in Paris until Sunday and this is the last chapter she left me so you probably won't hear more from her until Monday at the earliest. She wanted me to know that there are only two more chapters after this one but she IS working on some other stories. She thanks you for all your kind words and she is looking forward to reading your reviews when she gets home! Oh and she also wanted me to say that everything that happened with Doyle happened pretty much the way it did in the show, this is after it is all over. And if you have questions please message her. She hopes you all like the chapter!

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><p>Chapter 26: Difference Is Time (Conor Oberst)<p>

_Every parting is a form of death, as every reunion is a type of heaven. ~ Tryon Edwards_

**September 2012**

The team arrived back in the BAU that night, everything was finally over, Ian Doyle was actually dead and Emily was really alive. For the first time in seven months the world felt like it was spinning on its axis again.

Everyone was being debriefed and starting to fill out their paperwork, but Emily, who had been back for over twenty-four hours, just wanted to go home and see her daughter. They hadn't told Ella that Emily was back in fear of something going wrong with their plan to finally get rid of Doyle.

Emily stood in the bullpen, everyone around her was moving but she felt frozen to the spot. It was so strange to finally have this all behind her, she could live her life without being afraid of Ian Doyle. She looked up at Hotch's office, he was there discussing their course of action with Strauss.

She didn't know what she was going to say to Ella when she saw her, would she be upset? Would she be scared? Would she hate her for putting her through so much? Or would Emily just get lucky for once and have her daughter just be happy to have her back? She was getting anxious, now that this was all over the only thing she wanted to do was get to Ella.

She then heard the unmistakable sound of Ella's voice; she whipped her head around and saw her. There was Ella, her tiny hand grasping JJ's as they walked toward Emily.

Emily felt the tears start to fall from her eyes; she couldn't believe she was actually seeing her daughter again.

JJ was hunched over so that she was at Ella's height, her mouth to Ella's ear, she was probably explaining what was happening to her, that was when Ella caught sight of Emily.

Her face lit up and she dropped JJ hand and bolted toward Emily, "MOMMY!" She practically screamed as she jumped into Emily's arms.

Emily clutched Ella tightly in her arms, never wanting to let the little girl go again.

"Oh baby, I've missed you so much." Emily said through her tears.

"Mommy, please don't ever leave me again." Ella said, sobbing as well.

Emily and Ella just held on to each other as if they were trying to make sure the other was really there.

Emily pulled back to look at Ella, she had definitely grown, she was a few inches taller and definitely heavier, her long brown hair was even longer than it had been, and she was starting to grow into her features. She was four now, Emily couldn't believe it, her little girl was four years old already. As she looked at Ella and realized how she had missed seven months of her daughter's life, she promised herself that she would never again leave her no matter what the consequences.

JJ sat on a desk across the bullpen, watching the entire encounter between Emily and Ella with a big smile on her face.

She was so engrossed in the sweet scene between Emily and Ella that it took her a moment to realize that Hotch was standing next to her.

"Hey." She said, turning to him, brushing away some of the tears from her eyes.

Hotch smiled in response and took a seat on the desk next to her. His face broke into a huge smile as he watched Emily and Ella talk to each other.

JJ turned back to watch Emily and Ella's reunion, she smiled as she watched their interactions.

"I never thought we would get to this point, I never thought we'd get her back." JJ said, wiping the tears from her eyes.

"Me either." Hotch said, unable to tear his eyes away from the sight in front of him.

"Getting her back really makes you think, doesn't it? I mean, we're getting a second chance, how often does that happen?" JJ looked over at Hotch, still unable to stop the tears from falling from her eyes.

Hotch looked over a JJ for a moment, silently reading her eyes and then turning back toward Emily and Ella.

JJ knew he was thinking about what was in store for their future. "Hotch, you get a second chance. This thing you two have, whether you want to admit it or not, it's real. You two have child together, are you really just going to let things go back to the way they were? Hotch, you two get to start over and the best part is you can do it together. Everything is on the table, what do you have to hid? This is your chance, you both deserve to be happy." JJ said, looking at Hotch.

Hotch took a deep breath and turned back around to look JJ in the eyes, "I know, I've been thinking about this non stop since we decided that she should come home, I just, I don't even know where to start. We've missed so much together, how are we supposed to just put everything that's happened behind us?" Hotch asked her, clearly distraught.

"Hotch, you start by telling her you love her. It's as simple as that, you love her. What else is there to say? Sometimes I think we see so much violence and pain and suffering that we forget that people do heal, we can put things behind us and we can move on, especially when we have someone to love and share that pain with. You love her, don't deny yourself that healing, and Hotch, she loves you too." JJ said, staring him down as if she was looking right into his soul.

Hotch finally made eye contact with her, "How do you know?" He asked, for the first time JJ sensed fear in his voice.

JJ stifled a laugh, "Hotch, she left Ella with you. She loves that little girl more than anything and you know Emily, she didn't leave Ella with you just because you are her father. She trusted you with what was most precious to her because she knows who you are, she knows what a wonderful and loving person you are. If she didn't love you then she wouldn't have trusted you enough to leave Ella with you, she wouldn't have risked the possibility of hurting Ella by telling you both the truth if she didn't have total faith in you. Hotch, Emily spent her life feeling like she was unable to trust the people closest to her, Ella means more to her than absolutely anything in the world, there literally isn't anything she wouldn't do for her. Emily trusts you with the most important thing in her life, not because you're her father, but because she loves you."

Hotch sat there, staring off into space and thinking about JJ's words, a half-smile on his face.

"I guess, you're also wondering how I know you love her." JJ said, smiling sheepishly. "I've known you for over eight years, I've never seen you look at anyone the way you look at Emily." JJ said, patting him on the leg as she got up to walk away. "Go tell her how you feel, Hotch. We have so little time when it comes down to it, our lives pass by so quickly so don't waste any more time. You won't regret saying it, but you will regret it if you don't. " She said, smiling at him as she stood up and started to walk away.

Hotch thought for a moment and then turned around, "JJ," he said, as the blonde agent turned around to look at him again, "Thank you."

JJ smiled and responded, "Be happy, Hotch. You deserve it."

_What children take from us, they give, we become people who feel more deeply, question more deeply, and love more deeply. ~ Sonia Taitz_

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><p><strong>REVIEW PLEASE?<strong>


	27. Fragile Bird

A/N: Hey everyone, I'm back! I had an AMAZING time in Paris and it even inspired me to start another story! Anyway, thanks for all your sweet reviews, it was so nice to come back home and find all the FFN e-mails alerting me of your reviews and alerts! Thank you all for sticking with me! You are amazing! There will be one more chapter to this story, so leave me some love and I'll get it up as soon as I can!

xo,

JJ

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><p>Chapter 27: Fragile Bird (City and Colour)<p>

_In true love the smallest distance is too great, and the greatest distance can be bridged. ~ Hans Nouwens_

**September 2012**

Hotch observed the interactions between Emily and Ella, smiling as he watched the mother and daughter get to know each other again.

After a little while he decided to make his way over to where they were sitting across the bullpen, Emily in a desk chair and Ella planted in her lap, snuggling into her body as if she was afraid that if she let go Emily would somehow disappear. Hotch smiled to himself, it was probably better than Ella was so young, she didn't fully understand the situation and wouldn't be burdened by the levity of it all, she was just happy to have her Mom back.

Ella turned her head and saw Hotch approaching, quickly turning back to her mother to start off on another topic, "Mommy, Mommy did you know that Hotch is my Daddy? And Jack is my brother?" Ella said, pulling on Emily's shirt to make sure that she was paying attention.

Emily laughed at the little girl's innocence and then looked up, smiling as she saw Hotch walking toward them.

Ella continued to talk, "Mommy are we all going to live together now? Oh please, Mommy? That would be sooo awesome! I love living with Daddy and Jack! Jack and I like to wake up and watch cartoons on Saturday. He lets me play with his Star Wars toys! Jack is the best big brother ever!" Ella said, over-emphasizing the word 'ever'.

Ella rambled on, she was basically updating her Mom on everything that had happened in the time that Emily was away.

"I go to second year preschool but they give me older kids homework because I'm really smart! Uncle Reid says I'm the smartest kid he's ever met! When he watches me he tells me I'm too smart for my own good. I don't really know what that means. Uncle Derek says that I'm going to be a runner or a soccer player because I'm really fast. We raced and I won! But I think he let me win because Uncle Derek is REALLY fast."

Emily just smiled as Ella talked, she talked and talked and talked, asking questions but not pausing for answers.

Emily turned to look up at Hotch, who was smiling down at the both of them, his usually dark eyes filled with an unusual light as he watched Ella and Emily interact.

Suddenly Ella jumped off Emily's lap. "Mommy, I made Daddy a bunch of drawings and he put them in his office. I'm going to get them and show them to you, okay? Don't go anywhere, Mommy. I will be right back." Ella said seriously as she ran off to Hotch's office to get the drawings.

Emily stood up from her seated position so she was standing closer to Hotch, who was at this point only about a foot away from her. She just looked at him, studying his features. Even though he had been the first friendly face she had seen in seven months, she had been so caught up in figuring out how everything was going to work once she was back that she hadn't gotten a chance to really look at him. His scruffy beard hid a tired face; his eyes had dark circles around them. He was in great shape, as always, but he looked thinner, like he had been more stressed than usual. And for the first time, she allowed herself to see him as Ella's father, the man who loved and cared for her little girl just as much as she did.

Hotch took their moment of silence as an opportunity to look at her as well, like her, he hadn't really gotten a chance to really study her since he had picked her up in Paris.

He noticed her hair was shorter, and parted on the side instead of the middle, her bangs now long and blended in with her hair. Her face looked paler than he remembered and her dark brown eyes held a certain sadness, one he knew wouldn't vacate them anytime soon. She was thinner as well; her clothes hung a little more loosely, her cheekbones and hands looking a little bonier. But she was still Emily, still the person who would do anything for the people she loved. And that was when he was sure there wasn't anything she could do to make him stop loving her.

Her eyes were brimming with tears as she finally opened her mouth to speak. "Thank you", she whispered, the tears now falling from her eyes.

Hotch closed the gap between them rapidly, taking her in his arms and holding onto her tightly.

JJ, who had gone up to Hotch's office to help Ella, saw what was transpiring between her friends and took it upon herself to occupy Ella for a few moments so Emily and Hotch could continue to have their little moment together.

Emily relaxed into the hug, her arms grasping Hotch tightly, her head buried in his chest, like she just had melted into him as his strong arms held her tightly and soothed her sobs, stroking her back and her hair in an effort to comfort her.

As her tears quelled and her breathing evened out, she pulled away from Hotch slightly, looking up into his eyes. They spoke volumes; in the depth of his eyes she saw everything she had never allowed herself to want with him. It all felt so close, after all that had happened in their lives, no matter how damaged they both were, she knew right then that he would never give up on her, he would never leave her.

Hotch moved his hand from it's spot in her hair to her cheek, cupping her face and moving his own closer to hers until their lips were barely an inch apart.

Emily closed the distance between them, pressing her lips softly against Hotch's. Hotch deepened the kiss, taking time to memorize the curves of her lips, the feel of her mouth on his.

They broke apart moments later, both finally realizing that they needed to come up for air. Their foreheads came together, letting them catch their breath while retaining their closeness, smiles present on both their faces.

Hotch was the first to speak, "Emily, this thing between us, it's not just in the heat of the moment or because we were scared to lose each other, this thing is real, I've wanted you for so long I can't even remember a time when I haven't been attracted to you. But Emily over the years it's grown to so much more than just attraction, I've been impressed by you, annoyed by you, proud of you, pissed at you," the smile on Hotch's face as he spoke was making Emily laugh out loud, she knew he meant all of these as compliments, "I've been stunned by your bravery and astonished by your willingness to always put others before yourself, but none of those feelings has ever been as strong as the love I feel for you, that I have felt for you, for so many years. You can call me insane and tell me I'm jumping the gun, but Emily, we have a child together, this beautiful little girl who I am in awe of every single day, in my opinion this confession is long overdue."

Emily's smile continued to widen at Hotch's confession, her heart felt lighter than it had ever felt. She had wanted this for so long that she had almost been afraid that it wouldn't be as good as her dreams, but she had been wrong, it was better. The feeling of finally being assured that the person you loved, loved you back, was the greatest feeling in the world.

Emily moved her hands so they were cupping his cheeks, "I love you, too." She whispered, pulling him in for another kiss, meant to prove to him that she meant what she was saying, this kiss was more passionate than the first; they were finally allowing their emotions to the surface after years of keeping them buried.

They finally pulled away, again resting their foreheads against each other, smiles present on both their faces.

Hotch was the first to speak, "You know, Ella had a valid point about us living together, after all, you don't have your apartment anymore, plus I was looking around for an upgrade anyway."

Emily rolled her eyes and laughed, "Wow, I think that's the most romantic thing anyone has ever said to me."

Hotch pulled back a little and laughed along with her, "I know, that was definitely not the most conventional way of asking you to move in with me, but honestly, when have we ever been conventional? We've done everything backwards, I'm pretty sure you're supposed to tell someone you love them before you have a kid together." Hotch said the goofy smile he so rarely showed, lighting up his face.

Emily grinned back at him, moving her hand up to run it through his hair.

Hotch suddenly grew serious. "I don't want to lose any more time with you."

Emily looked up at him, their eyes locking, "I promise you won't."

_The greatest happiness of life is the conviction that we are loved; loved for ourselves, or rather, loved in spite of ourselves. ~ Victor Hugo_

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><p><strong>REVIEW PLEASE?<strong>


	28. Feel Love

A/N: SORRY this has taken me so long to post, all my professors seemed to think it was all right to give us major projects right before finals. Not cool. And then I meant to post it yesterday but got WAY sidetracked...anyway, this is the LAST chaper! Ahh! Thank you all so very very much for reading, your reviews have made me so happy over the past couple weeks! Thank you all for the support!

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><p>Chapter 28: Feel Love (Ben Harper)<p>

_Sometimes, we don't get what we want…but this is a benevolent universe. And once in a while, we do. ~ Melody Beattie_

**November 2012**

Emily Prentiss woke up to find that she was pleasantly warm for waking up on such a cold November morning and realized it was because of the heated body of her husband pressed tightly to her.

She smiled to herself; she almost couldn't believe he was actually her husband.

He must have felt her wake up because suddenly his arms pulled her closer in to his body and his mouth found it's way to her neck and her bare shoulder.

Emily giggled as his mouth tickled the sensitive skin under her ear.

She finally turned around to face him, pulling his head up to her mouth and kissing him, she could feel him smiling as their lips parted.

She looked at him in the eyes, "Good morning, Mr. Hotchner."

He brought a hand up to run through her short brown hair, "Good morning, Mrs. Hotchner."

She smiled and brought up a hand to feel the stubble on his chin.

"I like it when you don't shave."

Hotch smiled at her, "Well, for the next couple days I will be happy to forego shaving, but unfortunately when we head back to work, I'll have to start up again."

"That's okay, then I know the stubble is meant just for me. I like that."

Hotch laughed, "A little possessive are we?"

Emily shrugged, "Hey, I've got the beard and you've got the right to be smug when Morgan begs to know where my tattoos are, since you've seen them and he never will."

Hotch grinned, "I can live with that."

Emily turned to lie on her back, her body still pressed tightly to Hotch's.

"Are we insane for doing this?" She asked, making eye contact with him.

"I think it's a little late for second thoughts, Emily." Hotch replied, still grinning at her.

"I'm not having second thoughts, I know that I don't want to be with anyone but you, hell I've known that for years, I'm just wondering if we jumped the gun on the whole marriage thing?" She said, entwining his roaming hand with her own.

Hotch took a deep breath, "Well, the way I see it is that this is where we were going to end up eventually. It's not like we just met, we've known each other for seven years, longer if you count the times we met while I was working for your mother. I just didn't see the point of prolonging the inevitable, we've both waited long enough to be happy."

Emily smiled up at him, "Thank you." She said, pulling him down for a kiss, which quickly turned into more.

_One Day Earlier_

Morgan and Reid walked up the stairs at the courthouse, "Do you know why we're here?" Morgan asked Reid.

"No idea, Emily just said to come quickly because it was an emergency." He said, looking just as confused as Morgan.

"What kind of an emergency could there be at the courthouse?" Reid said, to no one in particular.

"There's JJ." Morgan said, smacking Reid on the arm to alert him of JJ's presence down the hallway they had found there way too.

JJ motioned for them to come over to her. That was when Morgan was practically pummeled by Ella who ran toward him and jumped into his arms.

Morgan smiled at her, "Hey pretty girl, what's going on?" He asked, taking in the little girls silver and white sparkly dress that definitely wasn't normal attire for being at a courthouse.

"Mommy and Daddy are getting hitched!" Ella said, excitedly.

Both Morgan and Reid's eyes grew wide as they heard the word 'hitched' and rounded the corner to find the rest of the team.

Morgan turned to see Emily standing to his right, she reached over to tickle Ella, making the little girl squeal and burry her head in Morgan's shoulder.

"Hitched?" He asked, a shocked expression on his face.

Emily rolled her eyes and looked over at Dave while Ella explained. "That's what Uncle Dave called it!"

Morgan shook his head, laughing at the little girl.

Then Reid spoke, "So, you two are getting married?"

Emily and Hotch looked at each other and then back at the team.

"We are. I proposed to Emily earlier this week and we just didn't want to wait." Hotch said, turning to look at Emily, a brilliant smile overtaking his face.

They had already explained this to JJ, Dave, and Garcia since they had arrived earlier, so Morgan and Reid were left to take in the information.

Morgan's shocked expression suddenly turned into a huge grin. He enveloped Prentiss in a huge hug, "Princess, I am so happy for you."

Emily sighed, relieved that her best friend was on board with their decision.

Morgan's hug sent the whole team into a fit of congratulations.

Finally Garcia was the one to speak up, "So, why today? I didn't even have a chance to throw you a ridiculously crazy bachelorette party?"

Emily laughed, "Well, when we sat down to try to figure out the wedding we just realized that we didn't want to go through all the hoopla of a big, fancy wedding. We just wanted it to be about our marriage and being able to share that with the people we love."

"So how'd you pop the question?" Dave asked, looking at Hotch.

He smiled and looked over to Emily, who was still smiling at him, "Actually, I didn't do anything spectacular, it wasn't even something I planned, it just sort of happened."

Emily jumped in, "Oh come on, it was romantic and I loved it! You can't just come out and say that, you have to tell them the whole story!"

Hotch shook his head and laughed, "Okay, well it happened on Sunday. We had spent the day at the park even though it was cold and we came back to the house in the afternoon and basically spent the day on the sofa watching movies with the kids and drinking hot chocolate. The whole day I had just been thinking about how I would be the happiest man alive if for the rest of my life I just got to wake up to our family and watch our kids grow up and be able to grown old with Emily. Then later that night we were getting ready to eat dinner, since Emily has been home we've been doing this thing where before we eat we say what we're thankful for and while the kids were talking I just realized that I didn't want to wait anymore, I wanted to marry her and I didn't have a ring or even a speech prepared, I kind of just blurted it out. It was my turn to say what I was thankful for and I said that if Emily agreed to marry me and spend the rest of her life with me that I would thank god for that every day until I died."

At that point Emily interceded, "And I wasn't really sure if he was proposing to me or if he was just stating something he planned to do in the future, so I didn't say anything, I was just kind of in shock."

She turned back to Hotch to let him finish the story.

"So I got up and walked around the table and I asked her again, but I made it a little clearer this time. I got down on one knee and I told her that I didn't have a ring but if she could forgive me that for the time being I would be the happiest man in the world if she would agree to spending the rest of her life with me." He turned to look at Emily, putting his arm around her shoulders and pulling her into his side.

"And I said yes." Emily finished for him, looking up and smiling at him.

"So, where did the ring come from?" Garcia asked eagerly, pulling up Emily's left hand and examining the beautiful cushion cut diamond on it.

Hotch smiled, "Well, I guess that's the second part of the proposal. The next day I took the kids to school and before I came to work I went to pick out a ring. That night after we put the kids to bed I got down on one knee and I asked her again."

Emily jumped in to finish the story, "And that was when I told him that he could have bought me a candy ring and I still would have said yes."

Garcia looked like she was about to cry from happiness looking at her newly engaged friends.

"We're so happy for you guys." JJ said, her eyes glazing over as if she was about to start crying as well.

"I think we should head out, our appointment is in a few minutes." Emily said, looking over at the clock.

Rossi laughed, "An appointment to get married, I wish I had known about that. Would have saved me a lot of money."

Everyone laughed at his comment and headed out the door.

The judge was ready for them and they all took their places, there was no processional or exchange of the rings, this was just about the marriage. Finally, just about Emily and Hotch committing to spend the rest of their lives together.

Emily was wearing a long white dress, although it wasn't your traditional wedding dress. It was made completely of lace with a v neck in front and a deep v in back. It's empire waist was cinched with a black satin ribbon and the lace under it was tiered down her waist and legs yet it somehow managed to not be big and frilly.

Hotch was dressed completely in character, a black suit and crisp white shirt and a satin black tie that matched the ribbon on Emily's dress.

Jack was also wearing a suit; he matched his Dad almost perfectly while Ella was in a frilly white and silver sparkly dress that complemented the white and black in everyone else's attire.

The judge started the ceremony, it was a quick one, but the couple had opted to recite their own vows.

Emily was first, "Aaron, I have never felt about anyone the way that I feel about you. I've never believed in fairy tales, I didn't think a prince would come and save me from a tower or rescue me from a burning building or anything at all romantic. I didn't think that I was worthy of being loved so deeply by someone who would do anything for me, but you showed me that I was wrong, you proved to me that I am worthy of love and you showed me that the love I have to give means something too, that not only am I worthy of being loved by you, but that you are worthy of being loved by me. You make me feel important and beautiful and intelligent and every time I see you smile I feel reassured that I'll never have to be alone again. You take my breath away with your quiet strength and your courage, you are the best man I've ever known and I'm so happy to be able to be your partner for the rest of my life. As long as I'm with you, I'll be complete."

Emily hadn't realized it until she finished talking but she was crying, Hotch reached his hand up to wipe away her tears and then started speaking himself.

"Emily, saying I love you seems inadequate because I can't imagine where I would be without you. The moment you walked into my office I started to change, you intrigued me in a way that no one else has ever managed to. You somehow were able to impress the hell out of me and drive me nuts at the same time. During difficult times you were my rock, letting me know that I wasn't alone. You have changed me, you have given me hope, helped me learn to let go, and helped me realize that there are some things in life that are worth holding on to no matter the cost. I'm the luckiest man in the world because you have given me your heart and I promise I will never forget that."

Emily smiled; she could see the tears falling down his face as well, a rare occurrence.

The judge spoke a few more words but Emily and Hotch really didn't hear them, they were so focused on each other. The finally both zoned back in when the judge asked Emily if she would take Hotch to be her husband.

She smiled the beautiful grin she wore when she was truly happy and replied, "Always."

He asked Hotch the same question and he replied with the same answer, "Always."

Emily loved that they had chosen to say 'always' instead of 'I do'. They weren't a traditional couple and 'I do' just didn't seem to define their relationship.

The judge looked at them both and pronounced them man and wife. Hotch pulled Emily to him and kissed her like there was no one else in the world.

They broke apart and looked around to see their team, their family, around them, each of them smiling and clapping.

This was perfect, this wedding was about their family and in that moment nothing had ever felt more right.

_Present Day _

Emily woke up for the second time that morning, wrapped in Hotch's arms. She smiled to herself, she had never been one for cuddling but with Hotch she just couldn't be near him and not touch him, it was like a safety blanket, letting her know he really was there with her.

Hotch stirred and opened his eyes, looking down and smiling at her. "Good morning, again."

Emily smiled up at him, "Hi."

They laid there in silence for a few minutes, allowing themselves to fully wake up.

Emily was the first to speak, "I'm sorry if you thought I was having second thoughts."

Hotch pulled her closer, "You don't need to apologize for that, I understand what you were trying to tell me. We did jump into this and I know that we've been friends for a long time and we have a daughter together and have only actually been together for a month but I think that's what makes us work, we're not conventional. I know you so much better through our years of working together and through the relationships this team has than I ever would have if we had met randomly and started dating. You've been there for all the hard times in my life and I've been there for yours. And that's my point, we've always been there for each other because I think we've always known that we're more than friends, the feelings we have for each other have always been a little stronger than that of a platonic friendship. And like I said before, we've been through enough shit, why put off being happy? I'd like to think that we both deserve to be this happy."

Emily pulled herself up so that they were face to face and kissed him lightly. "I agree. Thank you for being so understanding."

"Always." Hotch replied. "I love you, Emily."

"I love you, Aaron."

And with that Emily knew that she'd never again feel like she was alone in this world, safe and sound in Hotch's arms, she finally felt at home.

_And neither the angels in heaven above, _

_Not the demons down under the sea,_

_Can ever dissever my soul from the soul_

_Of the beautiful Annabel Lee._

_~ Edgar Allen Poe_

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><p><strong>REVIEW PLEASE? Leave me some love since this was the final chapter?<strong>

**ALSO, I've been thinking about writing a sequel to this story, if I wrote it would you read it? Let me know! And my next story entitled, "Like Paper Planes", will be posted very soon so if you want to read it put me on alert so you know when I post it! THANK YOU! **

**P.S. I hope some of you caught the Castle reference, I just had to substitute that word for the original ones. I love it. ;]**


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